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Fear - Covid will stop me ever seeing family living abroad

(42 Posts)
Pelican Sun 05-Jul-20 10:15:41

People tell me that I should be positive, and some of the time I am ok but it’s like waves coming across the ocean, the surge of panic, sadness and fear that I will never be able to see my son and his family again. My husband said to me the other day I am always angry, I replied I am not angry I am sad. People do not seem to be able to accept or be comfortable with someone’s sadness and want to fix it.
Do other people have the same irrational fear?

lemongrove Sun 05-Jul-20 10:23:03

Recognise that the fear is irrational, and work from that point. Where do your family live?

Bibbity Sun 05-Jul-20 10:24:34

I am sorry.
My Nanna only lives 15 mins away and I am afraid something will happen to her before we can all get back together.
It is a worrying time and you feelings matter.

Davidhs Sun 05-Jul-20 10:25:05

We will be able to travel to most countries fairly soon, however if you are vulnerable or shielding travel would not be a good idea until next year. There is still going to be virus circulating for some time yet and a second wave is a distinct possibility.
By next year a vaccine is likely to be available so the risk will be low, stay healthy and have patience.

Esspee Sun 05-Jul-20 10:33:01

The chance of a vaccine is very remote Davidhs.
Although there has been a huge amount of research into coronaviruses in past years no vaccine has been found. Why this coronavirus should be any different doesn’t make sense.
We are just going to have to try to stamp it out or live with it.

Cs783 Sun 05-Jul-20 10:37:04

The ‘want to fix it’ thing - yes it’s hard to find good listeners! There are a lot here on GN though, aren’t there?

It’s entirely rational I think to feel sad and fearful about your situation but we do need to keep perspective and hope that things will change. There’s a lot of amazing work going on to develop a vaccine as well as to learn about this virus and how to cope while we have to endure it.

Esspee Sun 05-Jul-20 10:38:40

Pelican. My grandchildren are 5000 miles away so I know a little of how you are feeling.
If I am unable to travel in the future they hopefully will come to me or we will find somewhere mid way and meet up there for a holiday.
In the meantime I am so thankful we have the internet so that I can see them regularly. Do you use Skype, FaceTime or WhatsApp?

Pelican Sun 05-Jul-20 10:58:02

My family live in USA, we were supposed to have gone to see them in May. At the moment they cannot travel to UK and we cannot travel to US. I cannot see any of us being able to travel for 12 months.
Thank you for the support and hearing me, acknowledging my fear and sadness. It is reassuring to know that others have same fears and I am not crazy, which at times I feel.

Ellianne Sun 05-Jul-20 11:53:05

Pelican I can understand the waves of sadness which come over you. A lot of it is down to the uncertainty, no one knows what is going to happen in the near future and that makes us panic. My family are in NZ and an Easter trip was sadly cancelled.
Time passes slowly, but also flies by, so I just comfort myself that soon I might look back and this will all just be a tiny blip in the bigger picture.
Hang in there.

Davida1968 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:57:44

Pelican, you have my sincere sympathy. DH & I are in exactly the same situation as you are: truly I understand how it feels. To keep myself in a positive frame of mind I'm focusing on making a trip next year, and in the meantime, we keep in regular contact via all the modern technology that's available.

SueDonim Sun 05-Jul-20 14:32:49

My son and his family are also in the US. We last saw them over a year ago and they should have been coming over to the UK this summer. All canx, of course. I’ve put out of my head any likelihood of seeing them this year and set my sights on next year.

I feel that by looking at it that way, it has removed the current ‘can they, can’t they’ aspect and I feel more settled.

NannyB2604 Wed 08-Jul-20 06:16:35

I agree with SueDonim. We've put all thoughts of seeing our DS and family (living in South Korea) before next year. It's not easy, but I do feel more settled (resigned?) about it.

CassieJ Wed 08-Jul-20 09:34:02

I am in the same boat. I should have actually been in Canada now staying with my son and his family. All booked a year ago, but then cancelled due to Covid. Last saw them over 18 months ago.

I am now focusing on going this time next year. I can't see that we will be able to before that.

Tynsall Mon 20-Jul-20 23:18:11

Hi I have just read your letter and I empathise, I have just seen my grandson enjoying his fourth birthday in Canada. It hurts, especially this year when we can’t visit. Even though we have this wonderful technology it’s not the same. It was made worse by the fact the other grandma is there with them for every birthday, Christmas & holiday.I don’t enjoy the feeling of jealousy but it’s unavoidable. We are only human I long to cuddle my 2 year & 4 year old grandchildren, hopefully we will be able to visit next year.

hondagirl Tue 21-Jul-20 06:59:43

Yes, it's really hard. I have my daughter and family living in another country and my son in a different country. Some days I feel very sad and lonely, wondering when I might be able to see them again especially as I lost my husband last year. I really miss my grandchildren. There is a small light at the end of the tunnel in that there was some good news re a vaccine which is being trialled in Oxford and there are talks of some doses being available as soon as September. We just have to be strong and every day we get through is a day nearer to seeing them.

Nansnet Tue 21-Jul-20 09:09:49

I totally understand how you feel. We live overseas, and most of our family live in the UK, but our DS, DiL & GC live in yet another country. Like everyone else, we have absolutely no idea when travel restrictions will be lifted, or when it will be safe for us all to get to see each other again. It deeply saddens me when I think about the situation we are in, so I do try to make a determined effort to push it to the back on my mind, otherwise I'd go crazy, and we make the most of regular video calls. Obviously, it's not ideal, and far from what I want, but there are so many of us in the same situation. I think we should all just try to be thankful that our families are safe and healthy, and hopefully, in the not too distant future, we can all look forward to happy reunions.

Rosina Tue 21-Jul-20 09:56:45

It's such a sad time if family are abroad and uncertainty is upsetting. We'll have to travel hopefully in spirit, and hope that travelling safely will happen before too long. The news about vaccines and the treatment that much depletes the effects of Covidwas good news to read this morning. It's all about attitude isn't it? I try very hard to remember I am lucky to be alive and well, and hope to see my dear family soon. I can't allow myself to slide into negative thougths as a poor attitude will destroy me and not help those around me now.

cookiemonster66 Tue 21-Jul-20 10:00:13

Pelican - at the start of lock down, I was the same. Looking back now I recognise those 'waves of panic, sadness, fear, being angry' are all signs of anxiety and/or depression. I was having panic attacks, heart palpitations, hyperventilating, I knew I had to reign it in & not let it get the upper hand. I already do mindfulness to help with anxiety, and pain relief, but I decided to try CBD oil. I have to say I am so glad I did, I am now having the best sleep I have ever had in my entire life, pain always kept me awake, suffered with night terrors, now I am getting 10+ hours of refreshing sleep. Which in turn helps with my pain management during the day. It also calmed me down, and no more anxiety or panic attacks. So give it a go, keeping the black dog of depression away is a constant struggle, I wish you well x

Gingergirl Tue 21-Jul-20 10:02:21

Your fear is not irrational and completely understandable. Underneath anger or irritation, is often fear. You can only go with how you’re feeling. Once you recognise it, and are aware of it, you can begin to accept it. I would try to distract myself from time to time though, with anything or anyone that makes you feel a little bit happier. This will pass eventually but in the meantime, you can only go with how it is and know you’re not alone in your suffering,

vickymeldrew Tue 21-Jul-20 10:36:47

Dear Pelican - you describe your feelings so well. I’m in the same boat and have been worried about how debilitating these feelings are. It’s so hard to explain. You don’t want to go around looking/feeling so miserable all the time but the pain is real. Sometimes I struggle to present a cheerful persona to others and find myself being over sensitive to quite innocent remarks. Thank goodness for Gransnet and a chance to share our thoughts.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

TanaMa Tue 21-Jul-20 10:48:22

Am looking forward to the day when we post and read about more variety of subjects than the c.virus. Even the news on TV and radio seem to be obsessed! It seems as if this is the only subject worth talking about!

Hawera1 Tue 21-Jul-20 10:48:26

As our PM said these are extraordinary times. It sounds like you might need a little help to help you get through this. Don't be afraid to.ask for counselling or maybe antidepressants. The other thing you could do is make some small personal crafts. Maybe a cushion with family photos, names dates or quilts to show your family how much you love them and could be handed down. I like to call them comfort quilts. You don't have an expert sewer. There are plenty of tutorials on line.

Frankie51 Tue 21-Jul-20 10:54:44

I feel the same, my son and his family live in Canada. I'm going to wait till next year to fly out. I'm 69 with asthma so have been careful. There is hope of a vaccine now and it looks very hopeful for one soon The airline I was flying to Toronto with has extended my ticket for 2 years. I was supposed to be flying out tomorrow originally. I am very hopeful of going next year, but like you I'm scared too. Looking at the orwvioys pandemics they did all go eventually. The viruses are still around but have become seasonal viruses. Try not to worry honestly I think life will get back to normal after the winter.

Cp43 Tue 21-Jul-20 10:54:55

It’s not irrational at all. You can’t bat the fear away like a fly. I was the same at beginning, panic struck as I’m not ready to accept anyone I know dying especially family. Then I got the virus in March and recovered as did my husband. I’ve calmed down the panic a bit and wear masks and if necessary gloves. I take wipes with me everywhere. You’ll have to quietly accept other people aren’t as compassionate as you are.

Cp43 Tue 21-Jul-20 10:58:15

I’m keen to know which CBD oil you got. I’d like to get some.