Hi

Are the children, twins?

Sadly I've tried having it out with her a few times but nothing changes

No. It probably won't change...And she probably finds this pretty hurtful, having to keep on saying "no".

I always had a good relationship with my mother - but she often said she wanted to look after my children "to help".

I was not a help to me. I wanted to do it myself.
Please don't think she's changed towards you. ... but now you want something from her that she doesn't want to give.

Don't forget you had your choices when your daughter was a baby.
This is now your daughter's choice.

Lizardyoga, it does not imply she dislikes you or has ceased to love you. Your daughter simply prefers her type of child care.

I’m very fortunate that it doesn’t involve me personally, but I feel for you and there are plenty of people on this form who will be able to identify with you there are couple of posts on estrangement.. If you just type that into the search bar"