Suicide? Selfish ?

Had a long chat not long ago with a friend who said that she had felt suicidal earlier in the year for various reasons. She said she nearly did commit suicide, it was as if something black came over and was propelling her towards it, it did not feel like her own free will. She did not, thank goodness, and has come through the dark times.

Thank goodness we have moved on (only in 1961) from the days when it was a criminal offence, and if you did not succeed you could be prosecuted and sent to prison.

Soutra and Aka, again just can't find the words so.

For children to find their mother must be unbearable and leave terrible marks for ever.

No words, just - which seem so inadequate.

My daughter tried to take her own life several times and was very nearly successful at least twice. We lived with her severe depression, struggling to understand it, but anyone who thinks that sufferers are 'selfish' are missing the point.
I too have suffered - still suffer - from depression, though thankfully haven't been as ill as DD2 was. I have considered taking my life on occasion but only fleetingly, and at the time I felt that I couldn't put my family through the resulting mess. However, if I was desperately ill, I wouldn't be able to think in those terms at all. DD2 has said since that she wanted relief from the terrible emotional pain and turmoil she was in. Others did judge her: even those purporting to be friends, and their attitude made me angry for DD2 and at their lack of empathy. I'd never judge anyone for taking their own lives, or attempting to do so. Sufferers need help, not censure.
Each time I hear that someone else has taken their own life, I feel terribly sad for the loneliness, desperation and emptiness they must have felt just prior to doing it. It's truly awful that anyone should have to suffer alone in that way.

I think that too, Rowantree about the terrible loneliness these people must feel - desolation! I have a friend who lost two children to suicide. She says she thinks it took a great deal of courage, which is one way of coping with the sorrow, about which she never speaks.

I wasn't going to post on this thread as I too suffer with depression, I have at times thought about ending my life but am too much of a coward. I am now much better than I was but have complete sympathy for anyone who is so deep in the dark pit of despair that the only way out they can see is to kill themselves.

So glad to hear you are feeling better sunseeker. I totally understand the utter despair- although maybe not totally in as much as, having had very dark and difficult moments myself, I've never suffered from true depression. But if a mother with vulnerable children feels they have no other way- surely they would ensure that the children would not find her.

Different of course for a very elderly parent with adult children (even though that must still be so awful).

Ok. I did n't really want to talk about this here, but still.

My mother took her own life when I was nineteen. There was only her and me at home, no father, no siblings. I was, of course, completely overwhelmed with grief. I loved her so much, and I know she loved me. I cried on and off for years. I never thought to blame her. It has only been in the last two or three years, in my seventies, that it has occurred to me that perhaps it was, in part, a selfish thing to have done. I would never have thought so at the time. Then, there was just the dreadful, incredible, finality of death.

That doesn't lessen the love of her, or the gratitude for the lovely childhood she, and my grandmother, gave me. She was the best mother anyone could have wished for.

I am sorry if my previous post seemed unkind, and upset any other posters.

Oh, jingl

ditto

That is so much sorrow for anyone to bear alone jingl but at 19 specially hard I think

jingl

Jings Talking about it on here is one of the best things you could have done. I am not surprised you found any talk on the subject upsetting.

I feel for those of you who have experienced a suicide or attempted suicide and am glad you have been able to talk about it. My concern is also for all those who are unable to talk about it, they are very vulnerable.

jings I'm sorry that you had that dreadful experience . Really sorry for you.

Thanks to Soutra and Aka,as well as to others who have posted their personal experiences of deep depression and suicide. Apportioning blame for mental health problems is something we should avoid, we have no idea what struggles have led to substance misuse, anxiety, depression or self harm.

Aka and Soutra, and others .

Thank you for the kind posts. for you too.

to all of you who have had to endure such sadness. I can only imagine

So many very sad experiences on here. It's not easy to reveal these things, so to everyone else who's opened up a little.

for all of you who have suffered through this. My brother didn't have a partner or children just us siblings who were devastated. I think these days he could have been helped, there wasn't much around in the '70s.

jingl I am so sorry for what you and others have gone through.

As someone who has recently had a suicidal relative this is all too close to home at the moment.
to others who have had experiences.

Jingle, I owe an apology, and here it is. I'm sorry for posting without having read your post about your mother. I would have included you in my thanks for those brave enough to have shared their own experiences of losing a loved one to suicide.

I have not lost a close relative to suicide, but I have had experience of close friends who have. My children's high school had 5 suicides in as many years, all boys, all around either gcse or a level exam or result times. One of the young men was particularly close to our family, and all were in the same year group as our own children. I empathise with Jingle's feelings about her mother's suicide. A young woman we're very close to, lost her father to suicide recently. He left a note for her. You can imagine how hard this has been for her, and her mum.

Nothing to apologise for Iam.