How to tell a six year old about death

I was only six when my father died amd I remember asking why we hadn't visited him and that's when she told me he had died. I think your grand-daughter might ask the same question.

I think how you tell a child depends very much on their understanding and their relationship with the deceased.

What may help is a wonderful book for bereaved children called “The Invisible String” you can read it now and in the future, it explains how we remain connected to someone during life and after death.

It is beautifully illustrated and written, it is available on Amazon.

I think how you tell a child depends very much on their understanding and their relationship with the deceased.

Yes. And also how much they really want to know?

I know a 5 year old who wanted all details[told in a child way of course].
But doubt that is true of all 5 year olds.

When my mother was in the hospice all her three great grandchildren visited her. They were aged from 2 up to 8.

We just said that she was very ill and would die soon. We emphasised she wasn’t in any pain, loved them very much.

They seemed to accept this, and can remember her with love and laughter.

It helps if children have pets and experience death to a lesser degree. They are often very matter of fact about it. An excellent book for a six year old is Goodbye Mog.

It’s never easy but there’s good advice on this website.

childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/

I worked as a child counsellor for Cruse the bereavement charity. They have an excellent range of books to buy which explains death to children of all ages.

Very important for children to go to the funeral no matter what age. I never met a child who said they wished they hadn’t gone but hundreds who said they wished they had but weren’t allowed to by the adults of the family.

Children understand much more than you think. They are very intuitive and philosophical about death and need simple explanations and adults need to say died and not gone to sleep ( children are literal this can cause huge sleep problems) or gone on a journey ( I have known adults say the person has gone on holiday ) Adults need to emphasise it is forever, that its not the child’s fault and they are not abandoned . Also not “passed away” what on earth does that mean to a child!

A familiar adult at the funeral to help them understand what is happening and normalise death and then they can feel included and not frightened. Tell them about the coffin in advance .

I hope this helps you are welcome to pm me

You need The Paper Dolls by Julia Donaldson. We always talked to little ones about death in terms of the people live on in your memory and in your heart and what you do. Our grand children were always asking about it because they had a great grandmother and were also aware that her husband was dead. I used to talk about what he had taught me eg music, politics, giving to charity. I was five when my favourite uncle died and I knew exactly what it meant. If it helps talk about them being up in heaven and looking down. Just don’t talk about them falling asleep.

Sorry - we also used to talk about people being very old and their bodies just wearing out. In the end they were all teenagers before they had to deal with the death of a grandmother and great grandmother as were my own children.

I told my children that Papa had died and we would never see him again. But that all the love he had given them was now a part of them and would stay with them forever.
They were at the funeral and tend his grave.
They are country children so animals dying was something familiar to them.
There are, as others have said, some very good books around.

I wasn't allowed to go to my granddad's funeral as a 12 yr old, and so was in my thirties at my first funeral. I took both my kids (7 & 13) to the cremation of my aged great aunt, who they knew and liked, but from a distance. We had good conversations in the car on the way back, interspersed with silence. The following year, a 14 yr old friend died of cancer. As a teacher, I'd seen the devastating effect a teenage death had on their siblings, friends and even kids who barely recognised the one who'd died. Many of the friends at that lad's funeral could not cope.

Paper Dolls by Julia Donaldson is worth a look.