Enslaved grandparent syndrome

There's a huge difference between wanting to do it and being pressurised into onerous hours, travelling miles and not being in the best of health. It very much depends on individual circumstances. The other side of the coin is the entitled grandparent prone to usurping and at times undermining the mother's position.

We have of course read about both on this site and on MN. I feel for both. I'm glad to have our grandchildren for weekends, about once a month and overnight stays in the holidays. Having said that to quote my o/h, he has 5, including our 2, plus a fairly new ggd. "I love them all very much but I have no desire to be an all consuming professional grandparent" We value our life together and individual interests and pursuits. I also get bored with too much chat about gc, I think there can be a tendancy with some gps as with the new parent to become one dimensional as to offspring. Whilst it's part of life, listening to it can become pretty boring at times.

Yes - as much as I love my DD and grandchildren, I was working (although DH was early retired) and there was never a question of full time care. However, I was astonished at the cost of good quality nursery care, and whilst my DD was always in the financial position to ensure good quality child care, I realise that many millions will not be. We would almost certainly topped up what my DD could have afforded to get the best, but if we couldn’t have done so then I guess I would have somehow offered to take on childcare, rather than my beloved grandchildren going somewhere not very good.
As it was we provided holidays that couldn’t be covered (usually surfing in Cornwall) and emergency sick leave - mercifully very few.

I think over here I've seen this referred to as "grandparent burnout" or the "sandwich generation" impact.

Retirement years are (for many) consumed by full-time, unpaid childcare to save their children nursery fees - and some doing the best they can to support their own parents too...

I have also seen a lot of this on here M0nica.
Grandparents, usually grandmothers, traveling across town early in the morning to handle school drop-offs, sometimes managing housework, cooking, or grocery shopping for their adult children and also doing after school school pick-ups, driving to activities, and dinner.
​Some are returning to their own homes really quite late at night.

I expect the term "enslaved" is quite a harsh one to absorb- but not being able to say "no" is very similar I think.

And no, I really don't think it will be mainly multi-generational families!

Any country experiencing a combination of high childcare costs, demanding work hours for parents, and weak social safety nets must surely see this exact issue.

I was never factored in for regular childcare as at 57 I was still working full time so the parents had to make full time expensive childcare arrangements. Fortunately this was well in place by baby No.2 when we took early retirement. We made a choice (much appreciated) to chip in by then with their childcare costs so that we could enjoy our second home in Málaga. A win-win for all concerned.

I read an article in The Guardian when the Boy Wonder was only two weeks old and it resonated. That to be a grandma is lovely - not a surrogate mum. No feelings of exhaustion, resentment by me for regular childminding - just the bonus of spending time with them both (after school and weekends) doing the fun things. Lucky us.

I should add that I did my fair share of holidays with Grandchildren and loved it when they were young and so was I, only in my 30s and 40s and not working full time then.

I'm lucky enough to have been highly involved in my grandchild's life and have loved it. It's probably easier because I only have the one but it's been lovely to have been such an integral part of their life.

All changed now University beckons & I will miss it.

I think in Spain lots more families live as multi-generational homes so perhaps it’s more usual there than elsewhere. Of course it’s happening everywhere else too but maybe not quite so much. I’m pretty sure there are Grandparents here who’s retirement is being interrupted by daily school runs and holiday sitting small children. Mine are mostly grown now and not my ‘duty’ to be minding Great-grand children thank goodness.