It's brave of you to reach out and I do hope you put the work in to find the help you need.
Whatever our age I don't think we are ever ready to lose our parents.
It is never easy being without parental support but you are already parenting your children and that's something to be proud of.
You were in your 30's when your parents died, it's young but you at least had sometime with them as an adult. Hold on to that.
I know a lady who lost her mum when she was 11 and her dad when she was 16. She had 2 boys in her 20's, was in a bad accident before the youngest started school and is now a gran.
It can be done. She found help in different places at different times in her life, find your help.
Give Cruse a call, you'd be surprised just how many different grieving experiences they understand.
And if you want to understand your situation as an Adult Orphan then get on the web. In the meantime start thinking of how you can raise your self esteem, start reading, find ways to look after yourself "As If" you were your own parent.
While it can be a tough and lonely place to be with 3 children, health factors and grief there are agencies out there if you are willing to go find them.
Have you thought about looking at Homestart or an agency that offers family support that would in other circumstances would be provided by family. If there is such an organisation near you their volunteers offer different types of support.
Also have you thought about volunteering ? There are lonely older people who would love to have someone phone them, meet for coffee/tea or be asked to be surrogate grandparents.
Don't just look for what you want look also for what you could give.
There are no magic fairies with pink wands but there are agencies out there.
With self help, learning and effort you can improve your situation.
You've taken a big step by acknowledging your loss, your aloneness and your need for others in your life.
I hope you keep going and find a way to get your life closer to how you want it to be. I wish you good luck because we all need a bit of good luck.
But most importantly I would encourage You to Take Care of Yourself through your tough times.