Meeting the other grandparents.

We have a 16 year old DGS whose maternal grandad, a widower at the time DGS was born, we have never met... We also have a 10 year old DGD whose DF vanished to all intents and purposes before she was born. His DM was very kind with letters and presents to our DD and DGD but we never met her and have now lost touch. Our 6 year old GS has a large extended family who have regular full scale gatherings. We have met them all which has turned out to be a mixed blessing. I was always puzzled that there was never any real attempt to introduce us to the extended family of the older children. Apologies for any mistakes with the acronyms....!

I have met the other grandparent. We have met at gc birthday parties and we get on well. No jealousy on my part as she lives close to her daughter and I live 140 miles away and don't see gc often.

Personally I wouldn’t push it if I were you.
My DS met a girl 14 years ago and she moved in with him and got pregnant almost immediately so I started asking DDL (they are now married) if we could meet her parents, hoping we could all have a good relationship, sadly it was not to be. We arranged a meet up once before our DGC was born, everything was on their terms which we went along with, but as soon as baby was born they turned vile for no reason. It turns out DDL knew her mother was a narcissist and her father an enabler to her mother and when the mother realised she couldn’t stop my relationship with our DS she turned against him, us and in fact her own daughter too. It was extremely stressful for years. I was sad as we haven’t a big family and I had hoped we could of just been friends for the young couples sake but sadly that will never happen now in my lifetime. We are all happier without them in our lives. So if her side is not keen on meeting up my advice would be don’t push it as strange and odd as this may seem, I have a friend who is at present going through same thing as we went through with her DS’s family too. It seems not all families are up for trying to make friends with they’re children’s families to make their lives happier instead they are riddled with jealousy because they don’t like the fact of another family in their DS or DD’s life and selfishly only worry about how they feel.

Well my son wife’s mother she was horrible from word go. She’s a bitter woman and trust me it wasn’t for the lack of trying to get on with her. I’m a chatty easy going person She just never wanted to try.Her dad said I shouldn’t take it personal but he speaks when meet but he’s not very chatty typical man.but they don’t live close so it’s only special occasion met up.At my sons home My other daughter inlaw get on really well with parents more her mum because her dad not much of a talker lol. Her mum and myself talk like know each other for years. But you don’t have to get on with them, but it makes life easier if you do ?

We have 4 AC so 4 sets of in laws. All are ok apart from one of the fathers who behaved badly at the wedding. We have a pleasant relationship with each set and meet up occasionally but have nothing in common with them. We all maintain this nice relationship for the sake of our AC and GC.

My parents wanted to meet up with my partner's parents before our wedding, as they thought it rather odd to meet for the first time at the wedding venue. My in-laws were not interested in the slightest. They met again at our one of our children's birthdays but MIL still had no interest in interacting with my parents. Some people are just that way.

We have met, and regularly see all six ‘other grandparents’. We have even spent Christmas with them. They are all lovely people and have given us lovely DILs. We feel so lucky!

We met our other set shortly after dd and Sil bought a house together, before they were married.

They don’t live anywhere near us or dd and Sil, so we don’t see them very often, but I’m glad to say that they’re lovely people and we all get in fine - dd is very lucky with her MiL!

(Of course I have to add that the MiL is very lucky with dd too…).

Yes, my daughter in law's parents are absolutely lovely and we get on well, even to an occasional meeting just between ourselves. My son's birth mother is another matter as she refuses to meet me. We adopted him at 6 weeks old. As a result I was very put out when within 24 hours of my new granddaughter's birth, she raced down from quite a few miles away to see the baby. I just can't see the new baby as being anything to do with her. AIBU?

How wise of you Grandmabatty, I am sure your DD and SIL appreciate your tact.

My dd married the son of my best friend so....... YES!

Yes, I have met all other grandparents. One set live in Canada and that granny has now sadly died. See the one granny here at special celebrations, but her husband died before our DVD was born.

There are no rules but I hope you do get to meet them Begaa, that you get on and can have a cordial relationship even if you don't become friends, for the sake of your DGC.

some families are just different, my mum never met my mother in law until they met when i got married 10 years after having my son, i see my grandson every few weeks and we usually go out, he sees his grandad (my daughter in laws dad) at his house most weeks as he does not go out, i knew her dad long before i even had my son as he used to come to the pub my mum ran back in the late 70s, we get on great when we meet up. some in-laws don't feel the need to meet up, you will probably meet at some point at the childs birthday. please don't take it as a snub, they could be shy or anxious or just don't feel the need to get to know you.

I’ve met my sil’s long-divorced parents. The dad is horrible. Sleazy, odious and bigoted. The mum is the most selfish person I’ve ever met. If she’s not the centre of attention she throws a complete strop. On the other hand my ex husband and his partner we see a lot as co-GPs. His partner is a lovely woman and looks after ‘my’ GCs beautifully. ?? ….. sorry I don’t see them as hers. I know it’s really really really bad but there you go. On the other hand I think of my partner as a proper Grandad. I dunno. Psychology of a divorcee.

What works for one family doesnt work for another

May I ask why you want to meet the other set of gp?

You asked at least 5 times and you got no answer - that is an answer by itself, they are not interested.
I would drop it.

So quite the opposite of wanting to avoid Jacky B seems like they want to avoid us . ?‍♀️?‍♀️ Why are families so complicated sometimes eh ?

Son and Partner just had DGD who is perfect just we have mentioned a few times we should really meet her dad and stepmum ( no mum involved) this was well before baby born , I messaged on facebook saying we should really meet up at least 5 times and nothing is even said no yes or no when mentioned .mentioned to son and he doesnt seem to think its an issue that both sets of grandparents never meet . When his partner was in labour i did message and say could I phone and have quick chat trying to push things forward a touch but she said she was busy and thats as far as it went .They only live an hour n half away and seem ok but other than facebook i have no idea of address or any other way to get in contact , so was just asking if it was a normal thing seems not . Thank you all

Cabbie21, I note you saying you would like to have met up more but it just hasn't happened. Well, somebody has to instigate it. Why not you? Could be the start of some real fun times. I certainly enjoy mine.

Why do you ask, Begaa? Are you about to become a grandparent? Do you want to avoid the other side of the family? If so, why? And, come to that, how?

Many thanks all ??

Chewbacca

I've become very close friends with DILs mum, we go out together regularly to theatre, cinema etc. Meeting up for lunch today actually. We also take our mutual GC, and her other GC, for days out altogether. It's been an unexpected bonus.

Same here with the one who lives in this country, Chewbacca.

We see the overseas ones whenever we manage to get out there, usually go out for a meal and a catchup with them. Other Grandma and I message each other sometimes.

Met one granddad few times only he lives abroad where the wedding took place. His wife lives a mile away from us we see her regular she is at my DS house most days.

Other grandparents who live about forty miles from us also live separately met grandad a few times. We have seen grandma quite a lot and keep in touch with her as we text each other and do occasionally meet up.

Another who has the happiest relation with the other grandmother. There is only one other grandparent, as only one AC is married and DDil's mother has been a widow for over 40 years.

For us both families have bonded as one, we refer to each other as family and act on it. She lives 200 miles away in the same town as DS and his wife, her daughter.

We stay with her when we visit, although, obviously we haven't visited now for 18 months. We have been on holiday together and we have wlecomed her to stay with us. During lockdown we have been in touch regulalry

I often speak to the GC other GM but my DH isn’t keen on the other GD, never has been, so I can’t see us being massive friends. My DD is very lucky to have wonderful in laws who will do anything for her and the children.