S.U.M.O.

Well I would be put off by half of those and the strange metaphors involved. And I quite like a bit of Que sera, it sometimes helps when things get too much for you.
I think the thing your GCs need is the reassurance that their father still loves and cares for them (and Skypeing must help). That their mother will manage without his support and that they can come to any of you and tell you when they are feeling low. Your family will get through this.
A good analogy is a rollercoaster. There are times in life when you are really high up and then you suddenly drop down, feel your heart is torn out of you and you are really low. You do slowly go up again and sometimes there is a level bit. The climb up can be very slow sometimes but it does happen.
Extended family can be a great help with things, providing all sorts of support and care, simply by being there.

Thankyou all for your comments and I am sharing your caution the more I read. It is too complex for the younger one. MyD lives 300 miles away but we speak most days so I will tell her of my concerns.

Thank goodness people have started to omit the ridiculous 'D' in front of everything - I can understand now, so much better, what we are all on about!! Thank you!

It's a true saying though isn't it, annsixty, 'This too, shall pass'?
It's what we have to deal with while we wait for it to pass.
However, just being able to talk things through with your daughter will help you both no end, and the fact that their dad is in contact with them by Skype as much as he is, is very important (to all of you).

I'm sorry about your break up. Children are the toughest people imaginable. They get all sorts of knocks, throughout life. Most of them overcome it and move on. Unfortunately some don't. You can only do the best for your children, that you possibly can.

Thanks, baubles, have printed that out and am pretty sure I will find it helpful as I do get anxious about 'stuff' and my family is a complicated/blended one.

Radicalnan a good counsellor will never allow someone to be stuck in the same place. It is important to get the client to discuss the trauma whatever it is to allow them to get to grips with the situation, but it is vital that the counsellor assess when the client is ready to make moves forward and help them to develop a strategy for doing this. This is a crucial part of the counselling process.

I agree that the SUMO approach seems a bit brutal for young ones when it is likely that they don't have all the information they need to understand what is happening.

When DGS2 (aged 5 at the time) told his teacher that he was very sad because daddy had moved out and he didn't know why, she immediately contacted DD and alerted her to this. With the help of the school counsellor, DD explained things and helped him to come to terms with the situation. He seems to be pretty cheerful and balanced now. He sees his dad at least 3/4 times a week which helps, although his father can be very nasty about DD at times.