Daughter not allowed to know new baby’s name until she visits him

Houseseller

The baby has been named and revealed to other members of her family . She is making her mother wait for some reason. Nothing strange about my daughter’s reaction I would feel the same. I suspect that many members on here would also feel the same.

Is your daughter planning a visit to meet the baby?

The thing is that there must be a reason for your granddaughter's decision to withhold the name. We can't know what it is, but she won't have done it for nothing.

When your daughter meets the baby and finds out the name, she will be in a better position to understand, and whatever her reaction it will be more proportionate to the reason. If she and her daughter have a good relationship then the odds are it is probably a reason that will make her happy rather than distraught.

Some people save big news for when they see someone in person, I don't know if I could call that a trend but in today's world of communicating by text I actually see this as very special.

I can think of a few times news has been saved for seeing me in person. Engagement, pregnancy, job news, moving news and sadly bereavement.

I would much rather hear things face to face than in type. I wonder if I am alone in that?

At least your daughter knows that the baby is a boy !

I remember reading once that there are a tiny minority of parents who refuse to reveal the sex of the baby to anyone, as they plan to bring up the hapless child as gender neutral, presumably allowing him or her to decide which gender suits them best!!

'Nothing strange about my daughter’s reaction I would feel the same. I suspect that many members on here would also feel the same.'

I wouldn't feel the same. I treat people the way they treat me. They get a mirror response. But there again 'Passive Aggressive' is my middle name.

Thank you Spindriftcoastal, I’m glad at least one person feels the same way as my daughter and I. Mirror response I like it.

A bit miffed I can understand but "distraught" seems a huge overreaction. Does your dd have a tendency to overreact?

On DH's side the religious relatives in Denmark have never revealed their baby's names until the Christening at 3 months.

I changed distraught to really upset several posts ago. Everybody seems to have homed in on the word distraught, I wish they would give it a rest. I wish I had never raised the subject, my big mistake. Thanks to all those that have successfully made me feel awful.

Houseseller

I changed distraught to really upset several posts ago. Everybody seems to have homed in on the word distraught, I wish they would give it a rest. I wish I had never raised the subject, my big mistake. Thanks to all those that have successfully made me feel awful.

Thats GN for you.
Sorry it’s made you feel worse.

I’ve just read your post at 12:43 today and that really makes a situation even worse in my opinion. Especially if all the people who have been told are expected to not pass on the message and thus make your daughter feel even more excluded.
Hope the baby’s worth the wait.

Houseseller

I changed distraught to really upset several posts ago. Everybody seems to have homed in on the word distraught, I wish they would give it a rest. I wish I had never raised the subject, my big mistake. Thanks to all those that have successfully made me feel awful.

Unfortunately, as you have discovered, GN is not an echo chamber, and you will get a range of differing views. I doubt that it was anyone's intention to make you feel awful - but that's the nature of social media, you will get a spectrum of opinions, some agreeing with your every word, others maybe not. The trick is not to take it to heart.

It’s all very well for the new mum to want to introduce the baby by its name but what if she’s using a dead relative's name and says for example “ Come in and meet Nigel “ wouldn’t you be looking round the room for great uncle Nigel’s ghost not into the cradle. I would think it’s mean. Either way.

Our DD didn’t tell us what names they had chosen until our granddaughter was born. Surely it’s their choice when to tell anyone.

Houseseller

Yes I agree, respect seems to be in short supply these days . Thanks for your comment. I would only say to the people that need to make comments to hurt. There but for the grace of God

Respect? Not sharing a name is now disrespectful?
How ridiculous. Not getting what you want is not disrespect

Stansgran

It’s all very well for the new mum to want to introduce the baby by its name but what if she’s using a dead relative's name and says for example “ Come in and meet Nigel “ wouldn’t you be looking round the room for great uncle Nigel’s ghost not into the cradle. I would think it’s mean. Either way.

Nobody would surely call a baby Nigel today - what wicked parenting that would be and certainly worthy of a thread of its own such as ‘ Am I justified in informing social services of the name my grandson has been given?’ 😂

When elder son’s partner was expecting their baby we were told it was a girl early on. No hint of the name until after she was born.

What are you talking about, the respect was in terms of the reply’s to my questions. Maybe you should take a look at your response to me. I would say your comment was disrespectful .

DGD has a version of my name as her middle name. I knew the first name they had chosen beforehand but no middle names had been mentioned. They told me in person when I met DGD for the first time and I am glad it was done this way - it was a lovely moment. As this baby is a boy maybe one of the names is after a male family member with significance for the OP.

Summer love, What are you talking about, the respect was in terms of the reply’s to my questions. Maybe you should take a look at your response to me. I would say your comment was disrespectful .

I think it's clear from this thread that people have very different concepts of what is meant by 'respect' and 'distraught', and what people have a right to expect from others.

I would be a bit narked if my daughter told others the name before me, but wouldn't see it as disrespectful so much as peculiar. I'd be keen to know, of course, particularly if others knew first, but I'd try not to let it upset me, as I'd know there was a reason for it, and I respect my daughter enough to realise that.

If daughter and gd have such a good relationship, this should not such a great deal.

The gd n

Sorry, pressed post early

Good relationships understand boundaries and respect them.

As a grandmother, I would worry more about the health of the mother and baby than a name.

When there is smoke there is fire

I think it is understandable for your daughter to be upset that others have been told but she has not. It does seem very odd. I hope that when she sees her daughter and grandson things are sorted out between them and that they can all enjoy a positive way forward

There are definitely new (or I would say different) trends surrounding the announcement of the birth of a baby. My DD asked me not to let anyone know that my grandchild had been born until she was home from hospital, had settled herself and baby and had announced it herself. It took her a while after coming home. That was her request and I respected her wishes. The only consequence that was a bit awkward was that some of my immediate family jumped to the conclusion that something had gone wrong or that the baby was unwell, as she had told them roughly when the baby was due. I just had to explain that my DD wanted to announce any news herself (including the name) and that I was following her lead.

This isn’t her baby or her choice, some young parents have what we might feel are “odd” ideas.

Our niece decided to “cocoon” with her baby, and baby’s dad.

All we (& every other relative and friend) received was a photo of baby’s foot, gender and his name.

We patiently waited and then were invited over to meet him once the three months had passed.

Casdon

Rather than work herself up over this, why doesn’t your daughter just go sooner to see her daughter and grandson ratter than wait a few days? If she can’t take a day off work, two hours isn’t that far, it could be done there and back after work, assuming she drives?

Exactly what I was going to suggest.