Daughter in Law and false accusations

He has suffered her emotional controlling abuse for a long time. He knows her accusations are lies but feels he has no choice but to go along with her demands to keep her from turning on him more. I do not understand her agenda in all of this.

She will not allow grandson to come to our house. This is a new demand. He was coming every week up to a month ago and there were no issues at all.

I agree with MOnica.
What a distressing issue .
Someone in my family has also made false allegations against a family member and caused divisions .

I would call social services and tell them your daughter is threatening false accusations to coerce family members.

It is not unknown for mentally unstable mothers to purposely injure children or present false symptoms, in order to gain attention and sympathy (Munchausen by Proxy). In other words, your grandchildren may be at risk of harm from their mother.

<https://adc.bmj.com/content/68/4/444>

"False allegations of abuse and Munchausen syndrome by proxy.
R Meadow
Abstract
Fourteen children from seven families are reported for whom false allegations of abuse were made by the mother. Twelve children were alleged to have incurred sexual abuse, one both sexual and physical abuse, and one physical abuse alone. Thirteen of the children had incurred, or were currently victims of, factitious illness abuse invented by the mother. "

What does your son say about this?

Keep well away from her. Ask your son to drop the little one off to your house.
They need you more than you need them, apart from your GS.

Whilst I do not usually believe in slightly sneaky things, I would keep you phone on record when you are there so that exactly what she says is on record, and it can be seen for manipulating intention. Just reading something written cannot give the attitude or tone. I think you and your husband need to talk about what you want to do about this. There are a range of possibilities, from standing back from her and not being involved in any child care, to possibility of speaking to a solicitor who is a specialist in family situations and looking at your choices. So you might end up sending her a solicitors letter , or a recorded delivery one, saying that her defamation of character is something you wont put up with or condone, so that you are calling her bluff and she will see that she cannot use this attitude as and when it suits her. If you let her get away with this she will use it whenever it suits her. and the longer you allow her to blackmail you like this she will then imply that you let her do this as she is telling the truth.

I think that in any case you will be concentrating on keeping a contact with the children, and let them know you are there for them. When the children are older they can come to you without her permission. Good Luck and definitely talk things through with your husband so that you are both on the same page and have a plan.

I agree with Monica. Best to offer child care strictly on your terms. Your house, take it or leave it. I would also record and date any more accusations DIL makes.

Sounds like your son and DIL need marriage counselling . Distance yourselves. Don't be bullied or manipulated. Perhaps your son would be willing to deliver and collect your grandson from your house?

Great advice from MOnica. I agree do not do any childcare outside your own home

Do not do any childcare while your DiL will not allow your DH to be present. Tell her that if she has any accusations to make against him she should report them to the po;ice so that they can be properly investigated and that until she either does that and he is given clearance, or treats you both of you as a pair, you will do no more childcare.

With people like thisthebest thing you can do is call their bluff.

What kind of accusations? I have to admit, no matter who they are, if someone was making false allegations against me, or threatening to, I'd keep my distance to protect myself and my family.