Someone's come for my dad.

Can't imagine how hard this must be for both of you. ???

gilly

gillybob That is so sad. And so hard for you. x

Thank you for your kind wishes everyone. I do hope you don't think I am trying to hijack your thread in anyway rubylady I just couldnt see any reason to start yet another sad and miserable thread.

I wish I could stay away from work mumofmadboys and cornergran Sadly my DH and I run our own micro business and if I am not at work there will be no-one else to do my work (invoicing, paying bills, , dealing with suppliers and customers, paying HMRC, wages............ etc). My sister works in the NHS and has been told to stay off as long as she needs but she doesn't drive so still relies on me to do all the running around.

I am running in and out (doing the minium I can get away with) kittylester which will catch up on me very soon.

I'm so sorry to hear this gillybob. What a year you're having

ruby Hope that your boiler's sorted without any hassle and that your dog gets on all right at the vets. Why does everything always happen at once?

for you both and anyone else who is feeling sad

I know it's difficult for you to stay away from work gilly but it might be sensible so you don't slump afterwards. At least try to do fewer hours. It does seem so unfair that your mum should be dying at such a young age. and (((hugs))) for you.

Oh Gilly. Isn't it hard? I agree, it's more than reasonable to ask for some time away from work. Most GP's would understand. A friend is dying and the strain on his family is enormous, those who have needed it have been supported to have some respite from work. As one GP said, 'I can't take the situation away, I can take you away from work and give you time.' Sad for you, ruby and all in the same position. Please look after yourselves.

Gillybob what a horrible time you have had this last year! So sad for you. ((Hugs))

I'm sorry Gillybob. Could you not stay off work? Your Mum dies once. Work will always be there. I'm sure your GP would give you a sick note . You only need one once you have been off for a week. Your employer should be sympathetic and it sounds as if the end is near. Think of your Mum,dad and yourself and put your work ethic aside at the moment. Take care x

rubylady I can understand exactly how you must be feeling. I am going through a very similar situation with my mum. Advanced bone cancer (15 years after diagnosis) she has a severely broken leg, shoulder and arm. She also has kidney failure and has been unable to dialysise for over a week now. Today she is being released from hospital to home with a hospital bed in place and end of life care. Yesterday morning she asked to see her 2 grandchildren (my son and daughter) and spent a happy hour chatting to them both although they struggled to contain their distress. Doctors have said she only has days left to live and she is fully aware of this (which makes things so much harder to bear). She is being incredibly brave and has said that she is ready to go. I have almost lived at the hospital for the past few weeks although I cannot stay off work and having to do both is physically exhausting.
Last night her medication (delivered by a pump) was increased to such a level that she drifted in and out of sleep and talked a lot of nonsense followed by short snatches of perfect memories of holidays her and my dad had enjoyed in the past.

As many of you know I lost my darling grandma in September at the grand old age of 99 but my mum is only 74 and I feel so cheated and angry. She and my dad should have been still enjoying their retirement and planning new adventures together. I just feel so, so sad.

Trouble was, his mum and dad never really parented him. He was an only child, his mum declared she wouldn't do it again after him and she didn't. He got brought up by his grandma, but it could be her that has come for him.

I am having the boiler done tomorrow but I will be visiting again very soon, but now I am shattered and am off to bed to be up again in less than 5 hours.

Night all and thanks. X

Ruby I have been there too! So hard to see a loved one struggling through the end of life. The stretching out of arms is apparently very common towards the end. my mother did it a lot a few days before she died. I think she may have been reaching out for my dad who had died a year before. A nurse friend of mine said they call it 'reaching' and may be caused by the morphine causing hallucinations. It would be a comfort to think that your dad was seeing people he loved coming to help him pass.

Thinking of you at this difficult time

Thank you all so much, new tears. Although probably good to be getting it out. My head does hurt though. When my depression hits I take it minute by minute and I am worried that all this will either spark it off soon again or when the dust settles. Apart from the obvious of bubble baths, a drop of brandy, listening to some music, trying to read my book, what else could I try to get my head to relax a bit or will it be with me for a while yet?

On top of that,weI have to move stuff for an 8am start to have a new boiler fitted. And my doggie has to go to the vets too.

newnana Thank you for your lovely poem, it made me cry. I will write it down and maybe use it at his funeral, very apt, thank you.

So sad for you ruby - I do hope you can find time and energy to take care of yourself too...

Sending (((hugs))) and xx

We were very happy with the end of life care MiL had in her nursing home. The girls were mainly Nepalese and Fillipino and were very kinfd to her. We were kept well informed about what was happening.

Rubylady

If your dad is going into a nursing home it sounds as if he should be eligible to get continuing health care from the NHS.

ruby Maybe he has seen something/someone. When my nephew died (at 16 from leukaemia) the last thing he did before he died was lift his head from the pillow and give a thumbs up sign

Gentle {{{HUGS}}} ruby

When my Mum died I found this poem among her things. I thought someone must have given it to her after Dad died and I read it for her at her funeral. I gave it to a friend when her Dad died and her Mum liked it so much she had it read at his funeral. Then it was read again recently at her Mum's funeral. Reading it now makes me smile. I hope you like it too.

On the road that all must tread

You travelled on ahead

Out into the morning light

Out of reach and out of sight

But never very far away

For every night and every day

On the wings of memory

Something brings you back to me.


Some simple and familiar thing

Will start my head remembering

The times we had

The good, the bad

The days, the years

Sweet things and sad

A tune, a joke, a cup of tea,

Something brings you back to me

rubylady so sorry to hear that your results showed abnormal cells but hopefully they will have caught things really early and the treatment you mention will get rid of anything suspect. I hope that you get it sorted really quickly as it is best to have it done and dusted and out of the way.
You really don't need this on top of everything else! ((hugs))
Hope you will get some help for yourself too.

Just to mix it up a bit, I have just heard that I have high grade colposcopy result too! I have to have the Lletz treatment to get rid of it.

Sounds like there's lots going on for you just now ruby, I hope you find peace of mind in the decisions you have to make about your father and get good support from those around you too.

Yes, that is something to be very proud of rubylady - I hope that someone can tell that story in their eulogy. I am sure the minister/vicar will do that if you or your son feel unable to do it.

rubylady I know how distressing it is seeing your strong father lying in a hospital bed, so sick and frail. . It was so good that your mother was able to see him and kiss him.

They say that hearing is the last sense to go so it is an opportunity for you to talk to him and tell him how much he meant to you.

I think a hospice would be a good place, unless it is too difficult for you to get there.

Perhaps he has left some instructions for his funeral if he knew he was so ill? Don't think about it just yet, the vicar/minister and other people will be there to help and advise and see you through it when the time comes.