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This is tough!!

(48 Posts)
CoolMimi Thu 23-Sep-21 19:14:21

I feel so bad admitting this on here, but my grandchildren are brats and my daughter is enabling it. When they visit (thank goodness they are an 8 hour drive away), they absolutely destroy my house! I'm not talking about toys on the floor, now. That would be fine...I would be totally ok with that. I am talking about defiant rudeness and complete lack of any sort of structure and discipline. Imagine wild hyenas let loose in your living room....there ya go!
So, here is the problem...they want to make my house the designated spot for this Christmas! Yikes!!! The last two times they came, I had to have MAJOR repairs....cabinets broken at hinges, broken dishes, clogged toilet, ....the list goes on! So, when I have tried talking to my daughter about how to give the children some tasks they are responsible for so they would have a function in the family, she poo-poo's that. When the children do something naughty which requires some parental redirection, they handle it by saying things like, "Who wants to go out for ice cream!"

Nannylovesshopping Thu 23-Sep-21 19:33:41

I would definitely be going away for Christmas this year, to be honest, they all sound like a nightmare.

lemongrove Thu 23-Sep-21 19:35:41

🤣 fun eh? Not.
Are you in the UK Mimi ? If the thought of Christmas fills you with dread ( it does sound awful) then you need to start planning now to be doing something else.Staying with friends or a hotel Christmas if you can afford it?
If you really have to host it, put anything you value away before they arrive, count to ten and have a large gin and tonic to hand.
Seriously, many children now seem to have had no discipline at all and do whatever they like, but it’s your house and your rules.
Let the small things go, but pull them up on rudeness or actually destroying something.

Callistemon Thu 23-Sep-21 19:43:29

I thought when I read this - surely not?!

But then I remembered some unexpected visitors we had one day, many years ago before we had DC.
A work colleague of DH & wife called in with their 4 children and they practically destroyed my house. Ran upstairs, jumped on beds, broke a big copper jug (the handle came off) and rampaged around causing chaos.
I remember thinking I shouldn't yell in front of their indulgent parents. And that I wasn't sure if I wanted any children myself!

I'd tell them sweetly that you think you might be away this Christmas and how much you will miss them. 🙂

H1954 Thu 23-Sep-21 19:44:09

Could you suggest to DD that they book into a hotel rather than staying with you?

Jaxjacky Thu 23-Sep-21 19:44:41

Wouldn’t dream of having them, make plans to be elsewhere, as others have said, quickly!

Scribbles Thu 23-Sep-21 19:47:04

Just say NO!!

GrandmaKT Thu 23-Sep-21 19:52:38

How about suggesting you book a holiday house for Christmas? (But make sure it's in the parents' names so they have to pay for any damages!!)

Fleur20 Thu 23-Sep-21 20:11:02

Your Christmas should be the Christmas that YOU want..
They can stay at home and have the Christmas THEY want..with all it entails..

Tell them you are going away for the festive season.. going into a retreat.. emigrating.. but have Christmas YOUR way..

Framilode Thu 23-Sep-21 20:27:22

This is reminiscent of some friends we had over with their 3 year old grandson. He completely trashed the house. He broke my glass coffee table, threw food all over the carpet and really wrecked the place. His grandparents were embarrassed but didn't do anything to stop him.
My own grandchildren were a bit wild but nothing on this scale. I feel cross with myself that I didn't say anything at the time, over polite.
I agree with others. Do not put up with it and make other arrangements. It is up to the parents to keep some sort of restraint on the children. If they can't or won't why should you have to put up with the results.

sodapop Thu 23-Sep-21 21:00:26

Totally agree with everyone else. That should not be happening CoolMimi If you cannot talk frankly to your daughter about how you feel then make alternative arrangements for Christmas. It's your home and your time as well.

SueDonim Thu 23-Sep-21 21:09:58

My neighbour got fed up of hosting Christmas for her ungrateful family so one year she booked for herself and her sister to go away over Christmas & NY on a cruise through China. I think she was about 80yo then. She and her sister had a marvellous time and neither of them was asked to host Christmas again. Win win!

Hithere Thu 23-Sep-21 21:35:59

You can send them to a hotel, say no...

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 24-Sep-21 10:36:29

They sound awful. Could anyone else in the family host Christmas? I don’t know how old/fit you are, but could you make the excuse that having people to stay is getting a bit much for you now, all the preparations, making up beds, food etc? And you could casually drop in that there’s always so much clearing up and repairing afterwards too, as the grandchildren are so boisterous (I’m being very polite there!). It sounds like a total nightmare to me and I really wouldn’t my Christmas or my home wrecked like that. What sort of state is their own home in, and are they ever invited twice to anyone else’s home? If they’re school age, how on earth do the teachers manage them?

Aveline Fri 24-Sep-21 10:46:17

Tell them your insurance company have vetoed their visit!
Seriously. They just cant come. The others have made very good suggestions. Good luck. I can completely understand your point of view.

highlanddreams Fri 24-Sep-21 10:51:30

please just say "No I don't want to because your kids wreck my house" You have to be clear and concise to get your point across and stick to it.

Witzend Fri 24-Sep-21 10:52:36

I would second going away for Christmas, OP!

Years ago, when living in the Middle East in a largely Greek Cypriot community (on a construction camp) I had a neighbour with 2 little boys who were honestly a feral nightmare. Grabbing, bashing, throwing, trashing everything they could lay their hands on, charging around like human hurricanes.

One day, she was suddenly child-free.
‘Where are your little boys?’ sez I.

She shrugged. ‘I sent them to my mother.’ 😱
Among that community it was not unheard of at the time.

Elless Fri 24-Sep-21 11:00:26

What a nightmare, I think your daughter will take offence no matter what you do and it's going to happen at some time so think of yourself and what's best for you. Good luck.

VioletSky Fri 24-Sep-21 11:02:21

Set clear boundaries.

I would love to say yes to hosting Christmas and spend the holiday with you all however, my home and belongings need to be treated with respect and my rules followed. I found the last visit distressing because I understand as a grandparent it is not my place to discipline the children but they did cause a lot of damage and I didn't feel that this behaviour was addressed appropriately.

Or just say no.

"brats" hate that word. Be sure not to mention it to your family members as they likely won't appreciate it either.

Antonia Fri 24-Sep-21 11:02:43

Definitely don't have them over. I would just be honest and say that they are too boisterous and can't come until they can behave properly.
Or, as others have said, either go away yourself or tell them to book a nearby hotel.

Gwyneth Fri 24-Sep-21 11:40:23

Don’t make any excuses just say No.

V3ra Fri 24-Sep-21 11:40:43

If you feel you do need to get together for Christmas, say that you think the children will be better spending it in their own home from now on.
Then decide how short you can realistically keep your visit.

Katie59 Fri 24-Sep-21 13:11:48

You probably can’t win, faced with the prospect myself I would say OK but the children WILL behave properly, then make sure the parents arrange activities to keep them occupied. I’m still up for challenges and after raising 4 sons of my own I could still handle it, maybe I would end up as Grumpy Granny, my house my rules!.

ExDancer Fri 24-Sep-21 13:27:28

Book a country cottage for you all as grandmaKT suggests, making sure its in their name, not yours, and have a family Christmas away. But do it soon, these places are snapped up by the end of the summer season - my SIL has some in the Lake District and is almost fully booked already.
If you can afford it you could offer to pay (but make sure any up-front payment for breakages is made by them as their contribution) .
It would be a joint family Christmas present from you to them.
Sell it to them as great fun ,OK cooking in a strange oven will be a challenge but better than having your home trashed.

Shelflife Fri 24-Sep-21 14:16:56

This absolutely unbelievable! I recognize how difficult it would be to speak to your daughter, I doubt it would help even if you did! My solution would be to book a Christmas break, the main thing is for you to be determined not to have your house wrecked by GC. Do whatever it takes to protect your sanity and your house !!!