Severely depressed and confused

This is domestic abuse and elder abuse.
I think you should contact the police.
Sounds like son is trying to cuckoo you out of your own home.
You need help.
Real help.

Well done. You have consulted an agent and you've got some listings. That's a great start.

welbeck

This is domestic abuse and elder abuse.
I think you should contact the police.
Sounds like son is trying to cuckoo you out of your own home.
You need help.
Real help.

Yes.

If you were in the UK I'd advise a phone call to Age UK, so if you are in the Sates Gurms you need a similar helpline.

I maybe wrong, but amI right thinking you are partly afraid of being alone as in fearing you will lose access to your grandson and future baby as he is controlling to his wife? that is very understandable but do not assume that will happen as they are likely to want child help.

In my opinion, having divorced a Coercively Abusive man at age 71, and knowing quite a bit about MH too, he is not only controlling but has pretty much got some MH stuff too.

You re going to need a lot of support. I did. Basically shouting out loud enough, a lovely lovely solicitor. practically sat with that phone call to the older persons agency, some quiet advice from a solicitor, and going to the doctor to let him or her know just how bad it is.

Sorry - spelling error - that last sentence should read

I needed to basically shouting out loud enough, a lovely lovely solicitor:

So:
practically start with that phone call to the older persons agency,
some quiet advice from a solicitor,

and asap going to the doctor to let him or her know just how bad it is. xx

Jaxjacky

M0nica

Why not speak to Age UK www.ageuk.org.uk/ They have information and advice lines that can help you. Some branches have an advocacy service that can support you through the next few months.

You should speak to your doctor about a referral for counselling.

I think the OP is in USA MOnica use of condo.

In which case she should contact the National Council on Aging www.ncoa.org/

M0nica

Why not speak to Age UK www.ageuk.org.uk/ They have information and advice lines that can help you. Some branches have an advocacy service that can support you through the next few months.

You should speak to your doctor about a referral for counselling.

I think the poster may be in the USA M0nica.

Your family won't interfere because they're scared of him?

Big red flag.

Is he very intimidating about being "entitled" to the house? Good grief - this isn't medieval times!

It's more common than one might think, Padstow13.

I can recall my abusive husband standing hustling full 6 ft plus and shouting in front of visitors, "I can say what I like to MY wife in MY house.

But I didn't have any children or anyone else to be concerned about.

Please do go for help Gurms Please make those phone calls, but a call at the doctors is essential, and tell it like it really is for you, no soft soaping.

Fallingstar

There is such a thing as financial abuse.

And this sounds very much like it…😬

To misquote "America is another country they do things differently there". We think of them both as democratic countries but theirs is not socially democratic. This can make for stronger families or a high sense of family entitlement as this is often the only fallback. There seem to be few figures on whether this leads to greater elder financial abuse but those available seem to suggest this is the case.

Gurms, I really hope that you will find a solution to your sad problem and that then you will start to enjoy life and be happy again.

Hi Gurms, it doesn't sound much fun living with your son at the moment. He sounds a bit coercive & controlling, towards you as his Mum & I don't see why he thinks it is his father's house so he has every right to be there, when it's yours and anyway you have another son who is living independantly.

I think Age concern could be very helpful. It is your decision where you live and no-one else's. Do not let him make you feel guilty, it's him who's guilty of taking you & your home for granted.

It's possible that once you have firm plans in place for your future, you will feel better. What I would do is speak to your other son, work out a plan for putting house on the market when your new grandchild is 6 months old (next spring). That gives them plenty of notice if it does sell quickly, giving you a firm date when you take back control.
Maybe if your other son doesn't want to get involved, Age concern could provide an advocate to help you explain your plan to your son & his family, and that it is not negotiable and that pressuring you to change your mind would constitute financial abuse.
Good luck anyway & I hope you have a lovely second grandchild.

Do you want to sell your house and move to a condo, or is it the only way you can see at present of moving your son out?

From what you have said I cannot see him leaving readily, and you seem scared of him, so he HAS to go. Whether you stay is up to you, but you will feel better when you have taken action.

You need to be very clear about your intentions, and you need your family to support you in this and possibly legal backup.

Gurns
What a situation to find yourself in when you are still grieving for your husband.
It sounds like your son only cares about what he wants and not you. The fact that family members are scared of him says it all.
You need some support in this, do you have a friend? Is there a local organisation which you could speak to explaining what is happening?
The house is yours he cannot do anything if your name is on the deeds. Do you live in the USA? Or another country other than the UK. Things may be different there you need to check this out.
Try to keep calm speak slowly when he is challenging you and walk away if you feel threatened. In the UK you are allowed at some solicitors 30 minutes free consultation. Research the solicitors who offer this service.
Don’t feel guilty about your son and family, at the end of the day it is his responsibility to take care of his own family not yours, you’ve done your bit bringing your children up, now it’s your time to have a good life.
If you need to talk things over, you can send me a private message, I will be only too happy to listen.

Speaking to AGE UK was a good advice given earlier.
You need an independent person who is not related to come in and talk through the problems, personally I would want a smaller more convenient place to live.
With all the tension going on it dosnt sound like living together for the rest of your life is going to be a happy place.
They need a home of their own but what does your other son think / say about the situation?

Thank you all for your support. It really means a lot knowing that I am not alone. My younger son has been telling me to separate for a long time. My mental health right now is really bad and even with medication I suffer a lot from anxiety and fear.

Gurms

Thank you all for your support. It really means a lot knowing that I am not alone. My younger son has been telling me to separate for a long time. My mental health right now is really bad and even with medication I suffer a lot from anxiety and fear.

You have shedloads of support here and I’m pretty sure you’ll find more in your community.

Please please don’t be scared. Fear and anxiety is all consuming and utter paralysing.

But bit by bit, one day at a time, you will find the courage to do what you need to do.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things go.

Look around your community, you might discover groups or a church or something or someone to help and support you.

You CAN do this

What are your family scared of? Is he likely to be violent towards everyone or is he a loud, verbally abusive type? Remember, there is strength in numbers so if the rest of your family stick together, his position becomes weaker. You may feel a responsibility towards your grandchildren but your son and his wife are their parents and have to take responsibility. They are exploiting your good nature. It is time they stood on their own two feet and found a home of their own.

It is very difficult to cope when you are still grieving your husband but if you develop an action plan and gather support, you may find inner strengths you didn't know you had. Good luck.