Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

Have you thought of finding some pen pals?
There are many sites on the net and adverts in magazines such as “Yours” for pen pals
During a period of serious illness and not able to do the normal stuff I did, I really enjoyed writing to pen pals and looked forward to the postman arriving. Still write to them but some turned into email pals now.

lafergar

Trouble is social isolation and depression are hand in hand sometimes.
The conventional advice to " join things" is like pushing a boulder up a hill.

But Aely says Every year I look on the Internet for places to go where I might meet people, make new friends. There is nothing.
She then asked What is an elderly widow supposed to do with her remaining years?

So posters tried to help with suggestions.

Is the town really boring or is it that Aely is finding it a struggle to join in with social groups on her own? It's not easy to walk into a new group where you know no-one, I do realise that.

Should the question be re-framed?

I don't know if WhereverTown is the most boring town in Britain or not.

I was in our local big Tesco this lunchtime. They have a What's On board of local events. I expect our local library does too.

Trouble is social isolation and depression are hand in hand sometimes.
The conventional advice to " join things" is like pushing a boulder up a hill.

Could you contact or look or listen to local radio for ideas?
Ours is choc a bloc with them.
Though thinking about it the activities mentioned do cover a large area.

Ps your neighbour sounds like a nightmare, that's enough to depress anyone. If she continues, can you contact the police?

Your town sounds the kind of size which means it has lost its amenities but not small enough for people to set up friendly interest groups Aely.
Are you on the local Facebook page? Perhaps there might be posts advertising groups which might interest you? Is there a WI? I know that Towmswomen's Guilds are folding, more's the pity.

I too get bored. I’m a bit older and my physical strength and stamina have ebbed away. There’s no way I could do 2 hours of gardening or volunteer more than I already do. After walking the dog twice daily and walking everywhere else necessary I’m too tired. I spend many hours sitting, which I know is not good.
I’m healthy and not depressed but old age is pretty boring.

What about activities or groups at churches.
Even of you are not religious most of the mainstream denoms hire out their premises and welcome all.
Or look in the library if you still have one. There may be notices about local groups.
All the best.

You do make it sound pretty depressing Aely!

There must be others in your large town who feel the same way?
When our town reached rock bottom, about 20 years ago, a group of people including me, formed a group which became a Development Trust which has saved several historic buildings, bought an old stationery shop and started a museum, a community garden and a weekly cinema.

We also open the Town Hall each week for coffee, soup and exhibitions to make a welcoming stop for anyone arriving here and for anyone looking for a chat and company.

Shortly before he died, my DH took over an empty shop, bought it by selling community shares and it's now a thriving food shop, craft shop and popular café - where I volunteer.

So it's now a town to be proud of and connected to.

I do understand that you have been doubly bereaved. That's so hard. You could move nearer your DD if you think her town would be more attractive or you could stay where you are and stick it out - dreadful neighbour permitting.

I think my advice would be to look to move. It would be an adventure if nothing else and certainly not boring.
Wishing you good luck. 👍

I have suffered badly from depression in the past and don't wish to go there again, which is why I search for distractions. I loved my cat, Pepper, who died during Covid at the tender age of around 8 years. My previous cat, Pickle, died at 22 years a year or so after Pepper moved himself in (with her permission). I did foster a cat for a while, his carer being in hospital, but decided not to get another as it is a problem for me getting heavy cat food and litter home. This end of terrace 1974 ex council house, 2 up 1 down is too small for anything larger than a chihuahau and I have joint problems, and COPD. I now use a mobility scooter to get to my allotment so I can work when I get there - and get back again. I have had an allotment since I was in my teens.

I have lived here all my life. It was great when I was young. There were so many clubs and societies, live music venues and lectures, many associated with my work place at a Government Research facility, for people in the town of all ages. Then it was closed down. The town died. The Assembly Hall became a posh car sale room. The Cinema was demolished for an office block. The Town Hall, used for music, dancing and other activities was sold off for more offices. The Jubilee Hall was "accidentally" torched freeing the land for another office block, now converted to flats. Our outdoor swimming pool, the Puddle, had already gone to make way for a college extension and was replaced by an indoor pool in the now demolished Leisure Centre. It took 30 years for the promised new cinema to arrive. Many of the useful shops were demolished to try and get the "big names" in. It didn't work. More room for tacky flats. The Community centre also went, with plans for even more flats to fill the space left. Even the Duck pond went.

The Working Men's and Social clubs for the elderly disappeared along with the youth clubs. The Tumbledown, a pub with a reputation as a live music venue is now a MacD. Other pubs have closed as is happening everywhere. This is a sprawling town of about 60,000 people. It is a commuter town covering about 19 sq km. Only parts of it have a bus service that runs more than once an hour and some areas have no bus.

I used to go for a chat and a cuppa with my best friend, walking distance away, but she died Christmas 2023. My next door neighbour who was lovely died a few days later. My new neighbour is a nightmare. She has two harrassment complaints against her already. About a month ago, my little veggie patch got sprayed with weed killer through the fence. She has turned another friend against me. She sees me talking to anybody and she is accusing me of gossiping about her. She tells people I am gossiping about them.

One of my daughters wants me to sell up and move near her but that would put me over 100 miles from my other daughter and grandson. As it is, we do all meet up here occasionally, roughly in the middle. My husband is buried a 15 minute walk away, a couple of rows from my Grandparents, my Uncle and my best friend.

I used to go to a gym to help my joints but it became a Martial Arts centre. The other gyms don't do classes and I am too small to use the equipment they have. There is a new gym in the next town which I will check out.

Mostly, I want someone to talk to, in addition to the casual chats with strangers while waiting for a bus. I like intelligent conversation - and that is in short supply. That is why I am on here. The site I loved for 20 years, with it's people, meet-ups and mental stimulation closed down 2 years ago when the founder moved on to other projects.

We do have a small (24 acre) park I can reach on my scooter. It is beautiful in May when the rhododendrons are in flower. It had many wonderful trees in the Autumn but some are gone now thanks to the new Esso pipe line. The woods and fields I used to walk through have became housing estates inhabited by people with Ear Buds separating them from the world, except for the Nepalese who are friendly, but we mostly have to communicate by sign language and smiles after the Namaste.

Crossstitchfan

A dog?? I love dogs but they are such hard work, and can be very demanding. I fail to see a dog as an aid to relieving depression!

Maybe my little spaniel is a very amenable animal, but I'd never have described her as 'such hard work'. And she's a good reason for getting out of bed each morning.
As for mobility, mine isn't too brilliant, but I am certain it would have deteriorated faster if she and I didn't put in the mileage. We're out for about an hour a day.

Aely says she has deteriorating mobility so some of the suggestions may not be appropriate for her. Aely you mention the old people's home Garden fete which I am sure will be enjoyable. If the Care home is near to you perhaps think about going in to sit and chat with some of the people who live there, I am sure they will appreciate your Company.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=idsrjymIUSE

I watch things like that. When I come home and eat something after work and make coffee before sorting dinner, watch similar things, it completely takes me to their place

Watch youtube videos according to your interest. I watch about people buying cheap homes in other countries and their video vlogs. I don't have a grand life either nearing the 50s. I work in production facility, am home with my daughter after her school, and on the weekend we go as a family to the beach;

I am sensitive person and do not have female friendships. Do not do bars, pubs, women's gossip or the like. Have done all the hobbies, adult courses, crafts, churches etc one can think of

But I love ideas and finding out curious facts about whatever. Also have an offer for Professional cookery and might take it, just to gain some qualification as it comes with recipees but business skills also.

Small steps are best I think. If health allows going for a walk always helps. You could meet people who are out walking their dogs. I have lots of chats with people on my walks.
Is there a cafe nearby where you can stop and have a drink. Sometimes just being around other people can help.
As others have said an engrossing hobby is much better than watching TV. I have puzzle books I enjoy. Gives your brain a work out.
Maybe think of what you liked to do as a child, painting, music etc.
I hope some of the suggestions on here help as I can see you are feeling quite low 💐

Should the OP return, she could say where she lives, as some posters might have helpful, local knowledge?

I think I would move to a better town, have you ever thought of doing that?

Perhaps a cat?
😁

Crossstitchfan

A dog?? I love dogs but they are such hard work, and can be very demanding. I fail to see a dog as an aid to relieving depression!

Agreed.

Dogs are hard work, demanding, require much cleaning.

Perhaps a cat?

It depends. Taking on a dog at age 77 is quite a commitment and depends on energy levels and financial situation too. Aely says she has deteriorating moility so it wouldn't be fair on a dog either. I love dogs but wouldn't have another one now.

Some small towns often have far more going on in the way of social groups than large ones or cities.

The U3A doesn't sound very thriving but perhaps it might be an idea to join a group you might not think is interesting - who knows, you might love it. If you don't, try another one.

Is there a local choir? Singing is beneficial for health, apparently. The local church?
The trouble is, groups are folding because younger retired people aren't joining so keeping them going is essential to avoid older people feeling isolated.

It's true, they are a big commitment, I couldn't look after one, sadly.
But they can help, if you are able to have one. They encourage you to get out in the fresh air and have some exercise. They give companionship, and they help with interaction with others. I'm sure all this helps depression.

Oh I really hate it when people suggest getting a dog- as if dogs are a great cure all for all the ills in the world...

Some people don't want the responsibilty and commitment of keeping a pet, which is also a big expense.

I have had it said so often I just wonder how people think I have no time of inclination for such a thing which is not a trivial undertaking at all but a very serious commitment...

A dog?? I love dogs but they are such hard work, and can be very demanding. I fail to see a dog as an aid to relieving depression!

I think Aely probably is depressed becauseof lack of social interaction. Having M.E. I can understand this. But antidepressants wouldn't solve it for me. When I am well enough I make the effort to meet with people. And it is a huge effort mentally and physically. But I need other people in my life. Lack of doing it makes it a huge step to take.
I think this is what has happened to Aely. I think she needs a combination of "There there" and advice to take the bull by the horns and try something. Feel the fear and do it anyway. What is the worst that can happen?.
And consider getting a dog.