I would like some input....Without going into details, I've been struggling with deep anxiety lately. It's something I've dealt with since early childhood, but haven't had for decades. Yet, life circumstances thrust it upon me once again. This time, I'm searching for the 'why'. Why now? What's different this time? I've felt so immature with it. Yet....
I think I found my answer and I wanted to get your wise opinions...see if any of you can relate or have further insight...
Throughout my life the loved ones in my life, parents, spouse, now children have/are trying to quiet my emotions. Telling me either literally or through unspoken words/actions that what I 'feel' is stupid, of no value, or at the worst wrong...that I shouldn't feel what I do.
What I've come to realize is that abusers do this to their victims. If you can convince someone that what they're feeling is wrong or that they have no right to feel that way then the abuser is free to do whatever they please to their victim. Our emotions are quite literally inconvenient for them.
This has affected me by basically "shutting me down" (or shutting me up!) emotionally. I've been taught to deny what I feel or not speak them for fear of retribution.
I think this is what's behind the anxiety. Think about it, if one is trapped in a situation, it is anxiety producing. Right?
The last couple decades were great because it was in that time that I learned it was ok to 'feel'. And how to deal with and accept my feelings. But over the last few months, like I said, life has thrown circumstances at me where loved ones are, again, trying to shut me up, tell me my emotions are baseless and grounds for ignoring me (my emotions are inconvenient for them).
I'm just wondering if anyone else can relate.
In case you're wondering...I'm not a whiner or a drama queen, I'm simply human, when I'm cut I bleed and I say "Ouch." But that is what I'm being told is too much.
Thank you for listening!
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