Suicide? Selfish ?

It seems we have all had family members/friends/neighbours who have been tragic suicides. That's how common it is, and yet it's rarely talked about.Any 'selfishness' is seen by the family left behind because they are angry in their grief.Later, they will know it wasn't selfishness at all, just despair.Unbearably sad.

To all who have posted bravely on this thread
I can't find the words but am feeling for you.

How terrible for all those of you who have had family members commit suicide. I don't know how you cope with the feelings it must invoke.
I don't think suiciders are selfish, just desperate to bring an end to their despair for whatever reason. What a terribly sad thing it is, and my heartfelt sympathy to everyone who has had to deal with this subject.

Jingl (((hugs)))

(((Hugs))) to all of you touched by suicide or suicidal thoughts

My grandfather found his father hanging from the bannisters. Pop was twelve and the eldest of six children. Their mother had died in childbirth and their father had employed housekeepers to look after the baby and the rest of the family but I presume his grief and the stress got too much for him. Pop never got over the shame and had no sympathy for people who put their family through the experience.

Thankfully things have change since the turn of last century!

When I've been in suicide mode I've been very very calm. Suddenly it all makes perfect sense. If I die it will be so much better for everyone else. My DH wouldn't be burdened by me anymore and could move back near his children. My daughters would inherit money and it would help to solve their money problems. I would gain oblivion and rest.

The perfect solution for everyone.

At the moment I'm not in suicide mode and I can see that my DH would be devastated and money wouldn't stop the grief my daughters would suffer.

Jings - that must have been so hard for you, to continue on your own .
Like many others on here, a member of my family attempted suicide once, TG didn't manage it.
But DH's brother did kill himself, in despair after a failed business. DH says it was his mother who was the most affected by this.

I think that is what people who have never experienced it don't understand vampirequeen - in that mindset, it does make perfect sense; no different to the way anorexics can look in the mirror and see a fat body when the rest of us see a painfully thin body or people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder see an ugly person looking back at them from the mirror when other people can see a very attractive person. The mind is a complex thing isn't it.

It's very sad when someone dies because they genuinely feel they're doing the right thing for everyone. They just can't comprehend the pain they'll leave behind because they don't feel that they have any value so won't be missed.

It has been very moving to read your responses, I struggled to understand why mum wanted to end her life, and now struggle to understand DiL, but your very honest and thought provoking responses, which have helped me to take a wider perspective,

There are so many searingly sad stories here but reading so many sensitive comments too. It makes me feel hopeful that something positive and helpful will come out of Robin William's much mourned suicide. I've suffered from the black dog certainly since I was 17 and probably before that so I know how slowly attitudes change. Thank God for forums like this.

In my opinion it is neither selfish or unselfish as that implies the ability to judge your actions in a rational way.

Severe depression and its outcomes are not something you can control although it can be treated and seeking treatment is essential. Believing you can control it often leads to people not seeking treatment and society suggesting that decisions such as Robin Williams sadly came to was one over which he had control does not help encourage people to seek help. They feel they should be able to help themselves.

Asking the severely depressed to think in the same way that a none depressed person does is about as reasonable as asking someone with a broken leg to walk in the same way someone without does.

There really is no point in judging the person who is gone. All our efforts should be spent in doing anything we can for those who are left.

To all who have felt suicidal or experienced the suicide of those close to them, ((hugs)) and love. It is a complex issue but it is important to remember thAt those suffering from severe depression are ill! The problem is that so many will not say how they are feeling or find it difficult to do so.

I used to be a Samaritan and listened to many with suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it helped for a while, but those with severe depression found it difficult to articulate how badly they felt. And yes, some of our callers did eventually kill themselves. vampirequeen you have mentioned one of the issues that I heard so often, the lack of self worth, the conviction that it would be better for everyone if they died.