Borderline Personality Disorder

Thanks everyone for your comments and support. It is very difficult to persuade a 28 year old woman who is also stuck somewhere in her childhood where she flet safer than she does now.

She goes to a therapist once a week (about the fourth one she has tried) FlicketB It is a good suggestion that she talks about her fears about being like her grandmother. I know what her reaction will be when I suggest it to her tho: Do you think I am like Grandma? and I will have to answer No because her grandmother was narcissistic which DD2 is not, and yet DD2 most def has signs of mental ill health.

I have enough of a struggle persuading her to see her GP. We have in the past contacted MIND which is what led her to getting herself assessed 18 months ago by the local mental health services here in Wandsworth. I don't think they did a very good job as they basically signed her off with CBT and that didn't work, and they didn't keep her on the books, as it were.

I understand that being given a label may or may not be helpful (my partner's psychiatrist doesn't believe in them either) but waffling around not understanding what these symptoms and behaviour is and being dreadfully unhappy doesn't help her either. Stick and a hard place really

She has alienated DD1 by her behaviour at Xmas so they no longer talk to one another as DD2 is expecting DD1 to apologise, but DD1 doesn't really have anything to apologise for imo and I have tried explaining this to DD2 to no avail.

We are a very broken family as my husband and I divorced after he came out as gay after 30 years of marriage, I think I have mentioned on another post. The girls coped with the fact he was gay but not his years of betrayal and deceit. DD2 was already suffering from mental health issues before that happened but the breakdown of the family exacerbated it.

Lucy thank you for explanation, which crossed my post.

night owl good post.

Lucy how would your daughter being officially diagnosed treat the underlying cause? If you say she is terrified of being classed as mentally ill, and it seems she is managing her symptoms of anxiety well, why do you think this diagnosis necessary?

I understand how worried you are.

This is not about general anxiety and depression which many people live with. her behaviour is abnormal.

This describes the behaviour to a T:

'Borderlines are stuck with their own intolerable feelings and they feel trapped. Being around them is like walking on eggshells even if they've had intensive therapy. Their underlying fear is one of abandonment, so they bring it about by either abandoning first so they are in charge or by forcing others to abandon them. So they control any abandonment. Often it is the ones they love and depend on the most that they hurt. They fear the vulnerability of deep attachments.

Borderlines are usually very jealous and insecure and of course, nothing is ever their fault. And there is only one way to do things -- their way.

Borderlines are terrified of their feelings usually because they were not validated as children when they felt frightened or overwhelmed or proud of an achievement. Often they were ignored or felt abandoned.

Borderlines need to understand that what they are experiencing are just their "feelings" and very importantly that everyone has feelings -- not only them. They can learn about practicing mindfulness and how to talk themselves down, but many of them don't want to. They crave being the center of shocked attention because It proves they exist and are in control of their family members or partners. Often they have emotional scenes or meltdowns while loved ones just stare in disbelief. The general public only sees the composed side. The borderline sees things as black or white. No nuanced perceptions, because "feelings" get in the way of clear thinking.

Jingle she takes 40g citalopram for her depression and anxiety and Valium for panic attacks (which she rarely takes) but the underlying cause is not being treated as sh hasn't been officially diagnosed as having BPD. DD1 and I have suspected she has this as her behaviour is absolutely spot on. My main problem is persuading her to go back for another assessment.

Borderline personality disorder is diagnosed far more frequently in women than men, and often seems to be used when medics aren't sure what is going on but want to attach a label IMO. As others have said, the label can then change with no change in symptoms, and for those reasons I don't think it is a particularly helpful label to have.

I think the suggestions above, of support groups and MIND are helpful ones. Try not to get too hung up on the specific diagnosis - an ever changing thing in psychiatric disorders of all types anyway - and support your daughter to find the treatment and therapy that suits her.

Flickety, being diagnosed is fine, if the diagnosis can be trusted. And to be found to be "borderline" anything in my book means very little. What does that actually mean?! (And I'm sure there's a chapter or 2 in the DSM 5 or similar on it, but that word is extremely vague).

I am always wary about these 'do not fix label' phrases. Whatever my problems I want a diagnosis. To then describe someone as 'a depressive' or 'a BPD sufferer' is not acceptable but to say someone has a diagnosis of....., I would find helpful. Denying a medical problem, mental or physical, can be damaging, again, mentally and physically.

Lucy, I too would be worried and concerned in your place. Are there any support groups for the families of those with mental problems? Can an organisation like MIND help you, it may be worth contacting your local branch. Mental illness affects the family as well as the patient and the family need as much support as the person who is ill.

Would your daughter benefit from counselling for her worries about becoming like her grandmother, as well as the treatment the hospital is providing? What ever her problems, a fear like this, rational or irrational, will not help her recovery.

A friend's daughter was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. She took an overdose three times. She was on meds and had counciling. She also had a couple of voluntary admissions.
The physics have now decided she doesn't have BPD but say she has clinical depression. She is still on meds, and is doing ok at present.
My daughter still has bouts of depression at 27 after losing her best friend when they were 14. In fact I know of two other girls of that generation who also suffer.
Is it more prevalent among women ?

Lucy, so sorry to read of your worry 're your daughter. I also wonder whether it's better to not attach a label. Ana, Jings and Susie have all pointed out that mental health problems are common and who's to say what's "normal" -and according to what or whom. I prefer to think of people as eccentric .

I hope your daughter finds some equilibrium soon.

I agree with you, jingl. Who can really say with any conviction that they are truly 'normal'?

Meds can help with lots of conditions these days. I do hope your DD is getting support from her GP, Lucy.

I was terrified of mental illness as well, as my dear mum suffered for years, and tried to take her life several times, and her father had indeed committed suicide.
This can make it very hard to seek help and be totally honest when things start to unravel, as I found to my cost a couple of years ago,when I had what I guess would have been called a nervous breakdown back in the day.

I found my meds, and counseling really helped..encourage your daughter to look at local support groups -we have an excellent mental health forum in Dorset, and it makes you realise you are not alone, that having mental ill health is so common its almost normal, and can also learn coping tips from others

I wish your DD a return to feeling herself soon

That was probably not a very helpful post. Sorry.

I only have experience of anxiety and depression, and I have found antidepressants to be very helpful. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

I am convinced we have all got Borderline Personality Disorder. Insofar as it exists.

Is she getting any meds for her depression and anxiety?