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my daughter is 34 weeks pregnant with 3 year old son-in-law diagnosed with aggressive cancer … how to support

(100 Posts)
Mindikane1959 Thu 29-May-14 11:56:12

has anyone had experience with this..
My daughter is 34 weeks pregnant with a 3 year old. she married her partner of 14 years last week in ICU. when he was diagnosed with aggressive cancer. i don't live near but am staying here. I'm self employed so have put my life on hold. has anyone had experience in supporting something similar? Its heartbreaking to watch her husband although he is so determined its inspiring. We have alternative treatments w
hich are really helping and NHS are great but not offering anything beyond palliative care. I feel like I'm losing my daughter as of course all her energy goes into being with her husband. I can only take care of my granddaughter and the house, and be practical. Any advice?

Soutra Sat 19-Jul-14 20:58:24

Hear, hear! Paul12 I have no idea what your sermonising agenda is but I hope that Mindikane is too busy with supporting her DD and DGC inb the way mothers do and possibly even helping with a new baby any day now to read the platitudinous tosh you have spouted. If that is the God you believe in and pray to, I am truly sorry for you, but please do not foist your judgemental heresy on the rest of us.

Greenfinch Sat 19-Jul-14 13:33:25

Far from testing you, I believe that God is in the suffering with you all and holding you either directly or through all the lovely people who are supporting you at this time. My thoughts are with you Mindikane

Mishap Sat 19-Jul-14 13:24:35

Mindikane - I am thinking of you. You have had such a difficult time and I hope that the pregnancy is proceeding as it should and that your DD is bearing up. Life can be so hard sometimes, but there is so much goodwill here to try and help you through. Kindness and goodwill are what see us through the hard times.

granjura Sat 19-Jul-14 12:42:32

Paul- your comment is really offensive. What sort of God would 'test' people in that cruellest of ways???

granjura Sat 19-Jul-14 12:41:31

I have now words to tell you how sorry I am your daughter and family (you of course) are going through. Hoping all will go well with the birth
flowers

Agus Sat 19-Jul-14 11:43:45

We're still here for you Mindikane and willing to help in any way we can.

TwiceAsNice Sat 19-Jul-14 11:43:18

So sorry for you all and sending love and best wishes. As a therapist ( as I am) you know at the right time it can be really helpful. When that right time has arrived CRUSE bereavement charity will see grieving people in their own home so your daughter wouLd not have to leave the house, they also have specially trained childrens counsellors for your grandchild. I worked extensively with them in the past and can recommend them. They are a national organisation so there should be a branch near you wherever you live. In the meantime please be kind to yourselves and do whatever helps you even if others find it strange we all grieve in different ways and at a different pace. As a therapist yourself you know you need to self-care you are not in a fit place to practice right now. My heart goes out to you all and I wish you peace.

kittylester Sat 19-Jul-14 11:25:48

Well said Mice. I was ignoring the post but had nearly reported it. Paul's views might be sincerely held but they should not be foisted on someone else at a time like this - really insensitive.

Hope you and your family are doing ok Mindikane flowers

MiceElf Sat 19-Jul-14 10:51:19

Mindikane, I have no idea if you have a religious belief or not, but although I'm sure Paul12 meant well, his is not a view shared by most Christians and I don't think that making those sorts of assumptions is at all appropriate.

I hope that you and your family are getting through this very difficult time.

Paul12 Sat 19-Jul-14 05:25:21

I know no words will help ease your pain at this time. I just want to say that I will remember you and your family in your prayers. Just believe that god has planned something really great for you, and that is why he is testing you at this moment.

Faye Sat 05-Jul-14 06:59:48

What a very sad time for your daughter, you and of course your three year old grandchild. I hope the birth of your daughter's baby brings some light into this difficult time. flowers

Coolgran65 Sat 05-Jul-14 03:42:33

I am so sorry for you and your daughter. You are doing what every mother/grandmother does, you are there for back-up. You will look after your baby (even if she doesn't seem to want it) and you'll also look after your baby's baby.
A door closes and a door opens - it will be hard because your daughter's life has changed dramatically, and so has your own.

Deedaa Fri 04-Jul-14 22:30:20

I hope all goes well with the birth and that your new grandchild brings some light into your lives.

seasider Fri 04-Jul-14 21:24:29

I hope your new grandchild brings love and hope for you allflowers

FlicketyB Fri 04-Jul-14 19:24:35

Mindi, what can we say? You are in our thoughts and prayers. Hopefully this time next week you will be able to report the presence of the new member of your family

Mindikane1959 Fri 04-Jul-14 19:18:26

I feel it's time to update... Sadly my son in law died and my daughter of course devastated and lost. With only 6 days to go til her due date it's a surreal nightmare we just try our best to get through each day.
Thank you to everyone for your kindness

nigglynellie Mon 30-Jun-14 18:47:07

My goodness I am SO sorry Mindi, what a desperate thing to have happened. I think all you can do is offer your daughter all the love and support that is humanly possible at this particular time. All I can offer is hugs and prayers for you all, which I do unreservedly.

Thistledoo Mon 30-Jun-14 18:45:25

Sending love and healing thoughts to you and your dear brave daughter.
An unimaginable situation for everyone concerned. Hope all goes well for your daughters home birth. Be brave and strong, as your bereaved little family will need you so much in the coming months. Hugs and flowers

sparkygran Mon 30-Jun-14 18:19:17

Me too Mindykane still sending hugs and thoughts to all of you

Soutra Mon 30-Jun-14 12:09:07

Dear mindikane I have thought of you over the last weeks and wonder you and ypur DD are?

gratefulgran54 Fri 13-Jun-14 22:19:42

So so sorry to hear your family's devastating news Mindi. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. flowers

Marmight Fri 13-Jun-14 22:14:55

flowers So sad. Be brave for your daughter and her babies and take time to grieve......

Penstemmon Fri 13-Jun-14 21:55:20

I am so sorry to read about you sad situation. I can only imagine how very hard it must be for you all. Are you accessing any professional counselling or support? There are several associations and charities that may be able to offer both emotional and practical support. I can only offer condolences. flowers

Agus Fri 13-Jun-14 21:52:50

This is heartbreaking news Mindi. Sending you my heartfelt sorrow for you, your daughter and grandaughter.

You will all come out the other side one day but in the meantime, just being there for one another is all you can do just now, a day at a time. flowers

Deedaa Fri 13-Jun-14 21:47:35

I am so sorry Mindikane What a devastating time for you all, it's beyond imagining for most of us. I'm sure you are being a tower of strength to your daughter but do look after yourself too, I think she will be needing you for a while. flowers