Do I live in the most boring town in Britain?

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I would move if I were you.We only get one life! Move further in the direction of your DD and read up on towns and then visit one you like.It will give you purpose to do this planning and you will end up somewhere you actually like.

Patsy70

There is a wealth of advice here Aely, which you would be wise to take. Failing that, a visit to your GP maybe, as you could be suffering from depression.

I think to have that get up and go, and regain curiosity about people and life, you need to perhaps consider attending to your depression first.

direct instructions "pull yourself together" "stop being negative", its the worst thing to say to someone who is depressed, just makes folk feel more inadequate than ever and withdraw further.

Consider some anti depressants. a lot of people take them and there is no shame in it.
I would just say, please do try a little walk in the park at the same time each day, one does "bump into" the same people and greetings get exchanged. Also worth a try is going to somewhere like a local Costa, again at the same time, people do get to know each other and the staff. You sort of "become someone".

I come from near there, and would agree. It's definitely not a bad place, and has a decent number of shops, pubs, etc. It's just that there's not much about the town which really stands out as unique or better than what you'd find in dozens of other British towns. 100001.onl/

I got this,...

I come from near there, and would agree. It's definitely not a bad place, and has a decent number of shops, pubs, etc. It's just that there's not much about the town which really stands out as unique or better than what you'd find in dozens of other British towns.

I was having one of my random chats today with a complete stranger while we were waiting for the bus to turn up (two turned up together as often happens after a long wait). I really should have done my shopping yesterday when it wasn't so cold, but at least the snow had stopped!

Anyway, turns out the guy, who was about 2 years younger than I am, worked at the same place I did in our youth. Not only that, we both joined the workplace on the same intake. A mass hiring used to take place when the latest school leavers became available. He worked there for 35 years, I moved on after 5 years and our paths never crossed (it employed over 1,000 people on a huge site) but we had an interesting chat. The place closed down in 2001, after drastically reducing in size over the previous decade, and that is when the town began to die. The heart went out of it, along with the associated Clubs, Societies, entertainments and the well paid jobs provided by the work place and extensive support companies that grew up around it.

Another major company moved into town in the 1990s but that too has now moved elsewhere. I worked there for a while when my kids were grown.

All that is left of our once thriving community is an excellent 6th form college and the Technical College, which both still attract students from a wide area.

Because of its good transport links to London and other places this has become a popular Dormitory town. The emphasis has been on stuffing in as many tacky, badly built but not cheap, flats as possible. Office blocks have also been converted. Land is too valuable to be "wasted" on entertainment venues. That is why our Community Centre and Leisure Centre were demolished, to make room for more flats for commuters with, maybe, a smaller new Leisure facility. Such a shame that half the grant given for the new facility seems to have been frittered away by the previous incumbents of the Council.

Our Council administers two adjacent towns. A few years ago the County Council announced that the building used in one (the other one) as a Community Hub and Entertainment Centre, run by locals, was to be sold for "redevelopment". When the rep of the County Council turned up to "consult with" (tell) the locals what was going to happen the police had to be called as the inhabitants wrath was so great at the thought of losing their last remaining community-run venue the lady was felt to be in danger. The CC chickened out, so the "Westie" as it is known still survives - for now. The town also has a cinema, a theatre (I go sometimes if my daughter also wants to go - she provides the transport), multiple fast food joints, slot machine venues, a Bargain Booze some other shops and a drugs problem. Mentioning drugs, a few years ago a drug dealer killed a customer who didn't pay up half a mile from where I live, but this town is much better than the other one, positively posh by comparison. It is reasonably safe to be out after dark.

Sorry, you mistake me, I have every sympathy for Aely. I get the impression that she has no choice in where she lives, and is unfortunate in the lack of activities of interest to her in her town.

One of the problem with threads is that posters contributing more than one post will have a continuing thread in their minds that runs from post to post that means that their second aand onward posts need to be seen in context with those that they had written before. Someone coming to the thread reads only the most recent post, and incorrectly extrapolates attitudes from there.

We all do it, I include myself, but it does cause problems when a poster is lambasted for not saying something they had made clear a page earlier.

I am not sure how to get round this.

Madeleine can I have you on speed dial?
Love your posts 🌹

I think it is all too easy to project a person’s different experiences in life whereby success was achieved and believe it could be achieved by others.
Aely I hear you and sympathise. We live in the South but are originally from a county not far from Hartlepool, and there can be more of a sense of community in the North imho. However, we are moving further South, near Brighton, to be near family because they all live down here.
Stripey was just trying to say that not everyone has the same advantages and I can imagine that the OP is trying to make the best of it. There are older people from all manner of backgrounds on this forum and sometimes I also feel that those with obviously more money and support don’t always appreciate that others do not have the same. Am not speaking for Aely here, she can speak for herself, but for some this is no country for old people.
Wishing you well Aely.

There seem to be a few things going on at once here. In my opinion,
there can be " something wrong" with a person or indeed a place.
Some locations are run down, public transport is poor, services have all but disappeared. Others spring back to some sort of life.

Likewise personalities, health and circumstances change.

Your parents seemed to have come with a scheme which worked for them. Good. They were indeed fortunate.

As for a friendly group and me sneering, I beg to differ. I do not have the capacity nor the desire to spoil and internet forum.

Stripeygran I think you are rather overegging my comments. 65% of the population own their own home and a signifcant significant number of people move house when they retire for a range of reasons. of course there are people who cannot move or choose. But is over half the population to be sneered at in the way you do, just because the other 35% live in different (not necessarily worse) circumstances.

The only thing in life that is 100%, is that to be active in this world we must be alive, and everyone from a newborn baby to someone on the cusp of death is alive. otherwise we all vary in our circumstances over everything.

GN has always been a friendly group who accept thta we are different, have different lives in every way.

Please do not spoil it for us all.

M0nica

It is nothing to do with the town - or you. You are just a mismatch.

When my parent's retired and moved, every town they thought of moving to, they went to the library (in pre-internet days) and checked what was happening locally and decided not to offer on several houses they really liked because there seemed to be nothing that interested them happening in the town they were situated in.

They actually bought a house that fell short of other houses they had seen because it was in a town with lots of groups doing things they enjoyed and had a long, busy and happy retirment and all the friends they had made helped and supported my father in the 10 years he lived alone after my mother's death.

We have just done the same. Found the right town and then looked for a house there.

Monica. I dare say if you have the funds and the intellect , this may be one way forward.

A lot of people are living a life that falls short of what they anticipated, never mind a house. They then have to battle away to connect and thrive somehow.

It is nothing to do with the town - or you. You are just a mismatch.

When my parent's retired and moved, every town they thought of moving to, they went to the library (in pre-internet days) and checked what was happening locally and decided not to offer on several houses they really liked because there seemed to be nothing that interested them happening in the town they were situated in.

They actually bought a house that fell short of other houses they had seen because it was in a town with lots of groups doing things they enjoyed and had a long, busy and happy retirment and all the friends they had made helped and supported my father in the 10 years he lived alone after my mother's death.

We have just done the same. Found the right town and then looked for a house there.

Here, in the South of England, it seems to be still the tradition that we shouldn't speak to people we haven't been "introduced to" in case they aren't "our sort of people". My mother believed popping round to a neighbour's for a cuppa was terribly lower class. Her own mother desperately tried to hide her Ag Lab forebears by adopting a veneer of "posh".

My Dad's family had a high proportion of Scottish blood - and you can't get much more Northern than that. The rest of his make-up was Norfolk sons-of-the-soil. I think I inherited his Socialising genes! However, thanks to my Mother's input I do lack confidence in myself. If I wanted to visit someone she would say "They don't want to be bothered with you", "Who exactly is their father?" or "You don't want to be bothered with them" if they had issued an invitation.

Isn't it funny how in the same country people can be so different. Or even in a neighbouring suburb the vibe is different. Is it really so or is it our mood I wonder?

Where I live its very much the land of " keep yourself to yourself" It amuses me to see the word community used in so many adverts for coffee shops or bars. If you've got no money, the community is nowhere to be seen!

Elder DD mentioned that she can't understand how her younger sister can live where she does as there is "nothing there". I understand. She has a 3 year old son (and a husband) and also has a job. There is no time or energy for anything else.
Elder DD would like me to move near her. It is a nice little town and I would have loved it when I was younger and fitter. She and her husband drive a shortish distance to take long walks in the country side, go to the Hawk Conservancy and belong to an Archery club. She also goes to visit old friends at weekends. She says if I lived nearby she could pop round for a cup of tea. As she works long hours, it would have to be a quick one! I have had a look at houses for sale there. They are about the same as here.
Gardening there is strictly in pots. There is about two inches of soil on solid chalk. DD gardens with a pickaxe which I bought many years ago to remove concrete from my own garden.

Back in 2000 I was looking to buy a place and discovered Hartlepool as the only place I could afford. I went to visit and really liked it. I went exploring, got caught in a snow storm and popped in a pub to get a warming cup of tea or coffee. I had hardly walked through the door when someone got up from a group of people sitting there, came over and invited me to join them. They were around my age or older. They could tell from my accent I wasn't local. When the snow eased and it was time for me to leave they refused to let me go back to my hotel by bus and gave me a lift back to my hotel. Go to my local pub and the only time anybody speaks to you is because they want your seat!

That was when I decided I would like to retire there when the time came. I already liked the town and the nearby Seaton Carew beach. I found a property but was gazumped. Then the prices started to shoot up and I was stuck here. My Aged Aunt was getting older and I had to look out for her. She died at 95 and left me some money, so at the age of 65, with a small top-up morgage, I bought my place. It's much nicer now than when I bought it from the HA.

A pity you don’t wish to move as you could find another small house with a garden, maybe near to one of your DD’s and in a more lively town.77 isn’t that old really.

I have a foot in both camps here. Although I no longer live where I grew up, I hanker after that.So much has gone,so I am with Aely there. It's a strange, sad feeling somehow.

And yet, BlueBelle talks sense. We must ( well I feel I must) seek connection.I host a little conversation group for newcomers. This has opened some doors for me.

It's so easy to take a negative turn of mind. We are hardwired for it, then there's the climate, the hideous news everywhere and possibly health/mobility problems to contend with.

I think you could write a terrific blog Aely

There is no point in looking backwards you need to look forwards
You’re an articulate person and you like your Nepalese neighbours but say you wished they spoke better English why not start some informal lessons helping them and helping you as well For the most part they are a kind and gentle race of people who would be grateful It could be informal visits to a coffee shop or in yours or there homes could be one by one or however you felt comfortable What a gift you would be giving
When the Vietnamese boat people came over here I befriended a family and helped them to start up their life here, I was rewarded with the most delicious dinner invites lovely lovely food we helped each other

I check out the board at the local library on a fairly regular basis. Apart from the occasional Pilates class with a vacancy and the Library Knit and Natter group (tried that once), the board tends to be bare. I used to get both the Tuesday and Thursday issues of the local paper. Now there is one issue a week and it covers a huge area. Having a "sneak peak" occasionally when I see a copy, I have found that if I did fork out the £3.60 required to purchase it, I would be lucky to find one page concerning the area I can actually get to.

Looking online for "Things to do in ...", I sometimes spot something and think "I didn't know we had that, I wonder where it is?" and find it is 15 miles away or more - "a short drive away" (via the motorway).

Madeleine, I have been on my own for so long, 17 years since my elder daughter finally moved out for the last time (a boomeranger) that I am a little tired of my own company.

I used to enjoy looking at the local architecture in the older part of town and more locally, wandering around admiring other people's front gardens, sometimes chatting with the people tending them. A lot of the big, old houses have gone, tacky blocks of flats replaced them, some are now small estates of suburbia, like the property that belonged to the family of my sister's boyfriend, where I learned to drive (an Austin 7) at the age of 14, dodging the trees in the "back garden".
In this part of town the gardens I enjoyed have nearly all disappeared under paving to be used for car parking. The farms that were here when I was a child are now housing estates. The local stream which used to run through fields is no longer a haven for ducks, sticklebacks and water voles. It gets the run-off from an airfield in heavy rain, is surrounded by (and occasionally floods) housing and is too close to the Motorway to be peaceful, although a local group clears the dumped, stolen, bikes and shopping trolleys and tries to keep it and its banks clean.

The pavements are so bad it is no pleasure walking and on the mobility scooter I have on occasions had the handle bars jerked out of my hands.

This road once got a prize for the Best Front Gardens. Now there is mine and two others that are still planted. The others sport scruffy grass with a couple of pots, or parking, and this is typical of the area. The cemetary is still nice. I spotted a green Woodpecker last year when I went to put flowers on a family grave.

I think I need to be " more madeleine"

My old old methods that I tend to suggest to everyone, do seem to work to make you more aware of things, that sometimes others know about you but you seem to forget. So you need two pieces of paper. On one you write anything you enjoy, whether it is a cup of coffee, swimming or doing sommersaults, and on the other the things you dislike, such as cleaning windows, watching rubbish soaps or writing letters. But each time you think of something write it on the appropriate list, then fold it over so that you cannot read it. and continue. After a couple of weeks or at the end of a page just put the papers away without looking at them and leave them for a while. On a day you feel a little better, perhaps it is raining and a good chance to stay in the warm etc. Then open the papers and you are looking to see groups of similar things. So if several things show you dislike noisy places, or that you love mooching round the shops and meeting people you can see that eventually you will see the obvious but also there can sometimes be a theme that you hadnt really been aware of, such as how much you enjoy looking at gardens or the shape of trees and roof tops as you walk. This could set you in another direction where you might think of joining an art group or a local history group. Look in your local library to see if there are any groups that are involved in your new interests that you might try out. Also whatever your interests are there will be some voluntary group that you would be able to match up with your interests. As a lecturer , teacher, and singer amongst other things I have been in choirs, at this time of year have rehearsed and sung in carol concerts or gone round carol singing for charities that I wanted to support, might that appeal to you? It is not a lot of a commitment , only until christmas but you could see if you enjoy it or bow out gracefully after that, but if it turns out to be something you like you could follow it through with other singers in choirs. I have run Brownie and Guide groups abroad and here and they always could do with helpers, as would any youth groups or play groups. Even if you felt only able to offer one week in four, it would still allow someone to organise something special on those days as they would have your help as another responsible adult. Even if nothing of these things interested you, I would suggest that you at least get your local newspaper and read it cover to cover. I have moved so many times both here and abroad and the library and the local paper are my go to places. You will see what is happening around you, find something you knew nothing about going on. Even if you make a plan to at least look at something new once a month, and have a list of possibilities and cross them off as you go, you would see that you have actually done something for yourself to make things clearer. At this time of year you get so much false information, whether looking at adverts or seeing loads of people together in the street, where you feel you are the only one on their own and are missing out on wonderful occasions. Well that could be true, but it is much more likely not. Half the groups you see will either be arguing or wishing they were doing something else, feel dragged out to spend their time and money on nothing they really want to do. I remember so well that in the run up to christmas when my son was young and I was trying to get to so many rehearsals, run the house, sort out christmas stuff etc and I would see a lady sat in a cafe , relaxing and enjoying her coffee with a paper and so long to be her for half an hour. Dont forget the other small pleasure of being on your own is that you can choose exactly what you watch or listen to and eat at the time you choose. I will make the most of being able to listen uninteruppted to my Bach and opera and other concerts , which will be bliss to me, and I will not have to be polite and switch it off or hear some music that really makes me cringe! Just have a go at one or two of the suggestions that people have made, that can be a goal in itself and then let yourself think that in the New Year you might start thinking of other possibilities.

I love reading your updates Aely. I think the take away message for me this week seems to be that it's good to keep trying , to be active, to look forward. None of this is easy if you have a tendency to head into negativity. The climate is against us too.

My daughters want me to sell up and move to a different town. I'm 77. There is no way I want to go through that. I was already a tenant here when I bought it (with a discount and an inheritance from an Aunt), so no more moving, no broken chains and I knew what the place was like, what it needed, and over time have got it as good as it can get.

I'm certainly not rattling around. There is hardly room to swing a hamster, let alone a cat in this ex-Council 1970s two up, one down end of terrace, but it does have a bit of garden back and front which helps. We were packed in like sardines when the kids were here. This house would fit in the living room of the flat where we used to live before financial woes caused us to move. I need a garden for my sanity. The flat didn't have one, which is why I got my allotment. Even with my bit of garden, I am not looking forward to the time when I can't manage the allotment. There is no way I can afford to buy somewhere with a decent sized garden and waiting lists for allotments are years long.

I have heard back about the exercise class. I have my complimentary "trial" session on Monday to see how I like it.

luluaugust suggested moving. I would consider this if you've got the energy to cope with the whole buying and selling process.

I listened to an elderly lady talk about rattling around in a big dilapidated house; she moved to a studio in central London and absolutely loved it. These dark long nights are difficult to fill and I do sympathise.