What's the first thing you do? (Particularly the "nicely" endowed)

Our local seaside cafe does a delicious cooked breakfast - egg, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, beans (in ramekin), tomato, hash brown, toast with butter (or fried bread), cup of tea, all for under £10. We often go there on a Saturday morning, a delicious breakfast with a view of the sea, a perfect start to the weekend. The first thing I do is tell my husband to lean into his plate, otherwise he ends up wearing his breakfast 😂.

Head for the lanzoprazole as I know I will have chronic indigestion. Sounds delicious 😋 though.

Same as Monica, I don't like eggs anymore, I did once. My husband doesn't like mushrooms, although I prefer the larger ones. Sometimes we'll do a mushroom/egg swop, as long as he can get the offending egg off my plate without any yolk residue - yuk! otherwise pretty much everything bar black pudding. I do like a little ramekin of baked beans and yes I'll tuck a napkin in to preserve whatever I'm wearing, nothing worse than a baked bean stain, well an egg stain would be worse I suppose We only have the full English in a hotel. At home it's porridge and fruit for him and fruit and Greek yogurt for me. Although apropos of the thread about it, I intend to give the overnight oats a go.

My full English is a bit sparse compared to others. It is bacon, egg, mushrooms and tomato. My napkin never saves it as it sits in my lap, although I suppose I could do a Poirot 😊.

Toothpaste is always an issue as well. I am frequently to be seen with a white mark down my front, it won’t rub out.

In my childhood a cooked breakfast was eggs and bacon, and if you were lucky a slice of fried bread.

The idea of a 'full English breakfast' is a nonsense dreamed up by chain hotels. The full English breakfast, English country house style included devilled kidneys and kedgeree. I have yet to see those on a Premier Inn buffet.

The first thing about any cooked breakfast I eat is that it does not include an egg in any form. I do not like eggs. It will contain bacon, tomato, mushroom, and hash browns. And I will start by picking up my knife and fork and cutting off a piece of hash brown and putting it in my mouth.

Put the beans in the bin!

Salt the eggs 🥴
I know but some things just have to have it. Not many, eggs, chips, rice.

The only time I ever have such a breakfast is when somebody else has cooked it! Almost always in a hotel. But I do really enjoy it - no black pudding though, thanks, or fried eggs with slimy uncooked white on top.

I usually have a half a grapefruit which squirts at me so I have to change my top after breakfast anyway. First thing I do is move the plate back a bit so I don't inadvertently push it across the table and knock my teacup over.

And vinegar!

Forgot to mention, cover in tom sauce or mayo, or both, with mustard!

I'd skip altogether the black pudding and bread/toast as I detest them both, so I would have extra eggs instead.

I don't ever cook as I don't like it and won't have an oven/cookers, so it would have to be in a cafe.

I'd make straight for the baked beans! Then hash browns, toms, mushrooms, bacon, then sausages, all washed down with a mug of hot chocolate with all the trimmings!

Labradora

Blossoming

Cover my front with a napkin.

I cover my front with a napkin anytime I go anywhere near food otherwise I would spend my entire life washing and ironing tee-shirts and other tops.
Messy McMess Face...........🤣🤣.

I see that I've answered this before ..... forgot the reference to being well-endowed. GotIt.
I'd be messy if I were flat-chested. Without a bib food would drop onto my lap rather than my chest.

Put Tomato Ketchup on the plate..... probably next to the beans and sausages...... sorry!!

No breakfast plate of mine would ever have beans or tomatoes on but everything else is an option. DH would eat them both though.

I prefer Irish potato cakes to hash browns most of the time.

Anything that drops off the plate will end in my lap, not on my chest.

We only have breakfast at weekends, and very rarely a cooked Welsh.
Usually croissants, yogurt, fruit or porridge.
Full cooked breakfasts are usually reserved for when we go away to an hotel in N Wales. Marvellous they are and absolutely no beans .

Send it back. I hate fried breakfasts.

What the heck does being "nicely endowed" -do you mean with big boobs?- have to do with breakfast/TIB/coffee/full English or not?
Or is OP just showing offagain ?

That’s me blossoming, ‘napkin’, usually a tea towel 😂

Reading the OP, I could have everything on that list apart from the fried bread.
The first thing I do? Pour on a decent amount of HP Sauce. Lovely.

Throw away the black pudding!

I've never served baked beans with breakfast

When I used to get out and about more I used to dread having to eat breakfast in a hotel. I’ve never ate breakfast but hate paying for something and not being able to eat it. I do try to make myself something to take with me to eat later but I believe that it is frowned upon? I do love fried egg on toast, though, and it always upsets me if I overcook the egg and it isn’t runny . I also love black pudding.

I like baked beans but would never have them for breakfast, although OK on toast for a bit of a supper snack. I used to love a cooked b'fast and my late DH used to make the full English on occasional wknds. The few times I've cooked it myself it's never been so enjoyable and have never got the fried bread as good.

My late Granny used to enjoy meals in bed in a Sunday. She was very good at making things. One of her triumphs was threading a hard plastic hair band through the hem of a napkin thus making a neat fitting half hoop round her neck with the napkin spread out down her front.