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Welcome to the *Gransnet Café. This is a non-judgemental space for you to pop in for a cuppa with some virtual friends, seek out advice for a particular problem, or share an update on your life - important or trivial. Feel free to have your say and chat about your day, but please leave any arguments at the door. If you're struggling to find someone to talk to in real life, or are simply looking for a bit of a chat, this is the place for you.

Is it the start of dementia?

(32 Posts)
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ExDancer Wed 14-Sep-22 20:22:21

How do you proceed if your husband shows signs of dementia? He's just spent 2 hrs on the phone to 'Microsoft' and given them details of their bank account, for instance?
(There was only £400 in it - which they can't afford to loose) - as they'd just paid a big bill) and she rang the bank who cancelled their cards and prevented anyone accessing the account. They, the bank, did say an attempt had been made but the scammers had made them suspicious because they'd tried to transfer the whole amount down to the last penny.
Husband refuses to talk about it and blames the wife for interfering, as their cards are useless until the new ones are sent.
He's already done other strange things like buying things from Amazon and forgetting about them, he bought 3 identical pairs of walking boots, and recently refused to go on a holiday on the morning of the flight.
He won't see the doctor about anything, for example his knee keeps collapsing so he almost falls, he won't get his eyes tested incase its cataracts, he sits on the loo talking to himself, leaves taps running - various examples of odd and worrying behaviour.
Could she speak to his GP about her worries without the GP letting him know? She's terrified he might find out she's gone behind his back and consulted the surgery because he gets frighteningly angry - not physically, but can say some vile things when riled.
Where does she go for help?

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25Avalon Fri 28-Oct-22 11:23:16

You could try Age UK who can give all sorts of advice and be a listening ear. At the end of the day, however, so long as the dh has mental capacity, he is the one who makes the choices.

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biglouis Fri 28-Oct-22 11:39:56

My NDN has shown signs of dementia for some time - confusion, paranoia and obsessive behaviour. I suspect that her husband kept her in check to some extent but he died in December last.

My cctv has shown her wandering around behind the houses in what appears to be a nightie and knocking on doors, mine included. Thank heavens for ring doorbells. Ive seen the NDN from her other side talking to her and walking her back to her door. I never had a good relationship with this lady so I am keeping well out of it. Her family will need to step in.

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volver Fri 28-Oct-22 11:51:31

Her family will need to step in.

I'm going to admit that I'm a bit touchy about dementia at the moment. I don't know anything about the NDN but the attitude that the family are going to have to step in is pernicious. If a person truly has dementia, it may be far too much for the family to handle. The NHS and Care System have to step in, and if there is any suspicion of dementia, I would recommend to everyone that those agencies are included as quickly as possible.

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ParlorGames Fri 28-Oct-22 11:56:54

biglouis

My NDN has shown signs of dementia for some time - confusion, paranoia and obsessive behaviour. I suspect that her husband kept her in check to some extent but he died in December last.

My cctv has shown her wandering around behind the houses in what appears to be a nightie and knocking on doors, mine included. Thank heavens for ring doorbells. Ive seen the NDN from her other side talking to her and walking her back to her door. I never had a good relationship with this lady so I am keeping well out of it. Her family will need to step in.

Have you alerted the NDN's family about her behaviour? They might not be aware and it would be a shame to neglect the issue in the event that she comes to some serious harm to herself or unintentionally harms someone else.

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MerylStreep Fri 28-Oct-22 12:07:03

ParlorGames
I think biglouis has made it very clear that she has no intention of helping the poor soul next door.

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choughdancer Fri 28-Oct-22 14:00:14

Although she hasn't got dementia, my mum is very deaf and has a poor short term memory (she's 100 today! cupcake ). I ended up emailing her surgery explaining what I was worried about, and they have been very helpful. I wonder if it's worth the lady emailing or writing to her GP? They may not answer, but at least they will be alerted to her concerns about her husband and can follow up by asking him to come in without giving away that she contacted them.

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