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Feeling hopeless

(26 Posts)
nananet01 Sun 08-Nov-20 13:01:06

I'm 62. My husband is 65. We have been together for 19 years. I am feeling quite hopeless about everything.
I'm normally one who is there for others. I feel I am sinking and cannot pick myself up.

Grandmafrench Sun 08-Nov-20 13:18:23

Hi 🙋‍♀️ so sorry you’re feeling so down. It won’t help much but you’re certainly not on your own with these feelings. I’m trying to work out if it’s your relationship that’s worrying you....or, because you say you’re normally there for others, you feel you’re getting no support yourself. If that’s the case, do your friends/family (because they rely on you a lot) not realise how you feel? You must tell them. You cannot be everyone’s shoulder - you’ll need a shoulder yourself sometimes.....especially now I should think.

If you sit and think about what you like to do - or what small thing might make a good difference to your mood at the moment - could you set to and do it? Anything, however small, might help to lift your sinking feelings. Does your DH know how you feel? Again, unless he is the cause of your problem, he may be able to help. If he is the cause of your problems, you will need to tell him and between you, try to find a way forward. You owe it to yourself to start to feel better and more positive, not worse. .
Wishing you well. Keep posting!

Katyj Sun 08-Nov-20 13:53:20

Hi, I know that feeling nana I’m feeling exactly like that today. My mum is in hospital with covid, I haven’t seen her for 5 weeks now. I’ve been a carer now for 30 years ,first for my dad and now mum. Also the rest of my family could do with some help they are all run off their feet ,and me and dh are sat here bored stiff.
I feel as if my arms have been cut off and I’ve been locked away with just a phone for comfort.
Is it the lockdown that’s getting you down ? At least you can chat on here.

Daddima Sun 08-Nov-20 14:22:22

Sorry to hear that, Nana. The role of ‘fixer’ can be a very difficult one, as everybody assumes you’ll be on top of everything, and sometimes you can be loath to let on that you’re struggling. Are there things you could do something about, or is it a case of learning to accept that you can’t do anything?
Hope you feel better.

Luckygirl Sun 08-Nov-20 15:06:13

Look after yourself. Sorry you are feeling down. flowers

sodapop Sun 08-Nov-20 17:18:16

I'm sorry you feel so down at the moment nananet it's difficult when everyone expects you to be the strong one. Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel and who can support you. Try not to take on other people's problems and tell people you are struggling a bit at present.
I hope life gets better for you soon.

Sophiasnana Sun 08-Nov-20 23:57:12

I could have written exactly the same thing! I am the same age, husband the same age. Happy marriage, no money worries, happily retired... but in the last couple of weeks feel so flat and hopeless about everything. Is it the covid lockdown effect (I’m in Scotland) , the dark nights? I dont know. Nothing seems to cheer me up any more, even seeing my beloved grandchildren . Its a horrible feeling.

Txquiltz Mon 09-Nov-20 00:45:39

Sorry you are in this rough patch. All the COVID changes in life make us feel very vulnerable. You might try contacting friends you had not encountered in a long time...maybe from school or work days. Just the act of catching up over the phone or in letters brings new perspectives to get through this time. All the best.

Teetime Mon 09-Nov-20 09:51:49

I am sorry you are feeling low nanenet01. This is such a horrible time and this second partial lockdown seems harder than the first one to me. I watched the service at the Cenotaph on TV yesterday and I did feel very hopeless - it seems no-one can fix this year at all. I'm trying to be positive, getting some things ready for Christmas but its harder each dy. DH usually the strong one is very much affected by this situation and showing signs of his inward stress- he is disinclined to talk about things just goes for another walk. we are still in the middle of a very tortuous house move which really shouldn't be a problem but it means our lives are on hold - we really dont know if we are staying here or moving nearer to our daughter and grandson. I am very cross with myself for using food and drink as comfort but cant seem to stop so feeling very fat and unfit too.

J52 Mon 09-Nov-20 10:34:45

flowers to everyone. I know exactly what you are all describing. Like Sophiasnana I really have nothing to worry about, but I feel I’m on the edge of tears. It only takes a little thing to set me off. It is the COVID effect.
DH, I and family members have had it, all mildly. But I think it is something that can be caught again, as it’s that type of virus.
Fortunately DH has a very balanced view on life and is a great support. He’s keeping busy with a complex building project in our house.
Best wishes to all.

Alexa Mon 09-Nov-20 10:40:36

How long have you felt like this Nana? We all feel sad and anxious when tired, or otherwise physically run down. However if the hopeless feeling has been unremitting for days you should ring your doctor.

Doodledog Mon 09-Nov-20 11:36:00

Do you have any idea yourself about what it is (in particular) that is getting you down, nananet?

It's true that a lot of people are feeling low just now, and it would be surprising if that were not the case, but I've never found it useful to be told that I'm not alone with whatever is bothering me. I was brought up like that - 'well it could be worse - think of all the poor children, and don't be ungrateful', sort of thing.

These days, it has become almost a competition, I've noticed. As soon as someone says that they are sick of being stuck indoors (for example), someone replies with 'Oh, you aren't the only one - I've been stuck indoors and the loo roll is running out!'. I am using a silly example deliberately, but it can be a bit like that, and it can put people off saying anything and make them bottle things up, which is unhelpful.

You mentioned your husband and marriage - is that what is getting to you? Again, it can be a strain on the most loving relationship to be cooped up together for long periods. I'm not asking you to comment on that on here (unless you are comfortable with that), but to suggest that you try to pinpoint the specific nature of what is getting you down, so that you can perhaps address it more usefully.

I know that a lot of people are suffering from health anxiety, which can be paralysing. If that is the case, there may be online support groups, or your GP may even be able to help you to access counselling. If it is depression, then maybe a short course of anti-depressants might help. In either case, as Alexa points out, a quick chat with your GP could be a good place to start.

TimetoBlossom Mon 09-Nov-20 16:27:13

Firstly, well done for posting this because it will help so many others who are feeling similar.
I really hope you can feel better and here are some techniques.
Phone or Zoom someone for a chat.
Get outside, look at the leaves, the birds, the plants and remember that everything constantly evolves and changes and that this feeling and this virus will pass.
Make a list of positive things about yourself and pin it up where you can see it.
Have a pyjama day. Long hot bath, Watch comedy or an upbeat film and make a treat dinner.
Do something different. Play snap, Do some exercises. Try yoga or meditation.
Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings.
Hope some of these ideas might help. Also this always cheers me up.

toscalily Mon 09-Nov-20 16:52:40

I think second time around we are all finding it so much more difficult, the nights are getting darker, it is often grey & miserable outside whereas during the Spring and Summer being able to go out more if only onto a balcony or into the garden gave us a lift. I know I have felt quite down over the last week, you are not alone nananet01 . I would also recommend Yoga & any of the other suggestions posted. Best wishes to everyone, it will get better. flowers

Meaux Sat 14-Nov-20 19:29:09

Hi nannanet01, I hope you are holding up. Please find someone to talk - doodle dog is quite right, your GP might be a good place to start. Mine was wonderful when I was in a similar position. Also, put yourself first for a bit and treat yourself with the same love and compassion that you no doubt lavish in others. You are worth it xxx

Nanderin Tue 17-Nov-20 19:29:24

I know exactly how you feel I too feel very despondent can't seem to come out of it . Big hugs. xxthanks

Primrose73 Tue 22-Dec-20 16:29:32

I am sinking deeper,, just can't seem to get out of it.

LauraNorder Tue 22-Dec-20 16:40:36

Oh dear Primrose73, are you alone or is there someone you can talk to?
Why are you feeling so low today? Is it this horrid covid and lockdown?
Today has just a little more daylight and every day now will be just a bit longer. Little snowdrops will soon pop through and before we know it spring will be here, warmth and daffodils, vaccinations and gatherings. A little bit of normality is not far away.
Come back and chat to me, I’m sure others will be along soon flowers

AGAA4 Tue 22-Dec-20 16:47:32

To Nana and Primrose so sorry you are feeling low flowers

EllanVannin Tue 22-Dec-20 17:02:18

Don't suffer in silence, alone. We're all here and doubtless one or two through the night if they can't sleep. You're never alone with your thoughts on here, just speak up as it does help to talk. flowers

BlueBelle Tue 22-Dec-20 17:28:03

I think it’s all so understandable I m a fairly upbeat person but for about a week I ve just felt a low mood nothing particular, nothing I could put my finger on but it seems to have lifted today but I think it’s really common at the moment for most people
We really don’t get to hear anything good at the moment it’s just more and more discouraging bad news on TV, Radio, talk amongst friends there’s really nothing bright to do or chat about Nights are dark, days are cold and a bit depressing, and all entertainment off limits I think we had hope it would be coming to an end soon but it feels like we re back to the beginning again and that’s more than enough to put us on the wrong foot
I don’t agree with posters saying go to the doctor this is a reaction to a situation and not a major depression

LauraNorder Tue 22-Dec-20 17:33:39

Don’t go away Primrose. A few on here already who are ready to listen if want to chat or just to cheer you along if that’s what you need.

Redhead56 Tue 22-Dec-20 18:17:34

I know most people have been really down especially this year. I get fed up with the arthritis it’s bad at night and keeps me up late. I have noticed since lockdown I argue with my DH more I get tired and irritable. But that’s easy for me I was a redhead when younger. It’s only ever about trivial things I know it must be the virus causing everyone to be anxious. I know this because my friends are going through the same thing.

Get yourself cosy and go through some of the older threads on this sight if they don’t make you laugh I don’t know what will. Especially when there is a controversial subject being discussed they are so funny. And some one else suggested the night owl thread that’s good too. There is always someone here to talk too and you need never feel alone.

LauraNorder Tue 22-Dec-20 18:33:32

There is a lovely thread going on at the moment about ‘what would I have done without Gransnet’ lots of lovely people enjoying each others company and saying what gransnet means to us. It might lift your spirits to join in Primrose.

Ginny42 Tue 22-Dec-20 19:28:52

It's hard, but I agree with those who say stay in touch with people on here. It's important talk, and I know from experience that Gnetters are great listeners.

I too have down times when I just have to wait for my mood to lift. I'm alone for 23 hours a day after an hour's walk in the mornings. I haven't seen my daughter and family for exactly a year now and won't be able to fly to them or them come here for an even longer time now with the discovery of the mutant virus strain. I almost cracked for the first time when I thought I'd heard I couldn't go to my sister's for Christmas lunch. We talk every day, but I haven't seen her since August, but when I listened to the next bulletin I realised I'd got it wrong and my spirits lifted immediately.

In my lowest mood at the weekend I couldn't face putting my tree up as it would just emphasise the fact that they're not here. However, my neighbour, who's buried her Mum today, needed a tree for when her grandchildren in her bubble will be coming and couldn't face going to buy one so I've lent her mine. So my tree's up, just not in my house! I went and peeped at it through their window and it looks just as lovely as it would here. I'm thrilled someone is enjoying it. Sometimes it's the small things that make the biggest difference.