Someone's come for my dad.

A difficult time for you on so many levels ruby

My DM went into a care home for her last few weeks and they were absolutely amazing. We honestly could not have wished for kinder, more attentive staff. They knew she only had a few weeks to live when they accepted her.

It's the staff who matter, far more important than the surroundings (not if they place is really scruffy of course!!)

Hope you find the support you need

Ruby, is there no hospice near you? A hospice would be better than a nursing home for end of life care.

One of my dad's jokes:- There's only one thing better than one cup of tea - two cups!

Yesterday I repeated the joke, when it got to the "two cups" he held up two fingers. I like to think that he knew what I was talking about and not telling me where to go! He, momentarily, had the twinkle in his eyes though.

Thank you for all your lovely comments, I haven't stopped crying and being on the phone yet today. I will have to sort out his flat he has been living in, his belongings, his finances, pay his bills etc. I have made an appointment at the funeral directors where a wonderful woman has took me under her wing and we will be sitting down discussing things next week. Then, while my head is relatively straight, I can focus on what I want for him. I have been sorting out the music today, tears streaming, checking lyrics for anything inappropriate. He loved Ella Fitzgerald so I have chosen Dream a Little Dream of Me with Loius Armstrong. Along with ELO Mr. Blue Sky, which reminds me so much of him when I was a child.

It is hard because at times being my dad he could be quite hurtful and other times lovely so I have conflicting feelings sometimes although at the moment I would give anything just to be watching The Chase with him and having a brew.

I have phoned my mum and sister yesterday but received no call back. I text my brother, telling him but nothing, (he has never got on with my dad). I am left to do all this alone. My son has been very supportive, even though I do say on here he is awful sometimes, he has been fantastic over this. He likes my dad, gets on well with him. My daughter, I don't think, ever said two words to my dad, ever, so that relationship wasn't a goer nor with her two children. He's only ever seen photos of them. So, with a very disjointed family to deal with, it feels like a minefield to do the right thing informing/inviting people, newspaper announcement or who to include or not. I do want to do a newspaper announcement as he had a lot of workmates so I want them to have the opportunity to see it and to pay respects. He loved his work.

Can I just mention too, that he received a bravery award from the town we live in for going up against drug dealers wielding a samari sword, causing him a heart attack. This was in 2007 and, as I have no copy of it, have been on the phone to the newspaper for a copy of this article reporting it so that it can be framed for the funeral. Something to be proud of, don't you think?

My thoughts are with you rubylady - it's such a distressing time for close family to see a parent who was originally a carer reduced to the patient in need of care themselves. I did get my dad moved from the hospital when they said there was nothing more they could do for him - he didn't have cancer but he had dementia and would no longer eat or drink. We moved him back to the care home where my mum was - they were in rooms next door to each other but neither knew As it was only a few minutes from home I was able to spend time sitting with him and would put music on an iPod of all the stuff they used to listen to. It was both a heartbreaking as well as a peaceful time and I'm so pleased and blessed I had that time with him. You must do what you think is best for your dad but as has been said please look after yourself as well. As for the funeral when the time finally comes it's such a personal thing that only you and your family can decide what is best. My youngest son who was very close to his granddad stood and gave the most wonderful eulogy with both humour and sadness - it was the first time I'd ever heard anyone applaud at a funeral. He went out to Bring me Sunshine which was such a fitting song for his happy life. Take care

So sorry to hear of this sad situation.

You can look up the report on the nursing home that you have in mind - google CQC report on [name of home].

Sending you strength to help you through the difficult time
When my father was dying he could see people but they weren't family, he said he could see soldiers with guns.
Several family funerals have included humorous anecdotes and they were not out of place because they were part of who that person was.

My thoughts are with you Ruby

So sorry Ruby, this was my life last year with my dad in very similar situation.
I would just like to say that I have tried very hard too remember him as the man he was before his illness.
Hope that in time that is way you will also remember your father
At the funeral we spoke about his achievements in life
His sense of humour
And the love of his family, children grandchildren, great grandchildren and his friends
My sister and I wrote a short piece about our father that was read out.
We had a piper at the grave side.
All very personal to us
I'm sure Ruby that you will instinctively know how you want things to be regarding the funeral
[Hugs]

My heart goes out to you and your dad ruby I will be thinking of you. I hope who ever it is that he is seeing brings him love and comfort. I also hope that these little messages sent with love from us bring you a little comfort too.

Rubylady

Ruby

Ruby, resist the hospital urging you to move him. If the end is near they should just be making him comfortable. Anything else is cruel to you both.

I'm so sorry ruby. My thoughts are with you and your family

It's good that your dad can 'see' someone waiting for him, it'll give him comfort. My dad said his mother was waiting for him. So real in the end I could feel her too!

. Look after yourself Ruby.

Sad story, ruby. I hope he can be made comfortable in body and mind. Flowers for you both, and your mum .

What a sad time for you. So confusing with old memories and being brave for him.. I know,everyone's thoughts go out to you as many of us have had to say goodbye to our parents in similar circumstances.

My dad was like that too ruby
It's a very sad, upsetting time so please let it out by talking to us on here if you need to. ((((Hugs))))

I'd like to add ruby, that you must take care of yourself at this time too. When we were first told that mum only had a couple of days to live (6 weeks ago)my brothers and I, between us, spent all day with her. It was exhausting and I certainly not functioning properly. Make sure you don't expect too much of yourself and that no-one else does either.

A tough time for you, ruby. Stay strong

rubylady

for you ruby

Lots of virtual hugs ruby

A difficult time for you ruby I hope you have someone to help you, another family member or friend . My thoughts are with you, I hope GN is helping, it does for me.

Just a quick (((hugs))) ruby. My mum has been on end of life care for the last six weeks and her nursing home are being fantastic. Mum is seeing people too. It's quite disconcerting but she isn't distressed by it and one of the carers said that she is probably seeing people she loves and who love her and feels surrounded by love.

We are here if you need us!

ruby