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New grandchild & feeling guilty

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ASHANTY Tue 29-Sept-26 21:07:52

My DS & DIL live over 250 miles away so I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like to. Their son (my GS) is 17 months old and their second baby was due to arrive September 24th, so they asked my husband and I to drive down to help out with GS before the birth & during labour etc (as they have no other family nearby).
We were asked to travel down 2 weeks before due date, as DIL needed support when DS was working, we were so happy to do this.
However, baby didn’t arrive when expected and my husband wanted to return home at the end of the 2 weeks by train, which left me to help out with GS & new baby on my own when it arrived. Granddaughter arrived yesterday 4 days late.
My DS & DIL want me to stay until the end of the week to help with GS while they adjust to having 2 children under 2.
My husband is making me feel guilty for accepting to stay as I have our car and he says he misses me. He also feels that DS & DIL made the decision to have 2 children close in age so can’t expect me to stay until they’re ready to manage on their own.
As a paternal GP I feel privileged that my DS & DIL want me to help out so much, but also feel guilty that I’m neglecting my husband & daughter at home, as well as my elderly parents who live near to me.
Am I being unrealistic to stay?

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fluttERBY123 Tue 29-Sept-26 21:14:23

Stay, stay, they are probably big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves fo a bit. It will be a precious time getting to know the baby and helping out. Could your husband not retrieve the car?

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Cressy Tue 29-Sept-26 21:34:37

Stay! It’s only another 4 days.

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crazyH Tue 29-Sept-26 21:38:43

Yes you are privileged to have been asked. Usually, the paternal grandparents take second place. Are your d.i.l.’s parents not around ?
I think your husband is rather selfish - surely he and your daughter can cope without you. As for your parents, they can look after each other for the moment.
That’s my opinion .

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JenniRen Tue 29-Sept-26 21:49:10

Am I being unrealistic to stay?
No.

Is your husband working and does he need the car?
How old is your daughter at home? Is she still a young child? Even so, she must be at school during the day so surely they can manage just for a few days.

Enjoy the toddler and new baby while you can, it may be a while before you see them again.

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fancyflowers Tue 29-Sept-26 21:50:55

Definitely stay and help. Those first days are precious, and any help you can give will be deeply appreciated.

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BlessedArt Tue 29-Sept-26 21:53:14

Has your husband always been this clingy and needy? He’s a grown man. Presumably he can survive on his own a few days while you help family.

Guilt-trips are a form of controlling behaviour. Don’t feel guilty about being such a thoughtful mother, mother in law, and granny. It’s temporary and a very normal thing to help when new babies come. You live far, so it’s more than reasonable to spend as much time there as you and son’s family are comfortable with. Congrats! Enjoy your new grandchild. flowers

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Luckygirl3 Tue 29-Sept-26 21:55:08

Hubby us a big boy now .... enjoy lively new baby!

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Cossy Tue 29-Sept-26 22:06:19

Absolutely not!

You’re being a great Grandmother and mother and you’re DH chose to leave.

Congrats on the little one flowers

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Grannybags Tue 29-Sept-26 22:13:23

Definitely stay and make the most of it!

Your DH can get the train back if he misses you that much 😁

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Grannybags Tue 29-Sept-26 22:13:53

Oh yes and congratulations! 🥳

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Chardy Tue 29-Sept-26 22:17:02

Stay

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Coolgran65 Tue 29-Sept-26 22:20:30

Its only a few more days. Id stay.
What age is your daughter at home.

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