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Welcome to the *Gransnet Café. This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.

Am I being selfish or is my husband being selfish?

(77 Posts)
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dollyjo Fri 24-Mar-17 11:18:16

Background - I will start by saying we have 2 dogs and my husband idolises them. I have 2 children from my 1st marriage and both they and their children totally accept and love my 2nd husband. To all intents and purposes, we are a happy family. I should say my husband has never wanted children of his own - he prefers dogs.

Problem - Some years ago, my husband refused to renew his passport as he doesn't want to go on foreign holidays and leave his dogs in kennels (Up to then, he had happily left them in a very good kennel without difficulty.) So for the past 8 years, I have holidayed abroad with friends with my husband's blessing. My husband and I have taken holidays in UK in self-catering accommodation where we can take our dogs with us. I enjoy these breaks but they are not really a holiday as I still have the housekeeping to do whilst he walks our dogs for miles.

We will be celebrating our 40th Wedding anniversary next year and I would dearly like to go on an Anniversary Cruise to celebrate. When I suggested this to my husband, he replied that he was thinking more along the lines of a party. I don't want a party - that just means more work for me! He did a 'surprise 40th birthday party for me 35yrs ago and told me the night before that he had not ordered any food - he hadn't thought about that. (I can laugh about it now)
I could just go ahead and book the cruise as a 'surprise' but is that fair and would he go?

In case you are wondering, I love our dogs too but I treat them as 'pets.' My husband's 1st thoughts are always about the dogs and they both adore him. He even gets up in the night to let them out when they scratch on the kitchen door. Consequently, we never have a full night's sleep! I could say more but I think you will have got the picture.

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dollyjo Tue 28-Mar-17 00:11:34

I am wondering if I have done my husband a disservice.
He is very easy to live with and we do have a one week holiday in a rented cottage each year. We are both happy to do this because the dogs come with us. This year, it is Anglesey.
I suggested a cruise because our 40th is so special and we have been on cruises in the past and left previous dogs in kennels.
One thing this thread has shown me is that I would be wrong to insist on a cruise because we would not enjoy it, if he would be worrying about the dogs. He won't leave them in the care of someone else.
He has no objection to me going abroad and in recent years I have been to America, Cuba, Italy, Malta and New Zealand without him. This year I am going to Australia with friends.

This thread has helped me to recognise how lucky I am. It is just a question of finding the right way in which to celebrate our 40th.
Thank you to everyone who has contributed, your thoughts and suggestions. They have really helped me to realise that a cruise would be wrong.

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