Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

Cliques are a problem.
Definitely. The favoured few in the Inner Circle.

lafergar

I feel there is a book in there somewhere Aely.

Another funny thing that happened to me was I sat next to a lady in a group. When I got up to stretch my legs, she had put a bag on the chair!

I'm getting to the stage now where I just have a little inward chuckle.

Oh yes, it's the "I'm saving that seat for my friend" syndrome. I've encountered that.
Like seven year olds on the school bus!

I feel there is a book in there somewhere Aely.

Another funny thing that happened to me was I sat next to a lady in a group. When I got up to stretch my legs, she had put a bag on the chair!

I'm getting to the stage now where I just have a little inward chuckle.

Lafergar, your experience of a Church coffee morning is, it seems, par for the course. It is one of the reasons why I stopped going to ours. I tried taking a friend with me but we just ended up talking to each other. (She is no longer my friend, it seems, having been lied to by my neighbour). As I have left it a couple of years there has been a turnover of participants, so I will give it a go.

Cliques are a problem. The old time dancing in the next town was the same. I wasn't looking to dance myself, but struggled to even find a table where I was permitted to sit and drink my tea - and the person who let me "in" was roundly told off for allowing me to use the seat normally occupied by an absent friend. I didn't go back.

Loopy, I did think about asking George (or Sooty or probably half a dozen other names), our "Community Cat", if he would be prepared to play dead for me, but he seems to be lying low, probably because of the heat but possibly because he has heard the Cat's Protection people are coming soon to remove his family jewels and give him his injections. He got left behind, with 3 others when a lady up the road died. Her son took the only cat she had admitted to having. One has since died (at the vets) and two others were taken for treatment and possible rehoming. George is being fed by at least two of us but declines to become part of a household. Pure cupboard love. He is related to my much missed Pepper, perhaps even a half brother from a later litter.

From your first post I knew the town where you lived OP.
Or at least one of 2 adjoining towns. F A. And I'm not swearing. Am I right?
I can see the area has changed a lot and probably not for the better esp for long established residents.
So much the more so for those with limited mobility and energy.
Re the churches. How about going to an event at each one as if you are an undercover reporter.
You write very well. Most vivid.
And if you go to the same coffee morning next week you can wow that gentleman with your insight on tungsten and vulcan bombers

Hmm.
Might I suggest you write a list of the positive things in your life.
Or think of 3 things.
What do you enjoy?
Are your ears pieced? A new pair of earrings?
One good thing is all the charity shops locally. You might find something new to wear....

Yes it is

Does anybody know, is a Police check still required for volunteers helping in schools?
Yes, usually they will require a DBS check.

I used to volunteer before such checks were necessary. It was very enjoyable and surprising to find out the different reading levels of Y6 pupils.

Missed you out Dr Watson. I did read your post. Sadly, I don't live anywhere near Monkey World. I wish I did. I have to get the train for 40 miles to where my daughter lives and she then drives us the remaining 50 miles.

My spare room is tiny. In the winter one must exit the bed carefully or risk burning one's bum on the radiator. I know. It was my bedroom while my children were there. They had the double because with 2 beds there was no room for anything else in the smaller room. It is O.K. for a short-term visitor but not suitable for renting.

Does anybody know, is a Police check still required for volunteers helping in schools?

I'll mention, just in passing, that my hair is straight, strong willed, totally refuses to take a curl and is naturally darker than it was when I was a teenager,

My hair is darker now and refuses to stay straight, has to be tamed every day.
We're never happy with our hair, are we.

Our local church seems to have been taken over by social groups, wonderful for those who want to participate!

As for the WI, I don't think they're all Jam and Jerusalem now but it does sound rather a trek for you.

grammargran

Aely have you found it cathartic writing so fully about how you feel & about your past and present life? I've found reading your posts fascinating & hope it's helping you see things a little more clearly about what direction you want be going now.

It does help me sort out my thoughts, I have to admit.

To GrannyBeek, I checked out the Meets. Looks like I live at the wrong end of my County.

FranP: We have a lot of charity shops (and mobile phone shops and a Tattoo Parlour) but I can't stay on my feet - or sit down for long. I have a bus pass but the buses are spasmodic and only one leaves town, going one town to the South and one to the North of us. I travel better by train as I can get up and walk around to stop things seizing up. As I can't rely on a bus to get me to the shops a mile or so away within a reasonable time, I am not keen on trying multiple buses to get a few miles further. I used to use National Coaches to go far and wide but the nearest pick up point is now 13 miles away. Not very convenient!

Loopyloo: (Reminds me of Andy Pandy - or Endy Pendy, as it was pronounced in BBC English). I have long hair. It gets trimmed back a couple of times a year but I like it in a pony tail or bunches in the summer, apart from the time when I went virtually skinhead, just for a change. It is rebellion against my mother having my plaits removed when I went to grammar school and forcing a pudding bowl cut on me, I think - but I know what you mean.

I'll mention, just in passing, that my hair is straight, strong willed, totally refuses to take a curl and is naturally darker than it was when I was a teenager, apart from a Morticia white streak. I was also not blessed with a decent upper lip and it looks strange with lippy only on the more generous lower lip, so I don't bother.
I don't have eyelashes to speak of so can't tart those up either. Thankfully my (necessary) glasses do wonders in disguising my Panda eyes.
Why is one side of my face so much more wrinkled than the other? My forehead is smooth; perhaps I should have grown my protective fringe longer, down to my chin.
Where did my teeth go? Ah, in the orange teeth container... Never mind.

And why do people think I am weird??

Sorry, I digress.

Well done Aely! On eof my numerous attempt to "meet people" was at a Church coffee morning. The poster promised the opportunity to make new friends and enjoy the usual goodies.
There was on long table full of an established group and a few smaller tables scattered about. I realised instantly I had made a horrible mistake.
Tried to engage with Jean who was serving from behind the hatch, nothing doing. A lady did briefly join me to tell me in detail about an upcoming medical appointment.
I clutched my jar of homemade jam and sprinted to my car.

Thanks to those who PM'd me. Sorry, it took a while to find the messages.
The practice nurse at my GP surgery has arranged for me to be put me on the list for the Pulmonary exercise class to see if it improves my COPD enough to not need meds. It is in the next town, but easily accessible by bus. I have been warned it is a long wait, maybe September, and lasts 6 weeks, twice a week. I am quite looking forward to it, even if it doesn't help my COPD! I exercise better in company.

I did check out the current location of the local WI group (which was in the now demolished Community Centre when I went a few years ago). It isn't on our bus route and is nearly 3 miles walk away. That would be pushing it on my "shopping mall" mobility scooter. Nearly an hour at top speed if there were no roads to cross and good pavements. There is a bus stop within sensible walking distance of the venue but I have yet to find how I could "connect". I tried the WI years ago when I was in my 60s. My mother's old friends there commented it was nice for a "young person" to be interested. It was ... O.K. I might fit in better now, if I could get there. I can make a good Gooseberry jam!

This morning I woke too early and decided to go to my allotment to water before breakfast. A quick change once back home and to the little local church for the Senior's weekly coffee morning. I have been before but not for some time, although I have "popped my head in" a few times when passing (usually towards the end and filthy from the allotment) and was hoping a couple of people I know might be there. They weren't, but I was chatting with an elderly gentleman who was there with his wife and had worked in the same establishment I did many years ago, though at a different time and in a different department. I realised after a while that he was probably in the early stages of dementia but it was still interesting. We talked about the properties and use of Tungsten, the role of Vulcan bombers in the Falklands War and other things, with his wife keeping an eye out, I think to check if I needed rescuing (which I didn't). I am pretty certain that if we meet again I will be new to him. I will try and be awake and compos mentis next Thursday morning and maybe remember what day it is and go again.

I’m wondering if there is a Gransnet meetup in your area? Go to Forums in the menu, click on “Meetups/where are you?” And search for your town or somewhere nearby. If nothing comes up, you could start one.

It is hard to get started, and poor health does not help:
1. Where do people meet if you do not have a centre?
2. How about looking at your local churches - our Methodist one runs coffee mornings, our "Christian" one runs coffee and cake, beautifully made by a couple of the ladies. Non-members welcome
3. Go into your local library - they often do activities and have details
4. Use your bus pass and go anywhere just to look around. It will cost but look at national bus excursions. My aunt met her husband on one of those.
4. Look here to see if there is anything for you www.ncvo.org.uk/get-involved/volunteering/volunteering-opportunities/ If you have, like most towns, a charity shop, they would welcome volunteers for an hour a week
5. Speak to your doctor/ look at your council website about elder exercise classes - have joined one, not too taxing and have now 8 new friends
6. Most towns have either a volunteer transport group or a community bus
7.If you think you are up to a couple of hours a week, you could perhaps listen to little one read at your local primary school www.schoolreaders.org/volunteer

MayBee70

Ally. I keep thinking about what you said about your neighbour. I’m lucky in that all of my neighbours are great but there has been the odd occasion when there has been a bit of friction and that really got me down. Your neighbour sounds horrible and it must affect how you feel. I can’t get out the way that I used to ( mobility problems) but I am quite happy having catchup tv, listening to podcasts ( I love podcasts; there are so many of them I hardly have the time to listen to them) chatting to people on Facebook ( although I’ve been locked out if my iPad account and am terrified that I’ll get locked out of my computer one, too). You are such an eloquent interesting person; I’m sure there must be people near to where you live that feel equally isolated that would love to make friends with you.

MayBee70,
You took the words right out of my mouth! I would certainly be happy to have a friend like Aely.
I hope she acts on some of the great advice on here. I’ll add to that….her life sounds interesting so perhaps she should write it all down. I see she has been reaching her family tree. A ‘memoir’ would an interesting companion to that. In years to come, her scattered family might love to hear what her life was like. I’ve enjoyed what she’s said so far, and I’m not related! Go Aely!!

Lots of good suggestions here, but I think you need to meet people Aely not spend time at home on online courses.
I live alone and make myself go out a lot, various groups, trips etc., then I really enjoy coming home.
I’ve let myself down today, not bothering and feel in a slump, so I know how you feel. Naturally active and positive people often don’t realise how hard it can be to motivate yourself when you live alone, health issues and prone to low spirits, but it must be done.
You say carrying cat litter and food would be a problem with a cat, but an online shop would solve that. My cat makes all the difference to my life, running out to greet me and helped me through Covid. They really are not much trouble.

I’ve had bad neighbour problems and that can be so wearying.
You may decide after all that moving would be the best idea.
Wishing you all the best.

nexus63

my mum and i are both widowed, my first time i was 39, no sympathy from her, second time 4 years ago, her only time 3 years ago, she was recently in hospital for 3 days with high blood pressure, according to her it was such a traumatic event, me over the last 7 years, i have had cancer twice and to get lymph nodes removed and have had sepsis twice, i am happy on my own, i don't need company, she on the other hand needs company and people to talk to, she is 75 and drives, has access to two comuntiy centres that has lunch clubs, bingo afternoon and evening, various craft classes, elderly dancing and elderly exercise classes, her excuse, she does not feel elderly, after 3 years of her on the phone every night i lost the plot and now we are not talking and she has accused me of not caring about her, i have various health problem and one of them is my mobility and trouble getting out and about. i am sad for people who do not have access to places but angry with her for constantly complaining. aely i wish you all the best in finding something to fill your time.

Nexus63 - from your description, your mother sounds somewhat narcissistic. I think for the sake of your own mental health, distancing - even if it’s not permanent - is a good idea. You are not responsible for her complete happiness.
I hope your health issues are resolving.

I think this is a big problem generally.
You are not alone Aely.
Make one small step, like make a flask of coffee and ride to the nearest park and sit and smile at people.
This morning, I took a dead cat (road accident) to local vets in my shopping trolley. Was surprised how many people had a little chat to me.
Another thing that helps is baking.
Grandmattie is very popular and busy and think her cakes help a lot.

But just do one step. Also treat yourself to ? a new lipstick? Hair cut?

letmein

Aely I sympathise. Totally. People are so sure of themselves and quick to judge. If you could find something I'm sure you would! I just hope things change for you pet - in life things generally do change, they just sometimes take a while to get there. Sending you love xxx

I agree x

Is there a local WI? Our ladies don't only come from the village, but also from the towns. We have interesting talks and meals out and day trips. We don't make jam or sing Jerusalem, but we have a crafts meet up and drink quite a bit if prosecco and elderflower fizz! Also we look after our ladies if they're unwell and make sure they have company. I have made some great friends there.
Is there anything like a retirement centre near you which offers courses? We also have this facility which offers many different courses and has a little cafe, also arranges day trips.
Might it be worth asking your parish council if someone could arrange a coffee and cake meet up? There may be other people in your situation. Or contact your local church who often run cafe meetups for older people and those on their own.

my mum and i are both widowed, my first time i was 39, no sympathy from her, second time 4 years ago, her only time 3 years ago, she was recently in hospital for 3 days with high blood pressure, according to her it was such a traumatic event, me over the last 7 years, i have had cancer twice and to get lymph nodes removed and have had sepsis twice, i am happy on my own, i don't need company, she on the other hand needs company and people to talk to, she is 75 and drives, has access to two comuntiy centres that has lunch clubs, bingo afternoon and evening, various craft classes, elderly dancing and elderly exercise classes, her excuse, she does not feel elderly, after 3 years of her on the phone every night i lost the plot and now we are not talking and she has accused me of not caring about her, i have various health problem and one of them is my mobility and trouble getting out and about. i am sad for people who do not have access to places but angry with her for constantly complaining. aely i wish you all the best in finding something to fill your time.

The U3A has one course at a venue (in a neighbouring town) that I am able to get to and in which I have any interest.

I'd suggest you start with this.

It might lead to other things: our U3A has a Friday lunch club once a month and a Sunday lunch club once a month, both in a pub in our town centre so easy for people to get to.

Our monthly meeting has an interesting speaker.

Once you get a foot in the door so to speak it might lead to other suggestions from the other members.

Best wishes xx

Most boring Town in Britain?

That’s the sort of comment a teenager would come out with.
Not being funny, but what does a 77 year old want? A high street that resembles Ibiza?
Lack of good company is the main reason people feel lonely & bored ( although some people are very content being alone ) so unless you’ve already got this ( & you obviously haven’t ) I’m not sure what you can do?

I'm 70 and am lucky to live in a place with lots going on. I love sewing and other crafts. I attend 3 different craft groups weekly and one group monthly. All are friendly and sometimes we chat more than we sew. I sing in a choir and in my church worship group. I attend 2 bible study groups, one in the daytime and one in an evening. I am a member of a 'simply walk' group which meets weekly and ends with a sociable coffee. Last week someone from the group organised a lunch at a local pub. Some members walked there but I drove as I was at my bible group in the morning.
I also volunteer twice a month with the local food bank and in term time with a charity making breakfast for school kids once a week.
One of the craft groups has a monthly 'Sunday lunch club' when we have a roast dinner at a local pub. I've only been once as it keeps clashing with other things!
My family live 200 miles away and I visit a few times each year.
Sometimes a day in with nothing planned is a relief, especially in this hot weather when I crash in front of the telly with my fan blowing on me!
Volunteering is a great way to meet people as volunteers are always friendly and community minded people. I find that I often have friends overlapping in all the things I attend. I sometimes feel as if I'm busier now than before I retired. How did I ever have time to go to work?!
We have a free community magazine produced 6 times a year and has articles from all the local clubs and societies. I deliver to my road - only 20 houses - but some people do bigger areas. We still have a local library and that is a place to find out about what is happening locally. Local groups often have a Facebook page so search there.
I know someone who goes to 'Men's sheds' where she has made wooden items. Yes they accept women too! Members with allotments often donate surplus fruit and veg to other local groups including the foodbank. I thought of joining 'Men's sheds' myself but realised I don't really have the time!
I realise it's difficult if you don't drive as bus services can be rubbish - they are here - but if you can get to a group then you may find someone can pick you up once you get to know them.
Good luck with your search!