Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello Lucy - have responded to your post in another thread!

Rowan thankyou for your long and helpful post xx Have just responded to your own thread too much more briefly as I hadn't caught up with my own thread yet!

I go back home this week & will post then on DD2 after I speak with my GP about my concerns.

Thanks everyone for your support.

Thistledoo, Lucy and others who understand the emotional turmoil that goes with BPD.

Oh Lucy I also empathise with your situation, I'm sure you feel trapped by this condition with your DD. Its indeed exhausting and frustrating as no matter what you read, what research you do, who you speak to, you are unable to solve this problem, although you would do anything to get some answers. Sadly I do not think there is an answer except to take one day at a time and try and deal with any situation in the best way you know how. Most important thing is to take care of yourself.
Sending you [hugs]

Someone else has probably said this already, but the thinking is that sufferers ultimately 'grow out of' Borderline PD. My DD2 is loads better (she's now 30) though she has had DBT which helped turn her life round.

I, however, am getting worse, though I doubt my diagnosis as I really don't fit some of the symptoms (for want of a better word). I find the worst problems are the intense emotions and swings in mood - the emotions can be overwhelming and it's important that any therapy deals with this and focuses on coping strategies and mindfulness.

Keep us posted on how your daughter is, Lucyinthesky.

This link seems to be a good source of information:
www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com

Hello Rowan, good to see you back, and what a powerful post.
Sending best wishes to you, and your daughter.

Wishing you well, Rowantree, and your daughter, in your efforts to get a balance in your mental health.
Earlier in the thread I mentioned an article I had read about it - I managed to find it, a true story about a young woman's continuing battle. This was in the USA and she had DBT which was a combination of individual and group therapy.
Hopefully these resources are available in the UK. They must be very time-consuming.

Good to see you on Gransnet Rowan - I often wonder how you're getting along but rarely see you post.

Rowantree you are a brave lady to face up to your own and your DD's problems, and still have the energy to pass on helpful advice to others.

Lucy, I've only just seen this thread and there are so many posts that I can't read them all in detail now. I just wanted to add my twopenceworth because I have experience of PBD. My DD2 was diagnosed with it after a troubled time during which she repeatedly self-harmed, attempted suicide and battled with anxiety and depression which were both crippling at times. I struggled to cope. She had psychotherapy which was worse than useless and twice we nearly lost her after two major suicide attempts (no dismissive remarks about attention-seeking, please, anyone, we've heard it all before!)

She managed somehow to complete her schooling and get a degree even though her final year was mostly spent in hospital - but she was determined to finish. She had a therapy called CAT while she was at university and that began to help, but it wasn't possible to continue once she'd left and returned home. It was years later - after somehow driving herself forwards extremely bravely to get an MA, travelling to Romania for a work placement for a couple of months and organising work experience for herself - she managed to get a place on a DBT programme whnere she lived in Islington. This is Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and aims to give coping skills and strategies to help equip sufferers for when their emotions overwhelm them (a big symptom) and to tackle risky self-harming behaviour patterns, amongst other things. It was intensive, but she did it and within weeks was beginning to feel benefits.
Roll on a few years and she is now living with a wonderful, loving and caring partner (I should also add that she has a disability but lives well despite it and her partner sees past it) and has a beautiful little baby girl -and she is a brilliant, loving and nurturing mother. I say that so that you can know that these things are possible, and that a diagnosis of BPD doesn't mean it defines you.

She will never be 'cured' as such: she still has what we call 'borderline moments' when her emotions overwhelm, but now she is able to deal with them far better and knows they will pass.
Her mother is a different matter (yes, that's me!) I have had anxiety and depression on and off for decades, as afar back as I can recall. It was only recently that a possible diagnosis of BPD was made. I have SOME of the symptoms but by no means all - no risky behaviour or self harm, for instance, but my emotions as often overwhelming and I find it hard to deal with them. And I relate to the jealousy'envy thing because for me that is huge, and I am deeply, deeply ashamed of this.

I was referred for another therapy: Mentalisation-Based Therapy. This, a psychotherapy based programme, lasts for 18 months, two days a week. I stuck it out for 9 months and gave it my best shot. I hated it, felt patronised, that I was a fish out of water and though I hate giving up on something, I had to admit to myself that it wasn't helping but actually making me feel worse. It encourages you to 'buy into' your emotions and give them creedence, which is not helpful for me - and I imagine, others too. What IS helpful is the ability to stand back from them, not run away or avoid, but learn to accept them as they are - just feelings, which will pass, but which probably don't have the awful significance our minds tell us they have.

I still dont' know whether the diagnosis is correct for me: as others have stated, it's only as good as the treatment offered. DBT has a Mindfulness element in it which is VERY important in treatment. I am working through a Mindfulness programme by myself but I would recommend DBT very highly and urge you to ask about a referral, if it's offered in your area. It changed my daughter's life completely.
I'm sorry this is so long and I hope bits of it are helpful. I wish you and your daughter every good wish - I know what it can feel like, both as a mother and a sufferer.

I just read that blog properly and I agree with his approach too. We are all "more than" ...

Anti-depressants were all over the media today, everywhere I looked. I'm sure they help lots of people.

I have found antidepressants excellent for helping anxiety, and they can help you to help yourself with depression.

What interesting articles Grannyknot. I like this man's approach. I'm not at all surprised he has a degree in psychology; when I first started reading I thought 'this man sounds more like a psychologist than a psychiatrist'. I'm sure his background makes him a better psychiatrist than he would have been without it. I like the idea that we should see our health issues as part of ourselves, unwelcome though they may be. I have always thought there is a case for accepting that some people are simply eccentric without necessarily labelling them as mentally ill. I am speaking generally of course, not referring to conditions which cause real distress. Eccentric seems to be a term that is no longer used.

Thank you for posting the link.

lucy it's good that your daughter has found a therapist she can relate to at least. My relative has only managed to do so once and that person left early in their relationship. He has been resistant to seeking help since then

Thanks Grannyknot the article beneath that one is also very interesting
psychiatrysho.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/antidepressants-are-not-happy-pills/#comments

Hi Lucy, I skimmed this article, thought you might find it interesting. The headline caught my attention "Should we see our mental illnesses as parts of our genuine selves":

psychiatrysho.wordpress.com/

Will read it properly myself later when I have time.

No-one is talking to anyone although the therapist will have details of the GP as they have to in case of an emergency whenim64

DD2 has organised her own therapist (she is 28 after all) and since going to her a few months ago seems a little better. I would very much like her to be reviewed again by a psychiatrist as I am uncertain that the meds she is on are sufficient or even still correct, and I don't know what the therapist is thinking about what DD2 tells her, of course.

If she's not having reviews, and there is confusion about her diagnosis, Lucy maybe a private therapist is not the person to be treating her, unless it is clear with the GP and consultant psychiatrist that anxiety and depression are definitely the conditions needing intervention. Are they all talking to each other in the best interests of your DD?

Of course not jingle it would scare the living daylights out of her (even if it would help her understand some of her thoughts and feelings and actions)

The internet has it's good points (eg this website) and its bad points - but in the main I think it is a power for good and am grateful for it.

The internet has a lot to answer for. I hope you have not told her you think she has a personality disorder. I'm sure you have not. It would be a horrible thing to live with.

whenim64 I forgot to mention that atm no she doesn't present a danger to herself or anyone else - when she did was the time we persuaded her 18 months ago to get a mental health assessment.

whenIm64 - no review date as they signed her off as having anxiety and depression sent back to GP and to carry on taking 40mg Citalopram. She is seeing a therapist privately as NHS offer only 8 - 12 sessions which is by no means anywhere near enough for an ongoing problem.

nightowl I agree that the label is a horrid one. I am hoping that eventually her therapy will succeed but it has already been a long time. She has been ill for almost 10 years but only sought professional help about 5 years ago and the mental health assessment with a psychiatrist was 18 months ago.

I hate the term personality disorder just because it does define there being 'something wrong' with people's personalities. That's why I would be wary of seeking a diagnosis of personality disorder for anyone close to me.

I'm not sure the treatment would be any different lucy even if BPD is diagnosed. The important thing is for your daughter to accept any help offered. If she won't, no diagnosis in the world will make a difference. It sounds as though you are supporting her and she recognises that, which is very promising for the future. It is a long road with mental health problems, no quick fixes as you clearly know.

lucy reviews have to be built in to ongoing therapy/treatment, so does your DD have a review date? Also, reviews can be brought forward when it is clear that treatment needs to be changed, or a fresh steer is needed from the consultant psychiatrist or psychologist overseeing the treatment. If you think your DD's behaviour is becoming increadingly unmanageable or presenting a risk to anyone's safety, the team providing her treatment should be notified. Hope things imorove for your family soon.