Grandchildren moving away

Your daughter has chosen to join a military life , however hard it is you have to accept that. You cannot and should not follow your children around whether you are doing it for you or them or both. She has her own life to lead, and you have to adapt you will always be there for her but now you are not her first priority

I married a military man and within weeks we were posted to the Far East, my poor Mum and Dad must have been devastated but they were supportive and you must be too
You cannot and should not live entwined in your daughters life. She needs to live her own life now with you in the background You are her parent not her life partner

Your husband is right but I can feel from your posts that you won’t listen to anyone.

It wouldn't be the right thing to do.... I think you know that really.....it wouldn't work out ...and if the husband wants to progress through the ranks then he will move....its that simple.....your DDs priority now is her partner......don't put her in a position where she had to consider you everything her husband goes for promotion

Not the case at all

I feel you are determined to follow your daughter no matter what in which case all the advice given so far probably won’t make much difference.
At least find rented accommodation to start with and keep your home - maybe rent it through a reputable agency.
Don’t burn all your bridges.
Wishing you all the best in this 💐

Fallingstar

I feel you are determined to follow your daughter no matter what in which case all the advice given so far probably won’t make much difference.
At least find rented accommodation to start with and keep your home - maybe rent it through a reputable agency.
Don’t burn all your bridges.
Wishing you all the best in this 💐

Presumably Haydnpat's husband and perhaps son will remain in the family home?

What will you do when your son-in-law gets posted somewhere else, Haydnpat?. If he is a career airman he could stay on for very many years. Will you still follow them? Are you still working?

I can understand you being upset but this is an initial reaction to the news and it is something that needs to be sensibly thought through.

I also agree with the majority, and not moving to be close to them .
My cousin has a son in the military, married with children . They’ve moved a lot in the last 10 years . When they were a good 4 hour drive , they’d meet halfway or visit and stay over . They’re now a bit closer and my cousin visits more often . They have FaceTime or zoom calls weekly.
I know it’s hard especially as your daughter is pregnant , but you and she need to lead your own lives .
Maybe you could visit them nearer to the birth , to help with the DGC .
Be aware that property prices in the south are high, add stamp duty , estate agent fees, moving fees and it’s makes it an expensive move .

I don't know why you have posted. It's obvious you have made up your mind. I feel sorry for your husband and son

I agree totally eddiecat I m sure the poster has made up her own mind and will not let go.

This is exactly what I said.
The OP is not for turning.

Military personnel lead a fairly itinerant life, so following your DD around would be very difficult for you - perhaps that's the reason behind your DH's reluctance to move?
At least, for the moment, they'll still be in the UK, where everywhere is accessible from everywhere else. You could set up Skype (or whatever the current "conferencing" facility is called - I'm a bit out of date on that!). I know a woman here whose grandson is a sailor - he calls her every few days, so she can see and hear him almost as though he's in the room with her.
I'm sure it won't be as bad as you fear once you've got the hang of it. Good luck.

Haydnpat

Its the RAF.

Then DD's husband will almost certainly move from post to post; just like personnel in the army and navy. Not just in UK; could be around the globe.

You can confirm this very simply by asking SIL and DD. I'm very surprised neither of them has mentioned it to you, and that you appear to be completely unaware of it.

If you intend to follow them around UK (or the world) selling and buying a different home each time, then you will need very deep pockets to afford the unavoidable expenses of estate agent and legal fees, stamp duty and removal costs.

Haydnpat

Its the RAF.

I can think of at least 9 Air Force bases in the UK, as far apart as East Anglia, Scotland, Anglesey, Oxford, Yorkshire . . . That's a lot of potential house moves just to stay within hailing distance of your DD & her children. I doubt whether all the disruption would be tremendously good for your son, either - or will you leave him with his father when you go?
We live in an age of relatively easy travel and communication - would using the phone and the train really be out of the question?
I think you're feeling very sore at the moment, and I do feel sorry for you because you're facing a big change. But I do think you have to face the fact that your daily physical presence in their lives really shouldn't be your (or their) main concern. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but life is harsh sometimes. Bear up, duck.

Has your daughter said what she thinks of your idea to trail after them wherever they go?

But why would anyone expect to follow their adult children around ! Let them breathe, make their own way in life make their own fun, their own mistakes and be there if they ever ASK for help
It’s so unfair on the daughter and her marriage and very selfish The daughters husband should make it very clear there are not ‘three in the marriage’
Poor father too, he sensibly doesn’t want to go trollopsing around the country or even the world.

RobertaDanversWalker

Has your daughter said what she thinks of your idea to trail after them wherever they go?

The OP said earlier that her DD wants them to move with her.
My guess is that with a baby on the way and a toddler she needs help, understandable, but a bit much to expect her parents to make such a big move.
This could all end badly or well, however I think the OP is decided upon a course of action and can only wish her luck.

Having been a military wife I know that you sometimes have to move at very short notice, So if you wanted to always be close you would need to keep moving too.
My son and family moved to the opposite end of the UK four months ago.
The run up to them moving was the hardest part, I do miss them but they keep in contact and send frequent videos/ photos of the children so its easy to stay in touch. We are going to stay for a week next week, have rented somewhere close by and are planning a holiday abroad for next year.
It can work.

RAF personell can be moved around too, and one day your son or daughter-in.law will return to civvy street, so you certainly do not want to move.

Your daughter is adult and should have realised this might well happen when she either went into the forces or married a man who was in them. She needs to stand on her own two feet, especially as a military wife, is that is what she is.

I can understand that you all are rather upset right now, but we do not own our children and grandchildren, nor do they own us, and we cannot expect to spend all our lives living next door to them either.

eddiecat78

I don't know why you have posted. It's obvious you have made up your mind. I feel sorry for your husband and son

I was about to say that! I’m afraid I agree, and I do find this OPs monosyllabic responses a tad odd.

I do wonder if her DD is just feeling credibly anxious about both the move and her DM (OP) and is trying to please everyone.

It’s terribly sad and niave to think this is ever going to work on any level.

Nevertheless, I do wish all them the very best of luck

What is this OP going to do when both children start school? I mean physically do?

At least your daughter is still in the uk. Mine moved to Australia!

I find it odd too Cossy, especially seeing as the OP isn’t engaging with the thread apart from giving monosyllabic replies as you say.
Perhaps she expected most members would agree with her move.

This OP has made up her mind. Do not confuse her with facts.

Just wait for the follow-up post in 2 years time when that 'permanent' posting has been has been relocated toWales and the OP is all alone in that house in a community she has only lived in for just over a year and where she is on her own

I feel this is a knee jerk reaction and unfortunately your not hearing the replies you wanted to hear. Have you thought about your husband who doesn’t want to move. Maybe look at all your options, wait until she’s settled in then visit a few times over a period of months and then see how you feel. It’s a huge decision and feel it’s one your considering out of emotion. 🍂

Ive come across you begore. Nasty

Haydnpat

Ive come across you begore. Nasty

By “you”, are you saying all of us?

Lots of posters have been blunt on your post, but none of us have been nasty.

I’m sorry you feel that way.