Daughter says no visitors for three months

View by appointment only 😂

Our eldest daughters are in their 60s. I clearly remember needing no 'help' as a married woman with children. My husband was my helper. I also needed no advice or opinions.

As your daughter is 25 she likely knows her own mind, allow them to ask for what they want and need while they bond with the baby.

Wait patiently. Three months is a short time, soon passes.

As a very old ex midwife I would have been shocked if grandparents and family could not see the baby. Family is so important! When we had our first I was so sad parents in law had died stepmother not interested we relied on the lovely East End people who visited frequently.
What will happen when they have 2nd baby is first child kept out of school/nursery for 3 months!

Not a daughter, a niece! None of us, including her Dad (Mum sadly deceased) were even allowed so much as a photo!

She “cocooned” for 3 months.

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ Their baby, their choice.

DD & DiL were not going to share their due date, nor allow anyone to see baby for a week…

Norah I concur.
I too only needed my husband.

We were (and still are, thankfully) a team.

I wonder if the idea of cocooning has come from the advice,given many years ago and still given to adoptive parents when a child or children are first placed with them. Such children will normally have had a traumatic start in life and need to begin to attach to their new parents.

This scenario is so different from the one here. I agree with others who have said to accept what daughter is saying their plan is but be prepared for it to change when the reality of caring for a new born hits home.

It's very early days into her pregnancy, just nod and agree , say whatever "You" want but it you do need anything you know where we are.
I am sure once she speaks to her friends and the midwife they will say don't do it you will be isolated and lonely with a new baby and a DH in work, days are long and babies are clingy and hard work. Everyone thinks babies are easy till you have one, especially the first. It can be jolly hard work and lonely.
"All the gear but no idea"

Just accept- you have no choice! IMO it is utter nonsense. I couldn't wait to see my Mum after the birth of our children- that was years ago of course. My daughters have children and did'nt need 3 months to bond!!!! If she needs you you for childcare perhaps you should let her know you are uncomfortable with that because you haven't been given time to bond with your GC!
This is a growing trend. I appreciate
new parents need time alone with their newborn- of course they do. However 3 months!!! I was well and truly bonded with my babies before they were born!!
New parents are so intense about this , is it because they know their beautiful little baby will soon be in day care and they will be back in work ? Fortunately for me I was not in that position , times have changed I recognise that - just a thought? All you can do is go with wgsg your DD wants , she nag well change her mind after the baby arrives and is exhausted with night feeds and daily care. Hang in there good luck and congratulations! 🤱👶.

I think a lot of good advice has been given.
It's important not to project from our own experiences too.
When my babies were born in the 90s we developed a strong support system in our neighbourhood. Most of whom are still friends today.
Remember a parent can be great support but some can be very difficult and you are therefore better off muddling.

MarieElla

merlotgran you're assuming a lot there.
Why would her OH be driving her mad?
Yes everyone needs help when a first time mother but it doesn't have to be from family.
The OP's daughter will have her reasons.
And yes, judging by some of the spiteful comments from posters here about the daughter,she'd be well advised to keep her baby away from their like!

Harsh!

Thank the Lord for social media eh?

It's her first baby. Keep supporting them in ways she will accept.
Three months is an eternity, if you are kept up at night with a breastfeeding baby.
Reality most likely will kick in.
Good luck.

She also says they will not have any visitors for three months because she wants to bond with the baby.

What she imagines will be a blissful time, with just her alone each day with this little cherub may turn out to be quite different in reality.

How did we manage to bond with our babies years ago? Perhaps because parents or in-laws were there to carry on in the background for a couple of weeks, cooking nourishing meals, doing the garden, sorting the laundry so we could concentrate on the new baby, who might turn out not to be such a cherub as you'd imagined.

karmalady's advice is good.
She wants detached, give her detached

karmalady

I have no advice but I do have a comment - this is the sort of thing that I can imagine a 25 year old will have regrets about later in life when she realises 3 months was over the top (and she has learned a few life lessons).

All you can do is go along with it.

Congratulations on the new baby to be born.

We were 500 miles away from DMiL and 50m from my mum both were working full time. I knew no-one who had a baby and the health visitor didn't call admin error
I would have loved visitors once home from 8 days in hospital.
They had all seen me and babe at the hospital, behind glass as babies were all in the nursery during visiting hours.

How times have gone full circle although it's mostly grannies pushing prams where I live. All the mums are back at work.

My DD's SiL stopped all people coming in for a few weeks to meet their baby, including all Grandparents. I believe it's the NCT guidelines now?

FriedGreenTomatoes2

I’d be tempted to give her a year to ‘bond’.
Such silly nonsense.

Isn’t it!
She will soon be asking for some help😁 so until that time leave her to it.

DD was born just before Christmas and she was number 4 so I thought I knew it all.
We took her to every party and ceilidh going and she was passed around.
As a result she got a very bad cold, probably a chest infection, which lasted for months.
She didn't sleep well, we had a humidifier in the room with her and propped her up slightly to help her to breathe.

I bought a Wright's vaporiser which helped and got used to breast feeding little and often. constantly

Keep clear of coughs and colds is my advice.

So many women on this thread hoping the daughter won't cope without her parents and inlaws when none of us really know the situation.
Some posters appear to be put out on the OP's behalf.
It's bizarre

So many women on this thread hoping the daughter won't cope without her parents and inlaws - I do not think that is what I am hearing at all.

Just experienced mothers who know that family help can be invaluable, especially with a first baby, and this young woman might be glad of some input before the 3 months is up. Not hoping she will fail - of course not.

And all the advice is rightly to respect the DD's wishes.

Let her make mistakes , face the consequences and learn from them.

Visgir1

My DD's SiL stopped all people coming in for a few weeks to meet their baby, including all Grandparents. I believe it's the NCT guidelines now?

Just looked at the NCT guidelines and it says to accept offers of help from visitors and that the first few weeks can be isolating can't see anything about not having visitors .

I'm getting deja vu all over again. Didn't this exact topic appear several months ago?

But you're supposed to offer meals and housework not just wanting to coo over the baby
My DMiL was excellent. She and Pa stayed in our flat and "looked after" DH, bought presents for the baby, visited me in hospital but once I was home, she had cooked Sunday lunch, cleaned the flat and as soon as lunch was over left us to it.

With dad’s having paternity leave having your mum round to help for the first couple of weeks isn’t such a necessity. Best thing is to pretend you’re not bothered, although, you are, and wait to see how it all turns out. The important thing is for dd to keep well during pregnancy and birth and for gc to be healthy.

3 months is ridiculous but as it's early days she might change her mind either way I'd step back and leave her to get on with it I doubt it will have any impact on your relationship with your future grandchild