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Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

(181 Posts)
Aely Sun 06-Jul-25 23:03:19

I suffer from social isolation and boredom. I am 77 and have been effectively retired for over 20 years since back problems put an end to my "return to work" after raising 2 children, mostly on my own.
I no longer drive. I have taken the family history as far back as I can. I am ok in the summer gardening months but the drought here is putting an early end to my allotment and garden activity, such as it is with deteriorating mobility. I find myself sitting here watching endless TV with less and less new stuff I am interested in. I limit my reading to bed time or I run out of worth-reading books.
The few old friends I had are no longer around, dead or moved away. My nearest daughter makes an 80 mile round trip and visits for a few hours, every week or two, if she can. The other lives too far away and has a young child. I see her about 3 times a year. I have a sister in Canada and a brother in France.

Every year I look on the Internet for places to go where I might meet people, make new friends. There is nothing. The Leisure Centre is a pile of rubble, as is the Community Centre where clubs and societies used to meet. The U3A has one course at a venue (in a neighbouring town) that I am able to get to and in which I have any interest.

All I have to look forward to is a possible trip with daughter to Monkey World next week, weather permitting (postponed from last year and the year before) and the annual Old People's home Garden fete at the end of August. Then it is back to books, TV and jigsaws until the Spring.

What is an elderly widow supposed to do with her remaining years?

Crossstitchfan Sun 06-Jul-25 23:27:24

Aely, I am almost the same age as you, and a widow too. Unlike you though, I am never bored and often find I run out of day before I have done everything I planned.
I do spend a fair bit of time on my iPad, I enjoy researching things that interest me. I don’t play games as such, but there is a jigsaw section on there and I do those sometimes. I get visits from family too, not every day, but frequently because they live within 10 miles of me.
My main, and much loved, hobby was cross stitch.. I did that every day for many years, and my family used to say I was addicted, and never without a project on the go. When my husband was very ill just before he died, I sat with him all day and stitched constantly. It got me through the hell of knowing how ill he was. The strange thing is, he died five years ago and I haven’t touched my cross stitch since that day.
I do feel that maybe I could stitch again but I don’t know whether my eyes would be up to the task now.
I did see an article in a magazine recently about a firm that helps you write your life story and that is something I am considering, but feel it might be boring. That said, I told my granddaughter about something that happened in my past the other day and she was fascinated, so I might consider that.
So you see, there is plenty to do. You just need to find something that suits you. Good luck.

BlueBelle Mon 07-Jul-25 06:13:34

Good morning Aely I m older than you by about three years but I think I have a more positive attitude to what’s left of my life I too have an allotment it’s a 15 minute walk away but I go about three times a week at least and spend 2/3 hours there (about my limit now) and I love it I have now got a lot of vegies to eat and give away
I work voluntarily 3 days a week it amounts to about 20 hours a week I love it I get to feel useful and needed, I talk to a lot of people, and have a good laugh with my work mates.
I live near the beach so I go for walks and sea swim mostly on my own but I always find someone to have a chat with, even if you don’t live near a beach or countryside there will be parks to walk to and in and then you start conversations with people you meet or sit near. Our town has gone downhill a lot so if I go I try and meet a friend for coffee or a lunch to make that more interesting I ve tried various groups but they are hit and miss
I too have done my family history years ago and can’t go any further
I have no family left apart from my children and grandchild and out of 10 only one lives nearby and she works heavy hours so I don’t rely on anyone for entertainment although my daughter would do anything for me if I needed it (I ve lived alone for 30 years now and that’s absolutely fine)
I do sometimes find evenings a bit boring and rely on TV and my iPad I. often nod off, but I bet we all do …eyes and concentration don’t allow much reading I do love jigsaws and always have one on the go

I feel you come across as rather sad and negative maybe depressed look for some help for that and I think voluntary work whatever you choose is a total WINNER
You reap what you sow

karmalady Mon 07-Jul-25 06:30:20

Aely, I am your age and a widow, no family near me but the difference is that I am content with my own company. I am never bored. I too got myself an allotment and always have somewhere to go, always have something to do and rarely sit down

I have a positive mindset and it makes all the difference, try to come out of your self-centred world. We all get old, embrace it, we are in the twilight years, having had the best years.

I don`t get bored, nor lonely for company, I sew a lot but I don`t just cobble clothes together. I maintain my home myself, do all the cleaning and gardening. I also go cycling, only an hour but a few times a week. My town is tiny and does have a lot going on, for those that need it, I chat to everyone I meet, if they want to chat. I always smile and get a smile back when I say a cheery good morning on my about-town walks

Negativity is off-putting to people and so are energy-drainers, try to be an energy-giver

Chardy Mon 07-Jul-25 06:48:12

Oh Aely, you have my sympathy. I'm sure there are others in your town who feel tge same. Can you start something yourself? A coffee morning in a local cafe for the over-70s? Or a group for those who want to start their family history. Your expertise and leadership would be invaluable. But where could you meet? Or starting a craft group for beginners in a local shop or even a pub?

nadateturbe Mon 07-Jul-25 07:04:08

Oh Aely I do sympathise. You don't sound negative too me. You sound like someone who is depressed from lack of company. I know how you feel. I think Chardy has made a good suggestion. As has Bluebelle about volunteering.
I'm wondering too, do you have a dog. They're great company and help you to have chats with others when you'out walking.

Astitchintime Mon 07-Jul-25 07:10:30

“The U3A has one course at a venue (in a neighbouring town) that I am able to get to and in which I have any interest”…………

Did you not know that your U3A will support you in setting up a new group? This would give you, as Group Leader, flexibility on when to hold the group. Have you also considered looking at their range of Groups and Activities?………you might find something else that inspires you.

Alternatively, why not campaign around your locality and set up a social group yourself, you can’t be the only one with time on their hands surely??

keepingquiet Mon 07-Jul-25 07:23:19

I have siblings overseas too- it's a great way to see family and have a holiday!

Why not go see them? France isn't far. Or you could arrange a meet-up somewhere in between? Or you could invite them to come and see you.

I'm sure they would love to spend time with you too, why not give that a go?

I find having a future 'treat' to focus on is important, we all need something to look forward to.

Start making plans- you'll be amazed what a lift it will give you.

luluaugust Mon 07-Jul-25 07:24:09

Have you considered moving nearer to family?
You say you go to a U3A group do you chat to the people there and maybe meet up at other times. Our U3A does have a jigsaw and board games group which I understand is well attended.

kittylester Mon 07-Jul-25 07:34:59

I will get back on my hobby horse and suggest volunteering. Or set up a social group yourself

BlueBelle Mon 07-Jul-25 07:43:34

If you read back over your post it is totally negative everything is wrong or bad, nothing, not one positive sentence. I think the first thing to do is connect with your GP as you sound depressed to me
77 is still young (ish) you can be an old 77 or a young 77 There has been lots of good ideas on here for you but do you know what I bet you don’t do any of them because it’s easier to not (I know that I ve often had to make myself do things)

Have you got a friend ring them up now and suggest a walk or a coffee and a chat if you haven’t got a friend, make a new one go out for a walk and get chatting to anyone who you think will listen, on a bench, at a bus stop, in a shop. There’s some lovely amazing people out there My best friend went on a coach trip alone some years back sat next to a lady, started chatting and for years now she’s been her (‘second’ 😂) best friend
It requires effort though it’s much much easier to sit and do nothing it takes effort and guts to move on but you ll be so much happier

And don’t forget that voluntary work best thing since sliced bread

BlueBelle Mon 07-Jul-25 07:45:20

Kittylester my hobbyhorse too people totally underestimate what you get out of putting in

Caleo Mon 07-Jul-25 07:54:44

You know from your own experience that your town needs a social group .As others have said start one. Advertise in the local free paper, ask the editor of it to write. a piece on the group you are starting up. Get an early applicant to help by finding a venue such as the library, or a cafe with a spare room.

Email the nearest U3A and offer to group -lead a social group ,for instance knit and chat , in your own town. My daughter in law goes to a knit and chat group and she likes it a lot.

Grammaretto Mon 07-Jul-25 08:14:17

I was going to suggest starting your own U3A group too, as astitchintime suggested.
It's quite easy to do.
My DM started 3 groups back in the day including a poetry reading group and portrait painting.
I am seldom bored with something every day.
I volunteer a couple of mornings. My yarn group is great for a gossip. We started it a few years ago just 3 of us and there are now about 20.

I go to 2 exercise classes and have joined the gym I may use it if there's time 🤣

I'm your age Aely and also live by myself. Please don't be bored.

I think you should address your back pain. The doctor would be my first port of call.

BoadiceaJones Mon 07-Jul-25 08:15:03

This is the best time of your life, truly! No deadlines, no pressure, you can play the "old lady card" which always gives you an "out". U3A has been a marvellous interest for me. I run a few courses, which are great brain P.T., and attend others, which are a blast. I decided to write a book, very tentatively, and now I'm on number 5! I spend 2 hours a day king in my garden, getting fresh air and exercise, cuddle my cats, read a lot, have coffee with my U3A pals, make jam and marmalade. I love being

J52 Mon 07-Jul-25 09:01:31

Good suggestions from others above, particularly volunteering and starting your own U3A group. Meeting in a cafe is a good idea, you could ask the cafe owner if there’s a quiet time, I’m sure they’d be pleased with the extra customers.
I’d also think of the suggestion to travel a bit further afield, you could use your bus pass to visit different places nearby, have a coffee or lunch, a look round and come home again. Something that can be done anytime of the year. Something that might be a step too far at the moment, might be to look at coach day trips to places of interest. They run all year and go to historic houses, botanical gardens, Christmas fairs etc.
Getting out and about to socialise is so important and you never know who you might strike a friendship with.

Chardy Mon 07-Jul-25 09:01:37

nadateturbe

Oh Aely I do sympathise. You don't sound negative too me. You sound like someone who is depressed from lack of company. I know how you feel. I think Chardy has made a good suggestion. As has Bluebelle about volunteering.
I'm wondering too, do you have a dog. They're great company and help you to have chats with others when you'out walking.

Ha ha. Having walked the dog since I posted earlier, I couldn't work out why I hadn't mentioned her. This morning I chatted to someone I see regularly and to someone I'd never before. Having a dog and a fitbit revolutionised my retirement

fancythat Mon 07-Jul-25 09:12:04

Some good suggestions above.

To be fair to the OP, she has looked into a lot of things, and taken a lot of thought over things, already.

I always wondered whether I would use taxis if I was in your position.
I worked out once, that the price of running a car was equivalent to using a taxi once a week on medium journeys.

Patsy70 Mon 07-Jul-25 09:13:14

There is a wealth of advice here Aely, which you would be wise to take. Failing that, a visit to your GP maybe, as you could be suffering from depression.

Maremia Mon 07-Jul-25 09:16:37

You are fond of reading, so could you join or start a Book Group. How far away is your Library? Sometimes the Librarians will order a set of books for you to get you started.
There are online Book Groups, for anyone on Facebook. A month is a reasonable time to set for reading and thinking about the set novel, or non fiction.
Good luck.

petra Mon 07-Jul-25 09:20:17

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Lathyrus3 Mon 07-Jul-25 09:20:32

Can I suggest you try a U3a Course that you are not interested in🙂

I went to a Crafts day where we could spend an hour trying different things. I got there a bit late and all the things I wanted to do were full so I went to the only one that had spaces - woodwork 🙄🙁

It was so good,! They had to prize me away.

Sometimes we get stuck in a rut of what we like or don’t like. since then I’ve made a point of trying new stuff. The worst that can happen is that you’re bored!!

(Or humiliated. I don’t want to talk about the drumming sssion😬🤣😱)

Jaxjacky Mon 07-Jul-25 09:28:32

There are voluntary groups you can support from home, befriending people Silverline need volunteers. Similarly Butterflies bereavement support look for volunteers.
There may be something more local to you.

Maremia Mon 07-Jul-25 09:28:58

Now you have drummed up our curiosity! grin

letmein Mon 07-Jul-25 09:51:22

Aely I sympathise. Totally. People are so sure of themselves and quick to judge. If you could find something I'm sure you would! I just hope things change for you pet - in life things generally do change, they just sometimes take a while to get there. Sending you love xxx