cancer

Ethelbags, I am in a similar place to you in that I have secondary breast cancer that came back after 12 years in my bones and a lung. I have been treated for just over two years now. My oncologist told me first that it is incurable but treatable so in other words they do their best to stabilise it by treatment. I have had many early hours where my head is just spinning with thoughts. I can't say I have any answers for you but I do try to put myself in a positive place and I know that all possible is being done for us. Treatments have come on leaps and bounds in the past few years. McMillan Nurses are very good and give you advice. They also have places that you can go and meet others in the same situation where thay have chats (and lots of laughter I blelieve). It might be worth getting in touch with them.

Good luck Ethbags, I do hope you can find something that gives you more peace of mind.

thank you sherish,, hope you are ok, my friend has secondary breast cancer came back after 30 odd years and its in her bones and other places, she is very determined and has just had a hip replacement as she was in danger of having a broken hip due to the tumour. She is so positive I just cant believe it.
I just don't like talking to others such as nurses, Im ok talking to gnetters as I can switch off when I like but I hate it when the hospital phones about anything, I shake and sweat as I have this phobia. Ijust want to jump out of my skin and run away sometimes.
I having op in 2weeks so any advice is welcome from anyone.

many of you have suggested music as a help, well I play new age music and chants and I find it does help but thinking about an operation is scaring me witless. Some of you may remember when I had the colonoscopy, I was peeing myself (literally) on the day but it was not too bad but I only have horrific memories of pain and horrible nurses from a previous op. I have to stay in for a week too, I will hate not getting nay fresh air...... it just goes on and on I wish I could wake up and it be all over. the only consolation is that they would not operate if there was no hope at all of at least a decent quality of life. I want to go tree climbing with my little DGD.

Do remember that you are talking to people on here and you don't shake and sweat but there are surprising numbers who are or have been nurses. No difference. When they phone imagine them as a friendly gransnetter who has your best interests at heart. Have they been quite clear on what your op is? If you want to say and please don't think I'm pushing you to say but I wouldn't be surprised if someone has had a similar op. Good wishes.

Im having my tumour removed and nearby lymph glands. Some however they cant remove so I will have to have more dreaded chemo.

ethel keep your eyes focused on when you return home and building up your stamina to if not tree climb (blimey that's a bit ambitious given our age!!!) at least having a giggle with your DGD. Think of the summer and warm balmy evenings. Try and relax and go with the flow.

I think whitewave is right in that thinking oneself into a place that is after the surgery is a good plan. But not easy to do, I know. I am sure we all understand how hard it is to have something going around in one's head - so hard to make it go away.

As I have said before I have a friend who had her bowel cancer removed and it was a very successful operation.

Do you have a date yet?

You're very brave, Ethelbags, and glad it helps to ask about your worries on here.
Like Mishap, I know of someone who had an operation for bowel cancer, and it was successful.
Do you have support from family and friends?
As for those awful night-time worries, I would ask your med. advisors if you can have something to help you sleep - you need rest to stay strong.

Having nightmares thinking im gonna have complications.wish it was time to get up. 6am not a good time to worry

I'm sorry to hear you're have a difficult night, Ethelbags. But you're not alone. I'm here sending you positive thoughts and hope that a bright morning brings you some relief. Maybe you could get up now, drink some tea, and rest again later on when it's daytime and everything seems a bit more manageable.

Try not to worry Ethel. Things always look worse in the early hours. You are not on your own.

I made tea then had a sleep. Im fine now.trying to forget for now and enjoy the next few days

Hey whitewave, tree climbing is not out of bounds yet even at our ages. The other day I took DGD up a tree (not to high ) and we sat on a branch and I told her I love trees and we will do higher ones as she gets bigger. We tree hug too as I believe trees have a spirit that I can feel as I get nearer. My trees are my babies and I know the history of them all, when I planted them as babies and which ones are strong and which are poorly, I have a weak leylandii at the minute which I may have to remove but I feel bad if they have to be cut down.
So post operation and some weeks hence I will be up a tree again, I also want to go to a belly dancing class (providing the belly is recovered) in September. Now you think Im completely mad but I refuse to grow old like an old lady, I want to grow older just being myself and doing what I want. b......s to the cancer.

Go ethel go! Blimey I couldn't see me tree climbing. Love your affinity with trees. Mind you if the leylandii was strong it would probably be 50ft by now so be thankful for small mercies. I am just off to bed feeling cold - must be the shock of the day I think - in case you haven't seen the thread I had my handbag stolen today - b----s!

Hope to speak before you go into hospital - when is that? Have an excellent night

xxx

The wee small hours are always the worst when everything seems magnified. I have a friend who gets up and makes tea and toast, another who goes on the internet (perhaps GN?) but I lie and worry which is daft really.

If they can remove the tumour and those lymph nodes that they can access, then perhaps the chemo to treat the rest will not be so strong? There are always new treatments coming along and I hope one is suitable for you and you can be prescribedit. You could always enquire if there are any trials of new drugs which you could join after your operation.

should be a tree but there isn't one.

ethel - you know I'm thinking of you

I too sometimes find myself in that dark lonely place. Probably not as immediately serious as your situation but with a big unknown. One day I may feel up to writing about it, but not yet.
I cope by keeping myself as well as I can, healthy diet, exercise so I'm physically tired at the end of the day and yoga helps me to focus on the now and not the future. I think that if I can keep myself as well as possible then I will be in the best position to fight should I need to. I might be kidding myself but at least I feel I'm doing something positive. Don't forget the power of the mind, visualisation techniques, don't imagine the cancer cells invading, think about your immune system and the chemo fighting back.
I try to do all the things that you should do to get a good nights sleep. Not too much caffeine, screen time etc etc. but if I wake up then I go with it, make a hot drink and listen to the radio. Maybe if I'm very tired then I'll have a short nap in the daytime but not too late or too long.

Then I remember my much younger cousin who died of a heart attack without warning. None of us can be sure of tomorrow, today is too precious to waste worrying what may be.

I am using hypnotherapy to help with my hospital phobia, I use aromatherapy oils to help relax, crystals and gems to helo with viusalisatoin. I do need some new age music to play though so I will have to download some soon.
I have a week to go (till the op)I am grateful for all your supportive comments and feedback.

This week must seem so long for you. I hope that all your techniques will help you to get through it and send all good wishes to you for your surgery.

Oh ethel it is such a difficult time, as well I know. I felt cold, in body and mind as I waited for the cancer operation - wanting it to be gone but so frightened. I can't do anything useful for you, but I do send my best, best and most hopeful wishes to you.

Keep posting - we are here.

ethel just try to focus on your tree climbing and your DGD {{hug}} and dont feel alone and worried, there is always someone about on GN.

If it's any help, ethel, I felt absolutely fine after both my ops for breast cancer, and recovered really quickly. I know your cancer's different, but the 'built-in' pain relief works really well these days.

Chemo was a different matter, but you've already experienced that and survived - you will get through this, it's do-able!

Ethel My best friend, 74 this year, has just recovered from her second cancer. First was fallopian tube and then breast cancer, with double mastectomy. She runs rings round me, is full of beans, and looks wonderful.
She had three lots of chemo, went everywhere with no hair and shamelessly played the cancer card to get what she wanted in shops and restaurants!
She still runs her own very successful business, the workmen she employs call her Miss Whiplash!

So, don't worry, there can be a full life afterwards.

having a bad day, had pre op tests and I just could not cope, I just feel so helpless in a hospital, I cant describe it. I hate the thought of losing control when going under the anaesthetic and absolutely hate the thought of being dependant on others to help me afterwards. I am spiralling towards next week, on a rollercoaster and cannot get off. I have to face nurses who will come to my home, phone calls from hospital and goodness knows what else when I come home. I just feel like packing a bag and disappearing like hundreds of people do every day, I would just live my life out in peace (I wont do this don't worry). I will report for duty next week at the hospital and like the last time I will cry all day until I go home. I cant even drive past the hospital without cringing. I don't want to be like this. Someone said today she loves going to hospital as its like a holiday, I think I would rather have the holiday not the hospital.

I read all your stories about friends recovering from cancer and I too have someone like that, she will not listen if I moan and tells me off. She went into remission for 32years and it came back a year ago she is now in hospital but will not give in, I don't know how she does it, I don't have the strength to do it.