Reaction to a diagnosis

What a hard decision to take, but all I can say is that we are all different and the choices we make have to be the right ones for us.
I can only speak for myself. But for your friend.

I don't think any of us know how we would react until we are given such bad news. I am a real panicker but when my DH was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year, I was calm and collected and we just got on with it. I was surprised by my reaction.

It's entirely her decision. I expect she will have been advised what grade it is and how aggressive - or not - it is.

Sometimes chemo is not always the best option, depending on her age and general fitness.

I can't help thinking about the women who are diagnosed at thirty or so years younger than this lady.
Most must be horrified at the side effects and of course the initial diagnosis. I'm sure 99% of them would do what ever it takes to survive. Loosing your hair in your 70's seems nothing compared to a young 40 something.
Entirely her decision of course and she may change her mind but I'd choose life not looks.

I have lost all my hair to alopecia, it will never grow back. I can understand this lady's concern and fear but after her (hopefully successful treatment) her hair will grow back. Little consolation I realise.

She will not know until after surgery which should be next week. The surgeon said that at the moment they are anticipating a lumpectomy,radiotherapy and Tamoxifen or similar but it all depends on if/how invasive it is.

Sometimes our initial reaction is simply because we have no idea how to react. She may feel differently when she has had time to think but it does look like no time is being lost. I think I read somewhere that they have to offer everyone surgery to reinstate (don't think that is the right word).

Many years ago I caught German Measles when I was 8 weeks pregnant. The doc baldly stated that I would have to have a termination and I immediately reacted with a shout of NO! I think it was great that he was so blunt about it because he got my true feelings and I didn't have the abortion. This of course is the opposite to what I said in the first para.

It depends on the type of breast cancer whether or not she is making a wise decision but it is her decision to make.

This article in Time Magazine this week is very interesting.

Thanks for the link Anya.

Arimidex (anastrozole) is considered as good as, or more effective than, tamoxifen by some consultants.
It is worth your friend discussing that as an alternative after her initial treatment (if she decides on any).

I have had five years of Tamoxifen and five of Letrozole (very similar to Anastrozole) after a lumpectomy. No radiotherapy of chemotherapy. So far, no recurrence.

It may well be that your friend won't need any of the things that cause her hair to fall out. She won't know until the samples have been examined after surgery, and she can make up her mind after that.

According to Mark Porter in The Times breast cancer is cured 40% with radiography 50% with surgery and10% with drugs. It's not the half your chest and underarm as it was in my GM's day.

None of us knows until it happens, a very individual decision.

Many years ago the daughter of my father's cousin, a 35 year old mother of three young children, was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. She flatly refused all treatment because she couldn't face loosing her hair.
She died aged 36.

Thankfully treatment nowadays is far more refined than then.

Most chemotherapy still causes hair loss, though.

Poor woman

Not meaning to be flippant, but would she consider at all looking at glamourous/expensive wigs, assuming there are such things?

I'd very much I hope I would wear my hair loss with fighting pride, with a bright coloured scarf or something. And I would much prefer to have full mastectomies and make sure they take it all out, than a lumpectomy, if there was any doubt. I love life just too much and I would, hopefully, find the strength to fight the bug**r like hell, and hopefully win.

But then if it did recur when much older, and an honest direct frank discussion with the surgeon/oncologist told me my chances of a second recovery were slim- I do think I would then refuse all treatment, make the very best of the time left and then make my exit gracefully. I hope- but one can never ever know how we would feel if it did come to be.