Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

I was surprised to find this had popped up again in the recent responses list!

I found an afternoon Sunday service at our Parish Church (the one where my parents were married and I was christened), which caters for old fogies like me. I discovered the daughter of an old friend is now the Curate! That was a surprise. It is a short, traditional service followed by refreshments and an opportunity to chat. I used to go to that Church regularly when I lived in the same road but now live across town. I can get there by mobility scooter while the weather is reasonable. The nearest bus stop is some distance away and there are a couple of steep hills to struggle up (even the scooter struggles with one!).

I was referred by my Doctor to a 6 week, NHS sponsored (free) exercise class to help with my COPD, two mornings a week, in a neighbouring town. I quite enjoyed it while it lasted. I am now on the list for the (pay for) follow up class in a different neighbouring town, which will be one morning a week, It is the only one I can get to by bus.

When I was at the first venue, I mentioned my Social Isolation problems to one of the organisers who said she was sure she could find a solution. She couldn't find anything and said that we live in a "black hole".

While travelling to and from the exercise classes I was recognised and spoken to by two ladies, one the mother of an old friend of my elder daughter and the other the lady who was in the adjacent Maternity bed when my younger daughter was born 43 years ago! I also had an interesting chat with the homeless man who was camped outside the exercise venue. An old soldier, down on his luck. I bought him lunch before I returned home.

Since I put this post up in July, I have attended the local old-people's-home garden fete on August Bank Holiday Monday. About 3 weeks ago my younger daughter and her family called in for an hour en route from a holiday in Devon.
This Friday my elder daughter drove down from Andover to take us to the "local" (nearby town) theatre to see Omid Djalili and came down again on Saturday to take us to the same nearby town for the Firework display, which was very good.

She can't get down here now for another three weeks, unless she can combine it with a business trip. She normally tries to visit every week or so.

I have no other plans. I will be here on my own for Christmas, but will hopefully get a short visit from my younger daughter with my Grandson between Christmas and New Year. The next local "Event" will be the annual Donkey Derby at the end of May.

It is a shame I don't speak Nepalese or there would be other places I could go. They are a friendly lot, Hom who lives a few doors away popped in for a cuppa one day and speaks reasonable English, but the language barrier is a major problem. I spent an interesting bus journey to one exercise class teaching an eager, elderly, Nepalese lady to count in English. The classes they used to get were discontinued because of financial restrictions. I used to help out at an adult Literacy class until it too was cancelled.

The unusually mild weather has enabled me to carry on with my gardening for longer than usual, but that won't last much longer. I am eying up the jigsaws I have put by and the Cryptic Crosswords I have cut out of the Metro newspaper - which is sometimes available on the bus.
My old friend up the road is still turning her back and I have avoided my next door neighbour since she thought that her son putting his boot into my daughter's car door when drunk (as was she) was "fine".

My email "chat" has increased a little. I got a rare email from an old boyfriend (who emigrated to Canada over 50 years ago) and I told him about the lack of intelligent conversation opportunities. He has a similar problem and we are now exchanging more regular emails, setting the world to rights.

How is everything going Aely, since you posted your question. Have you tried any new ventures that were suggested? If so, hows it all going?

I might pop along on one of the tours and make sure the leader isn't talking rubbish.

Why not volunteer with the heritage people if there are opportunities you sound as if you have plenty of knowledge

I've been having a "screen time break" for a few days, but as you can see, I'm back online now. Thanks again for your posts. Anybody want to be wowed by my knowledge of Tungsten and the Vulcan bomber? I didn't make it to the Church coffee morning. I was at the hospital getting an X-ray having seen a Doctor about my mobility problems the day before, so I didn't see the elderly gent I had chatted to previously.

It seems that, when I had a previous X-ray back in 2017 and was told there was "nothing wrong" with my hips, the surgery Doctor must have missed the consultant's report about the moderate to advanced Arthritis in the right hip. The new Doctor was shocked and wants an update. He also doesn't rule out the possibility of tendon damage and thinks my hips are partially dislocating when I "sit wrong" or hit a bad bit of pavement. I have to say, the X-ray service, which is now "walk-in" once the Doctor has notified them via computer, was excellent. A two minute wait. I'll give it another couple of days and try my luck with getting the follow-up with the Doc.

I managed a visit to another Gransnet member earlier in the week who lives a train ride from me, which was lovely. I surprised myself by walking to the station when the bus failed to arrive. It was worth the sore feet I had by the end of the day and pleased to say the hip behaved itself.

My neighbour is behaving herself as is the grandson, who is going to arrange a roof check for me with the company he works for. I may have a broken tile (or the piece might have come from my gutter-clearer's pocket in an attempt at a scam. There is a warning online for our area). Won't hurt to eye-ball my 50 year old roof.
The neighbour has started to criticise my old friend. I do hope she isn't going to turn on an 87 year old now. If she does, I will support my old friend, if she will allow it and doesn't decide to blame me.

Re the Vulcan: If any of you are curious, I was fascinated by the Vulcan when I first saw a silver V flying when I was about 4 years old, back when we were both pretty new to this world. About 50 years ago I was honoured to be given a VIP visit to a hanger at Rolls Royce to say Goodbye to one of the last Mk. 1 aircraft which had been used as a Flying Test Bed for the Tornado aircraft. I had been tasked with scrounging parts to keep it flying until it was no longer needed.

The Tungsten (a.k.a. Wolfram), W in the Periodic table, was just something I had handled in the raw in the earlier, Scientific part of my work life.

As for activities around here, there is some "Family Entertainment" for the kids in August, the annual Old Peoples' home garden fete August Bank Holiday Monday (weather permitting), a Heritage Festival to enlighten the locals about the towns' history in September and a Frost Fair one Saturday in November.

I think you sound great and honest. For me it is my dog. I cannot imagine how I’d be without her, she is my third since I’ve lived alone. Such fun such love such exercise, such structure to my life. The two walks a day. Dog people are usually so nice and we always at least share smiles if not treats.
I do run my own business, love family history , see daughter every day for dog walk but it’s my dog Ivy who is the key element to my happiness.

Re reading OP’s posts I do wonder whether she is being ironic
Somebody who writes so entertainingly cannot possibly just be negative.

Although it reminds me of when I was a student in Switzerland and dreadfully homesick. I wrote a long letter to my parents pouring my heart out and got a reply thanking me for my entertaining, amusing, even hilarious version of life in Switzerland.
I’ll never know if they missed the point altogether or were cunningly psychologically inspired as by the time I got it I had cheered up and put my moans behind me.

Haha yes where is this town? my town was once called boring in one of those lists they bring out now and then, but compared to Aely s it sounds positively manic and full of life

But you have to meet it half way you can sit at home thinking how boring it is or you can go our into this boring place and actually speak to someone or appreciate the nature or the architecture or the history . Ask someone a question chat at the bus stop or even have a moan but get into conversation there’s some really interesting people, out there why not be one of them
Come back Aely and have a go at me tell me I m wrong and I m judging you and not being kind
Negativity drives me mad and it makes me want to avoid the person who always has something minus to say
Don’t be that person
Get a note book and every day wrote something positive about your life
You have a boyfriend one up on me 🤣🤣🤣

BlueBelle, Aely is a born writer. I know we shouldn’t be talking about her as though she isn’t in the room, but she writes so vividly I can picture the scenes she describes perfectly. And there is a great sense of humour lurking in there as well. Aely, your potential is so great, if only there was something we could do to unleash it (and I have to say, I’m becoming more and more curious as to where exactly this “most boring town is”!)

Aely please, please don’t take this the wrong way as I want you to see it from others eyes, and maybe you can start to make some adjustments to yourself, and your thought patterns
I have just read over your long, well written post and everything you say is negative, everything that is wrong everything you can’t do , nowhere does it say I ll try this or I ll look into that Even when you do once say you ‘could perhaps’ try something you immediately negate it by saying but I couldn’t do it in the winter, it’s really really depressing reading.

You will only get out of this black hole by changing the way you look at life
Look at what you can do …you can get to your allotment and obviously enjoy that, but even that is negated by the story of the council and the tree cutting, get out in the sun, feel the warmth on your body, look at the little butterflies and insects feel the soil, chat to someone on the way, even that’s put down, as you don’t like chat you like meaningful conversations but big oak trees from little acorns grow and all that, you have to get into the chat first formthem to grow into meaningful conversations
You come across as a glass half empty person and not a joy to be around and only you can change that

Many many on here have had horrible sad and bad happenings but we need to pull up our big girl knickers and face the sunshine
Good luck in all you do but please, please work on yourself and your attitude as soon as you can you are wasting what’s left of your life

If I sense boredom setting in I get out, try some thing new. Nothing comes to you. Of course if you have mobility or health issues that is challenging. I do down monents but I don't let them take hold, I've a lit of life to live and I am older than you.

Back to the lack of entertainment here.
Earlier I mentioned a chat I had with two local ladies I know. One of them actually mentioned that this was not a good place to live these days, its only benefit being that it was not yet as bad as the neighbouring town, which comes under the same local Council. She spoke of the lack of facilities and things to do, amongst other problems. The other concurred. One is younger than I am, the other a little older.

My neighbour's Grandson, in the days when he would visit for a chat, asked me if I knew of anything for someone his age to do other than hang around on street corners. That is how he came to help me with the allotment. He was that bored!

Can someone please give me a slap on the wrist when my brain says "there" and my hands type "their". I noticed I keep doing it.

I saw a poster a couple of years ago about conquering isolation with the help of Age Uk, so I popped into our local branch and asked about it. They were as ignorant as I was, more so in fact as they hadn't seen the poster!

I missed the Church coffee morning today as the weather chose to give us its first half decent shower of rain in a couple of months. It pourd down for about 10 minutes, rained for about 20 in total, followed about 30 minutues later by another, shorter shower. When I did eventually get out, I went on the scooter to pick up my COPD meds and en route popped into the allotments. Looks like it only caught the very edge of the showers. Dry as dust with a slight dampness on the leaves. I did pick up a courgette, hopefully not the only one this year. I got a chat on the way home, when I spotted the mother of a friend of one of my daughters and another lady, who I swap plants with.

My daughter (the one mentioned above) is coming to visit after work tomorrow. Gluten free breaded cod and a box of chilled Frites have been purchased to go with some English (but unfortunately not home grown) green beans so I can safely feed her. She is a full-blown Coeliac sufferer.

Yesterday, I was coming down the road with my shopping, plus flowers and a card I was dropping off at the house of my unfortunate friend, when I was passed by the young-adult Grandson of our unpleasant neighbour. He shouted out " Stop talking s--t to my Nan" followed by "You're a freak". I ignored him. He has in the past visited me for coffee, a chat, advice on catching up with a missed education and on some occasions, to just get away from his Nan. He has voluntarily helped me down the allotment. He is a lad with potential, given half a chance, not stupid but, unfortunately, "the enemy of his Nan is his enemy". Understandable, if misplaced, family loyalty.

if you like books why not set up a reading group? if you do not have a library try the U3A for support in setting up one
ask online AgeUK they have online buddies who ring once a week for a chat; if you do not want to have a call why not volunteer to do it instead? Something you can do from home ideal in winter

Grammaretto

The cliques!
Our arts club was often accused of being cliquey. It's hard to notice it when you are part of it.

I asked a woman from my yarn group, who I hardly knew as she'd recently joined, to view a house for sale with me. Later her friend seemed put out that she hadn't been invited. I had broken some social code which I try to ignore.

It's exhausting navigating your way round this stuff. When I was a child my mother would plonk me on a beach and I'd make friends in 5 minutes.

Now I have to deal with the handbag on the chair, the standing in a circle admiring photos, the going for post class coffee with the clique.

The cliques!
Our arts club was often accused of being cliquey. It's hard to notice it when you are part of it.

I asked a woman from my yarn group, who I hardly knew as she'd recently joined, to view a house for sale with me. Later her friend seemed put out that she hadn't been invited. I had broken some social code which I try to ignore.

Aely

Lafergar, your experience of a Church coffee morning is, it seems, par for the course. It is one of the reasons why I stopped going to ours. I tried taking a friend with me but we just ended up talking to each other. (She is no longer my friend, it seems, having been lied to by my neighbour). As I have left it a couple of years there has been a turnover of participants, so I will give it a go.

Cliques are a problem. The old time dancing in the next town was the same. I wasn't looking to dance myself, but struggled to even find a table where I was permitted to sit and drink my tea - and the person who let me "in" was roundly told off for allowing me to use the seat normally occupied by an absent friend. I didn't go back.

Loopy, I did think about asking George (or Sooty or probably half a dozen other names), our "Community Cat", if he would be prepared to play dead for me, but he seems to be lying low, probably because of the heat but possibly because he has heard the Cat's Protection people are coming soon to remove his family jewels and give him his injections. He got left behind, with 3 others when a lady up the road died. Her son took the only cat she had admitted to having. One has since died (at the vets) and two others were taken for treatment and possible rehoming. George is being fed by at least two of us but declines to become part of a household. Pure cupboard love. He is related to my much missed Pepper, perhaps even a half brother from a later litter.

Is this post about cliques, a wake-up call to all of us who belong to groups to be welcoming to new ones who want to join us?

And what might any of those millions do Kadinsky (if correctly identified) with that nugget?
My condolences Aely what a horrible shock, I hope you can manage getting away

If you can identify them from what I have written, Kadinsky, PM me!

In the highly unlikely event that the unfortunate family is in any way identifiable in spite of my deliberate vagueness, I ask that you keep it to yourselves and respect their grief and privacy. I am sure you will

Hmmm…..but you’ve just posted this on social media which can literally be read by millions of people.

Of course.
Dear Aely. I am so very sorry to hear about the sad news you had.
Naturally you will be feeling low.
And if you can manage to visit and stay with your daughter I think that would be a good thing.
Wishing you all the very best.

Younger daughter and I were discussing the possibility of me visiting just this morning. She agrees that the train journey is not easy. To London, to Tonbridge to nearest local station seems to be the route. If I can get my leg problems sorted a bit, I might try it. Luckily, she does have a spare bedroom. She rang me because she knew I had received some bad news and was upset.

I am not a happy bunny today.

I am very close to the family of four who live on the other side of my previously mentioned "nightmare neighbour", i.e. she is our mutual neighbour. I have known this family for many years, since the youngest child was a bump. The husband had even been my lodger for a while, a long time back, when their was a family problem.
I had some bad news last night, delivered by my nightmare neighbour, who I would swear had a smirk on her face. She even stated she was not sorry about the news she was giving me.

The husband had been missing for several days, which I was aware of.
A body was found yesterday, following a search of the local area.

The husband had suffered much greater and continuing harassment from her than I did, at a very vulnerable point in his life. She harasses me because I defended him against her.

In the highly unlikely event that the unfortunate family is in any way identifiable in spite of my deliberate vagueness, I ask that you keep it to yourselves and respect their grief and privacy. I am sure you will.

I just have to say, if it were all so easy then the OP would have done it! It all so sounds easy but is not in real life, I've been there.

Start every day by counting your blessings: for instance, you have two daughters, in the UK, and grandchildren. Isn’t that wonderful in itself?
Then a few suggestions:
Can you get to a railway station and onwards to see the daughter with ‘a young child’? Young children are immediate mood-lifters. The rail system is quite good at mobility assistance these days.
Stay in a Premier Inn near either daughter.
Join a book group, one that takes you out of your comfort zone so you discover new reading — and might make friends.
What are these authors you read constantly? Are there any online societies for fellow devotees?
Sometimes joining things online can lead to offers of lifts to face2face events etc.
Count those blessings and people will rally round your cheerfulness.

@Aely, where do you live? Monkey world suggests Dorset or Hampshire? I live in Southampton and have joined a group on an app called 'meetups:' there are loads of groups for different interests
. I joined U3A but it didn't do much on my area and the meeting place took over an hour to get to do I didn't bother.
With meet up I have found two groups. One that meets for coffee and chat on town twice a week, and I go two a pub night twice a month. I've met some lovely people and enjoy the company. Maybe look into it?