How being estranged from our grandchildren impacts on our health.

So many posts on this forum are about this very problem, and the pain and distress expressed make me think that it would be a good thing for GPs to be aware of this in patients. It has never, thank goodness, happened to me.....not yet....but the very idea of being unable to see any of my DGS!

Not sure that it some cases it isn't psychological abuse/manipulation!

and ((hugs)) to anyone going through this.

Take heart lizzyr shortly after my dh passed away in 2012 my youngest son estranged himself from me and his two brothers.

I have posted a lot about this but to cut a long story short my ys believed himself to have been badly treated emotionally and financially after his dad passed away.

I heard nothing from him for over about 18 months - absolute silence. I didn't know what to do with myself but the doc put me on Valium and that helped to ease the pain.

I've stopped taking it now and my son is back in touch but not with his brothers.

I still feel very hurt by the way he treated me and can't really ever feel the same way about him or his wife again - but stay strong lizzyr things might resolve themselves - I really hope so.

If you feel too overwhelmed it always helps to talk to a GP.

I have recently become estranged from my son, daughter-in-law and grandson. I have always been a happy person and a bit of a Polyanna and for the first time in my life of more than 60 years I have the dark shadow of depression blighting my life. I used to exercise everyday, tokl care of my appearance, enjoyed being out and was interested in all sorts of things. Now it is even a struggle to write this, I feel so lethargic. A don't feel abused but used and discarded. I just would like parents to know the extreme emotional hurt that they can impart on their loving parents.

I do so agree about most GPs not knowing their patients these days. I've posted elsewhere about the importance of treating the whole person.

In my new practice the doctors seem to work part time hours and so can rarely get to know anyone really well.

I had the same GP for over 20 years and I didn't have to keep explaining things to him - miss that a lot because consultations only last about 10 minutes.

In France I believe grandparents have a legal right to see their grandchildren, Not sure how that works.

I do think that alienation is a form of abuse. It is harmful to the child, denying contact with absent parent and grandparents is distressing and cruel. It is seen as a form of abuse in USA I believe and so it should be. My grandchildren have been told horrendous stories about their father, all of which untrue and can do the psyche of the children no good at all. They grow up with a poor image of themselves and a lack of trust in the World.

No one is asking GP's to heal these breaches, just understand the distress that these situations are causing. GP's don't actually know their patients all that well .

In theory it sounds Ok but I suspect most GPs will secretly think that the grandparents have caused this breach. There is no proof either way.
In the 21st century we have an idealised idea of family life. In previous centuries families were businesses and were bound by surviving togethr better than alone.
Many families don't get on and your GP will know of hundreds, As to this particular case the grandson is 16 and if he loves and needs his grandparents he will find a way to see them. At that age they don't have much time for anyone but their peers - only in soap operas or Rosamunde Pilcher novels.

GPs know their patients and know that there is nothing they can do about it

Maniac; I used to work at our local surgery. I will certainly copy the letter and personally hand it to the doctors and explain why I'm doing so, especially as I've been in your position [albeit only for a short time but long enough to realise how painful it is] .

Thanks to all who have posted apologies,support and good wishes
I did feel upset about the first responses.
Yes we are just trying to increase awareness by GPs,politicians and anyone with influence.
We try to stay positive but every birthday,etc reminds us of the loss.
You could help by printing off the letter and delivering a copy to your surgery
-more likely to be read than an email.
Thanks you.

Gransupport I have already apologised to Maniac, and I apologise to you too, if what I said upset you.
However, if you post something like this on an open forum, the implication is that you are inviting other members to comment and express an opinion.
It's as well to bear in mind that just as with anyone else who posts on here, you might not like what you read.
But you shouldn't blame anyone who has merely expressed their opinion.

Thanks for posting in response gransupport.

Maniac, I don't get notification if pm's are sent to me. If that's the same for you, you may want to check your message box

When I posted the letter which is being sent out to all GPs surgeries to raise awareness, of the impact on health and well-being when we are being denied contact, I did so as requested by a member here.
I have to admit that when I read the first few responses, I spent many hours very upset, it was never my intention to annoy people, which I appeared to have done.
Maniac spoke to me today and said have you had a look at the forum, as she knew how it had effected me.
I am so pleased that I have now dared to take a peek.
What it does prove I think is that, we do need to raise awareness of the full impact being denied contact has on so many grandparents.
I have not had any contact with my grandchild for 8 years now, so know only too well how it effects all family members.
We have grandchildren being told that their grandparents have died, grandparents are having abusive communications from family members, grandparents who have false allegations made against them, to the extent that in the worst case scenarios grandparents can no longer face life without their grandchildren in their lives.
it is not all doom and gloom though, some grandparents are reunited and are working hard at rebuilding relationships.
Thank you for your comments.

Maniac I do hope you come back on this thread and read our messages of support and apologies from those who caused you pain

I totally agree that GPs should be made aware of the plight of estranged Grandparents. The trend these days is to address specific illnesses and not to take the well being of the whole person into account.

It's not just the grandchildren that estranged grandparents don't see but also of course their grown up children which is equally painful.

Maniac its obvious how the responses have upset you and I'm sorry if I contributed to your distress..
I can't imagine how distressing your situation has been and I hope that one day you will be reunited with your DGS.

Maniac I apologise too, if what I wrote caused you distress. I do sincerely hope that one day you will be reunited with your beloved DGS.

I've learnt from reading all the responses on this thread and I'm sorry that my response was thoughtless and seemed to dismiss your hurt (all of you who are denied contact).

"Maniac" Thankyou! you put the point across so well.
I am surprised at the lack of empathy from our own sex and generation.
All i can say is i hope that you never have to walk a mile in our shoes.

I can only imagine the sadness that grandparents feel if they are unable to communicate or see their grandchildren. I am sure it causes great upset which in turn can impact on general health. If this is an awareness raising exercise to help GPs better understand how this separation can impact on health it can do no harm at all and hopefully some good. Sorry for any grandparents in that sad situation.

Maniac

I can't begin to imagine how terrible this must be for you.

Is this going to the GMC as they perhaps could bring more awareness to politicians?

I appreciate that fact janeainsworth. I'm not stupid.

The letter has obviously been posted on here not because the originators believe it will in fact be read by GPs in this instance, but to put it before other grandparents. And perhaps draw support.

I wish them well with all their endeavours. It is indeed very sad.

Maniac
I am sorry that you do not have contact with your DGS and I am sure that will impact on your health because stress does have an adverse effect mentally but also physically.

I don't know what the manifestos of the various political parties contain about this - they will all say what they want you to hear, of course, at the moment - but I think the more awareness there is the better.

However, I would have thought most sympathetic GPs will already be aware of the impact such distress will cause and perhaps lobbying other bodies who can pressurise a future government might be a good way forward.

A lot of Gp's live in quite a closetted world [bit like MP's sometimes] in which they don't always get to understand the wider picture, and a good GP would surely welcome information that could help them understand their patients problems more. For example,I worked for a doctor for many years that could eat all day every day without putting an ounce of weight on and never had any sympathy with anyone that had issues with their weight. It took losing contact with my grandchildren for three months to make me understand how distressing it is .

Can I ask something?

Is this letter to help GPs think about this issue when seeing a patient, in case the patient is too embarassed to tell the GP themselves?