How being estranged from our grandchildren impacts on our health.

I agree that it does have an impact on our health when our children stop us seeing the grand children but don't think a doctor can help. Taking pills isn't the answer, perhaps mediation? I really don't know because all our circumstances are different. I do get angry though when I see grandparents send cards and presents to their grandchildren as this just riles their parents even more. Building a bridge with their parents is the first step and can't be rushed...

jenty I agree with your first sentence. Doctors cannot and should not be expected to have all the answers. Nor do all the answers lie in "a pill for every ill".

I agree with both posts that GP's don't have all the answers.. there are many traumatic situations as well as estranged grandchildren that people of all ages find themselves in why should Grandparents be a special case? it can't be expected that GP's have the answers to everyones problems..

I don't like the way that the letter refers to alienation as abuse.
It isn't, IMHO.
It may be an extremely distressing and severe breakdown in communication, but it is not the same as a child or vulnerable adult being deliberately physically, sexually or emotionally abused by someone who has power over them.
I feel that any GP worth his or her salt would uncover any underlying causes of anxiety and depression during a consultation.
I will look out on Facebook for Dr Rant's response

It's good to read the comments in response to gransupport's post. I would be very worried if the break down in a relationship between adult children and their parents was labelled as 'elder abuse'. I am not saying abusive adult children don't exist by the way.

How many doctors read Gransnet?

jingl The OP says it's an open letter to doctors. I assumed it was being publicised somewhere other than Gransnet, or possibly being circulated to GPs by NHS England, along with all the other crap things they have to wade through.

I find this a strange thing to write a letter to a GP about. When a doctor treats a patient he/she takes into account any problems they are having at the time of treatment. Are these people asking for extra or special treatment because they are having family issues ?

I am so upset and sad .Maybe the comments are from GNs who have not known the heartbreak of Denied Contact with grandchildren.
The letter to GP is not asking for solutions but giving information and drawing attention to the plight of grandparents denied contact- to raise awareness in GPs that some of their patients may be experiencing this and being affected mentally and physically.

The letter was drafted with the approval and cooperation of a GP.
My own GP expressed appreciation when I gave her copies on a visit this week (persistent sore throat).
She has been sympathetic and supportive for over 3 years but not all GPs are so well informed.

GPs are often consulted when a parent applies to Family Court.My son’s application in Nov 2011 was affected negatively by a letter to CAHMS from a young GP who quoted statements about him from the mother..Some of these were false allegations. He was unaware of these before the court and given no chance to refute them.-contact was refused!
When he later complained to the surgery he was told that the doctor ( a trainee GP) had left the practice,that she should have added the word ‘alleged’ and he was given a grudging apology !!

I shall be 84 next month.Have been denied all contact with my grandson for 4 years –after 10 years of happy times .He will be 16 this year but there is no response to attempts to build bridges with his mother and step-father.

Please don’t dismiss our attempts to bring greater awareness of this situation –to GPs,politicians and anyone with power to change things for us and our grandchildren .
I do hope it never happens to you.

.

Can I ask something?

Is this letter to help GPs think about this issue when seeing a patient, in case the patient is too embarassed to tell the GP themselves?

A lot of Gp's live in quite a closetted world [bit like MP's sometimes] in which they don't always get to understand the wider picture, and a good GP would surely welcome information that could help them understand their patients problems more. For example,I worked for a doctor for many years that could eat all day every day without putting an ounce of weight on and never had any sympathy with anyone that had issues with their weight. It took losing contact with my grandchildren for three months to make me understand how distressing it is .

Maniac
I am sorry that you do not have contact with your DGS and I am sure that will impact on your health because stress does have an adverse effect mentally but also physically.

I don't know what the manifestos of the various political parties contain about this - they will all say what they want you to hear, of course, at the moment - but I think the more awareness there is the better.

However, I would have thought most sympathetic GPs will already be aware of the impact such distress will cause and perhaps lobbying other bodies who can pressurise a future government might be a good way forward.

I appreciate that fact janeainsworth. I'm not stupid.

The letter has obviously been posted on here not because the originators believe it will in fact be read by GPs in this instance, but to put it before other grandparents. And perhaps draw support.

I wish them well with all their endeavours. It is indeed very sad.

Is this going to the GMC as they perhaps could bring more awareness to politicians?

Maniac

I can't begin to imagine how terrible this must be for you.

I can only imagine the sadness that grandparents feel if they are unable to communicate or see their grandchildren. I am sure it causes great upset which in turn can impact on general health. If this is an awareness raising exercise to help GPs better understand how this separation can impact on health it can do no harm at all and hopefully some good. Sorry for any grandparents in that sad situation.

"Maniac" Thankyou! you put the point across so well.
I am surprised at the lack of empathy from our own sex and generation.
All i can say is i hope that you never have to walk a mile in our shoes.

I've learnt from reading all the responses on this thread and I'm sorry that my response was thoughtless and seemed to dismiss your hurt (all of you who are denied contact).

Maniac I apologise too, if what I wrote caused you distress. I do sincerely hope that one day you will be reunited with your beloved DGS.

Maniac its obvious how the responses have upset you and I'm sorry if I contributed to your distress..
I can't imagine how distressing your situation has been and I hope that one day you will be reunited with your DGS.

I totally agree that GPs should be made aware of the plight of estranged Grandparents. The trend these days is to address specific illnesses and not to take the well being of the whole person into account.

It's not just the grandchildren that estranged grandparents don't see but also of course their grown up children which is equally painful.

Maniac I do hope you come back on this thread and read our messages of support and apologies from those who caused you pain

When I posted the letter which is being sent out to all GPs surgeries to raise awareness, of the impact on health and well-being when we are being denied contact, I did so as requested by a member here.
I have to admit that when I read the first few responses, I spent many hours very upset, it was never my intention to annoy people, which I appeared to have done.
Maniac spoke to me today and said have you had a look at the forum, as she knew how it had effected me.
I am so pleased that I have now dared to take a peek.
What it does prove I think is that, we do need to raise awareness of the full impact being denied contact has on so many grandparents.
I have not had any contact with my grandchild for 8 years now, so know only too well how it effects all family members.
We have grandchildren being told that their grandparents have died, grandparents are having abusive communications from family members, grandparents who have false allegations made against them, to the extent that in the worst case scenarios grandparents can no longer face life without their grandchildren in their lives.
it is not all doom and gloom though, some grandparents are reunited and are working hard at rebuilding relationships.
Thank you for your comments.

Thanks for posting in response gransupport.

Maniac, I don't get notification if pm's are sent to me. If that's the same for you, you may want to check your message box