Them/they What does it mean?

My Jack Russel has decided to identify as a human being . No flies on him! Better food and a right to the best chair

It means a request to say, for instance, "The doctor said they needed to take my blood pressure", or for instance " The telephone engineer told me they would come and sort the problem".

Genderless speech concerns humans , but it's still okay to talk about he if it's bull or a dog, or she if it's a cow or a bitch.

lizzypopbottle

Surely when you address or converse with someone you refer to them as you don't you? The word you has no gender. So no problem, surely?

Say this person is accepted as a volunteer and the OP was introducing them to someone else - they could say something along the lines of 'this is X, they are going to be volunteering with us, and I hope you'll help them to settle in'. Pretty straightforward really.

O/P - as others have suggested, take it as if comes, get a feel for them as a person, warmth, kindness, thoughtfulness or otherwise, ditto the organisation.
Behind every label there is a human being and that's what counts. Norah has suggested some good "opening lines" but its likely that the interviewer will take a lead on "how you'd like to be addressed".

Can’t get my head around any of this stuff. I is well old obviously.

Surely when you address or converse with someone you refer to them as you don't you? The word you has no gender. So no problem, surely?

I have absolutely no problem at all with people making up their own minds about how they wish to be addressed, what I do have a problem with is my own use of pronouns for 70+ years, they and them is plural generally and I can't seem to use it for a single person without feeling that my English teacher is waiting over my shoulder to wrap me on the knuckles.

I can’t understand why people get so wound up about other peoples pronouns. It doesn’t hurt you in any way to refer to someone the way they prefer. As to the word woke as an insult, as it means ‘alert to racial or social discrimination and injustice’, I’m proud to be woke.

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Does zee?
That's the latest I've heard.

My Labrador was born a bitch but identifies as a he/him. This doesn't bother me.

Once again, these non-binary people wrongly say, ‘ I use they/them’, when what they actually mean is, ‘ I want other people to use they/them’. Similarly, it is wrong to say, ‘my pronouns are they/them’. MY pronouns are I/me, as are everybody else’s.
Then there’s the talk about being ‘misgendered’; I can honestly say I have no recollection of ever being ‘gendered’ in any way!
Also, one of my son’s colleagues is ‘non-binary’, and is referred to as ‘Mx’ Smith.

Cossy

LaCrepescule

But they represent the organisation MissInterpreted. Anyway, it’s just my opinion and I don’t expect people to agree with me.
I just detest this whole pronoun thing at the bottom of emails - it’s just not relevant.

But it’s clearly both relevant and important to them.

I’ll be honest, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, there are far more important things to worry and fret about in our world!

Exactly this - I have no problem addressing anyone by the way they choose to be addressed.

''When the person's gender is not known or not important''.

I'd just ask her how she'd like to be addressed when you meet her.

It's like meeting someone who never uses their marital status such as ''Jane Smith'' instead of Miss/Mrs Jane Smith.

* Yes, just call them by them's name.*

Oh dear, this really made me laugh out loud and almost spit out my cuppa!

LaCrepescule

But they represent the organisation MissInterpreted. Anyway, it’s just my opinion and I don’t expect people to agree with me.
I just detest this whole pronoun thing at the bottom of emails - it’s just not relevant.

But it’s clearly both relevant and important to them.

I’ll be honest, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, there are far more important things to worry and fret about in our world!

But they represent the organisation MissInterpreted. Anyway, it’s just my opinion and I don’t expect people to agree with me.
I just detest this whole pronoun thing at the bottom of emails - it’s just not relevant.

Wheniwasyourage

The nominative singular neuter pronoun in English is it, not they.

I think they/them is forced slang because how could one publish a book using this grammar? There should be a new singular pronoun not a group name used.

Yes, just call them by them's name.

I applied to Cruse 5 years ago to train to become a volunteer.

The email I received in response to my application had all the pronouns.

The first two paragraphs of the email were telling me how the email may have arrived at a time that was not convenient to me, how I didn’t have to respond unless I felt comfortable doing so, they stressed that personal time was important and how they would never impinge on my space etc etc.

There was one paragraph about the course and an invitation to join the course online!

No interviews, no questions,just a lot of wokery.

I realised immediately I could never work for such an organisation.

Sago

It means the person in question is non binary.
They wish to be addressed as them/they.

I have an opinion on this but I am keeping my fingers off the keyboard.

Sago, she/her FFS!

Sago. I think your opinion and mine may be very similar. My 15 year old grandson told me he had met a girl at his drama school who he likes. He said she was the only girl he had liked who wasn't gay or non-binary. I had to ask what non-binary meant and when I got the answer I added it to the list of why the world is crazy.

LaCrepescule

Sorry but it would put me off volunteering with this organisation and I’d try something else.

Why? It's the person themselves who is saying this, not the organisation.

When you are speaking directly to someone who uses they, then the question does not arise - you use their name or say for example "what do you think about X?" The issue only arises when you are referencing them to someone else.

Non-binary simply means that you do not particularly like your sex and the social implications that go with it so do not wish for it to be part of how people refer to you.

It is distinct from being transgender.

I have a late teenage grandchild who likes to be referred to as they - I get it wrong all the time, as referring to a singular person in the plural goes against my instincts - but I do my best. They are not non-binary, but desirous of changing gender and seeking surgery etc. It is a huge worry.

LisaAN

Does it actually hurt to refer to a non binary person as they/them? My GD has a couple of non binary friends and I have no trouble referring to them by their preferred pronouns.

Non binary is a lifestyle choice.
A non binary person is still their original sex. Identifying as something else doesn’t change biological fact.
Denying that is a lie, but hey, in this era, lying is the new truth in a lot of areas even though telling lies can be hurtful.

It’s fashionable now to “know somebody who is . . .” whatever the current trend happens to be.

When my DGC bring friends round, they introduce them by name, so I use that, or you when addressing them.
Why would anyone use a third person pronoun to their face?
When the friends aren’t present, referring to them correctly as he or she, or they, if I’m referring to more than one can’t hurt them. How would they know?

Grunty

"they" is the subject pronoun. "them" is the object pronoun; used as the object of a verb or preposition. Therefore you could assume that they're not a person at all and you'd be perfectly correct using the address "it".

😂

Sorry but it would put me off volunteering with this organisation and I’d try something else.