Gransnet forums

Gransnet cafe

Welcome to the *Gransnet Café. This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.


(15 Posts)
marylane1996 Thu 02-Aug-18 11:00:46

I haven't seen my adorable gs for 6 months as his mother my daughter wont let me. He has been in hospital for a further hip and leg op and I have had no information as to how it has gone or how he is. I have tried Mediation suggested by my solicitor and she did not attend. My son in law whom I have always got on with seems to have just opted out and has had no correspondence with me, so I now face Court in two weeks. My gs is approaching 12 and I want him to have a normal life with friends and clubs he belongs to so have asked for 2 hours a month which is ridiculously low but I don't want him to feel resentful at having to stay in with me but want him to be happy with his friends and x box. My daughter has had mental health issues for over 30 years and likes to exercise control not just with me but her husband also. My 20 year old granddaughter left home as soon as she was 18 to get away from it all but she isn't texting me as she thinks I am being selfish and basically wants to keep out of it. I am representing myself at court owing to the huge solicitor cost. Has anyone been through this or has any comments please. I shouldn't be scared at my age but I am as Court is such a big step but I do want contact with my gs.

glammanana Thu 02-Aug-18 12:10:42

I can understand you being sad not seeing your DGS and knowing how he is progressing with his treatment.
Going to Court would never enter my head as it would surely alianate your DD further, am I right in saying the Court can not make the child come to visit you as you are requesting just give guidelines and leave it up to the mother & father.
Remember also at 12 yrs old your DGS has a mind of his own and may not want to comply with any such order.

rubytut Thu 02-Aug-18 13:00:26

Difficult situation, it will be up to the 12 year old, a court cannot force him to do anything. If you can get a phone number for him a friendly text every so often would keep lines of communication open so that he has some connection when he is old enough to do as he likes. So sorry for you.

stella1949 Thu 02-Aug-18 13:07:42

I would never do this - sorry but I just wouldn't. I love my GC more than life but I'd never go to court to force a 12 year old to spend time with me.

I agree with rubytut - try to get his phone number and send some texts. I personally wouldn't go any further than that.

FlexibleFriend Thu 02-Aug-18 20:09:47

Surely at 12 if he wanted to get in touch he would. I think kids just naturally drift away as they reach this age. I certainly don't remember having much contact with my GP's once I stopped tagging along with mum and dad. I'm really not sure what you're hoping to achieve except alienate your daughter further.

Jtjade Fri 17-Aug-18 09:07:08

You have to have experienced this to know how it feels.
Not having contact with a darling grandchild through no fault of your own is like a living bereavement.
Going to court is to apply for permission to ask the judge for an access order.
No one will force a child to visit. At 12 years old he will be able to have a say in the matter. If access is granted it will be a gradual process. You have come this far, what have you to lose? A relationship has to be bad to get to this in the first place. Be prepared to go with the wishes of your grandchild.
Lots of luck

Namsnanny Fri 31-May-19 19:33:52

marylane1996.....What was the outcome? flowers

M0nica Sat 01-Jun-19 17:51:17

You do not give us any idea why your DD does not allow you contact with your DGS.

With the boy being 12 and you talking of court action to insist you have access to him . Has it occurred to you, as others have pointed out, that he may say he doesn't want to see you. At 12 they will not make him do so if he does not want to.

Aren'tou being rather controlling and is that the cause of all your problems? How will you feel if it is him who says he doesn't want to see you?

Urmstongran Sat 01-Jun-19 18:05:42

The OP was August last year! Done & dusted (or busted) by now.

I wonder how it went?

Unhappy1 Mon 12-Aug-19 14:18:48

Marylan...I know your case was last year..but wondering how it went.
Last week my case was dismissed ..after 9 months a d four court appearances. Permission to apply was granted...stating I had a close relationship with my grandson...however due to parental hostilities I failed.
It amazes me that people have stated going to court is wrong.
How can that be?
Your son or daughter tell will never see your grandchild again...what are u supposed to do...sit back and say oh well...that's that?
Grandparents have no legal right to access.
The court is the last place I wanted to be..I'm 71...but even tho I lost...I would encourage anyone to fight your corner.
My grandson 5 had no knowledge of the court it should be.
The more grandparents go to court...the law may eventually change.
I lost...I will loose contact with my grandson they are moving to an unknow address
Would I do it again...I sure would.
Knowing what I now know about the court proceedure...I would go more prepared.
If anyone is going to court..I would be willing to give any advice I could...

Jimjam1 Mon 12-Aug-19 15:21:47

I personally think once you involve the legal system it becomes a battle ground. I know this is a bit old fashioned in this present day have you tried writing to your GS?

Unhappy1 Mon 12-Aug-19 20:10:16

Jimijam1.....he's 5 yrs
Old..he can't read

Jimjam1 Mon 12-Aug-19 22:41:17

Sorry missed the age☹️

elania Tue 14-Jul-20 14:07:36

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

geekesse Tue 14-Jul-20 14:58:11

Reported as spam.