Does 'venting your spleen' do any good?

Well,*Kitty*..... That's because you are you!

In an ideal world, the best thing to do is to be assertive and not aggressive, but it is hard when others really upset you or make you very angry. The danger then is that if you give vent to your anger, your words can have unintended consequences.

If you say nothing, you feel bad inside and it is very bad for your health and self-esteem. I have been wondering if the best solution is to have a pre-prepared "script".

My example is my sister, who is constantly showing off - usually about money in my case because she knows I haven't got much. Today it was "My daughter is making so much money that she's off to America again."

Should I say "Are you aware how often you show off - usually about money? I hate show-offs and I am not remotely interested in hearing what other people earn. Please don't bore me with this kind of stuff it anymore". Or is there a better script?

I will add that I had to suffer over 50 years of criticism from an abusive mother and had to put up with it in silence in order not to be cut out of the will. The strategy worked but I am left with overwhelming feelings if anger that could take years to get rid of.

I'm totally with the idea of writing the letter that is never sent. The wonderful freedom to get it all off the chest and to then bin the missive. I once lost my temper with my father over something which I now realise was trivial, he told me I had hurt his feelings, and I have never felt such a heel ! Far better to write down the horrid feelings, give them a day or two, and surprisingly, often one realises there wasn't a problem in the first place. Life is far to short to harbour resentment. And having said that, I am not a saint and am not pretending to be one.

Yesterday I 'vented my spleen' with 2 daughters, 1 brother, DH (again) and the matter is still rankling so I will have to talk to more offspring and then if that doesn't work, start on friends.

There should be a spleen rating system. My current issue probably ranks as a 10 person spleen vent!

I'm not big on venting, more of a low grade grumbler. On the rare occasions when I have really gone for it I have felt horrible for days after and have never really forgotten what I regard for me as bad behaviour.

DH doesn't have a spleen to vent.

I too am a wimp in these situations and fear that, once said, the words can never be taken back. As a result I have learned to bite my tongue (it's taken a long time) and be very guarded in what I say. There are times I would love to just let rip and tell certain people exactly what I think but that would have catastrophic effects. Instead I go and have a moan with friends who are in similar circumstances and that helps.

I maybe should clarify - I was venting my spleen to the people mentioned in my post not AT them.

Wouldn't like anyone to think I was venting at everybody!

Arghh Kitty vent away

Teetime, same here, I amy vent here on GN, but I am very careful in private life, especially with family who have very different views, re politics, etc. And DH is soooo British and doesn't have a spleen to vent either- just too polite and gentle.

I am realising that this thread ia about venting your spleen at people. I always connect the phrase with venting about something, but to someone else, not the perpetrator.

DD always rings me when she is furious about something and vents her spleen. I listen until the venting is over and then pour metaphoric tea down the phone line and we move on. I do somthing similar to DH, although that is usually face to face. When really worked up I go for a long walk while I steam inside, think of all the things I would like to say/do to the cause of my problems and gradually lower the tempreture until I feel safe to go home.

I learned when very young never to paint myself into a corner, so I do not think I have ever lost my temper and told someone to their face exactly what I think of them on anything. After a row like that apologies are so embarrassing and the whole event always leaves such a nasty flavour.