A little bit upset and a lot cross

GP!!!

Can you not tell him that dementia is just another word that covers his memory loss? (which he does seem to be aware of) Will he forget it fairly quickly anyway?
You could definitely have a word with the surgery about the insensitive wording of the letter too.

Oh dear that's a worry I suppose they have to correspond with the person involved unless they have had specific instructions not to ....they couldn't be writing or telephoning you if he had had a sexual disease for instance it has to be confidential to the person themselves but I can see where this is really really awkward for you and possibly upsetting for him .....Will he forget if you 'lose' the letter
In answer to your last query I don't think they would be allowed to ring you because of confidentiality

Yes, it would Ann but bureaucracy is rarely sensitive.
Is there a reason that he doesn't know, or did he know but has forgottn it? Such a rotten thing for anybody to get, but isn't knowing about your own condition better?

Sorry but I think you are cross and upset for no reason.
You say "perhaps a letter or phone call to you may have been kinder" but that Is what they did!
You say your husband opens everything so he would open that too.
You say he has dementia but does not know so he will forget what he's read anyway and i don't mean that sarcastically .
Sit down and take 10 minutes out and think about it logically.

He only knows he has no memory, if the word Alzheimer's is mentioned he asks what it is and .I just say it means you can't remember which he totally accepts ,and yes he has forgotten already.
. I still think It could have been handled more sensitively.

I do know I was reacting emotionally and not logically, I was still upset though.
Perhaps seeing it written down, is still a jolt to me. even after all this time.

Of course Ann ?Life must be so hard for you.I have heard dementia/Alzheimers as being described ( by the OH) as like a bereavement, and can well understand that.Have a word with your GP to ask for a phone call to you only, and not letters?

Annsixty, What was your husbands reaction? Was he very upset?

Yes seeing it written down can be devastating. I remember the first time I had to go to with my husband to the hospital. Walking with him down the corridor labelled Oncology was one of my worst moments. Silly. because we knew why he was there.
Very difficult for carers when all the protocols say that the patient is the first point of contact.

No loopyloo he wasn't, it was me and so yes IWBU
He didn't understand as usual but we hadn't used the word before, only Alzheimer's which some how I can explain away.

DH attended a ENT Consultant appointment back in May, first thing he said was "your GP thinks its cancer", DH said "oh, I was not told that!". consultant said "oh, yes, it says in the GP's letter that PATIENT UNAWARE of ? Diagnosis, so sorry, I should have read the GP letter first". Luckily tests and subsequent operation prooved to be 'all clear'. But it really was an avoidable senario.

Annsixty I daresay I would have had the same reaction as you whether that is reasonable or not - you are in a hard place and carrying an emotional weight for him. Your natural instinct is to be protective. These things come along and do jolt us.

GPs and other health professionals could sometimes benefit, I think, in thinking through how to impart some pieces of news. If you are your husband's registered carer, then better that you were contacted directly.

Sorry that this has been upsetting for you,

annsixty

Poor you Ann. It probably brought it home in a big way even though you know it's the case.

At the start of the carers courses the attendees are asked their name and who they are caring for. We inevitably get one or two tears when people actually acknowledge their role and the diagnosis.

Ann try not to be cross about this. Instead look on the bright side that at least he is being seen - even though it will probably not alter your sad situation much at all.

I would feel just as you did Annsixty tactless health professionals need to look at things from both the patient's and the "carer's" point of view. It is often the more junior the professional who needs to learn from their elders and seniors. I was stopped in the hospital corridor by an overconfident junior doctor a few weeks ago who suggested they "might be running out of options" with Paw and in that case "where did I think he would like to be"
Floored me! Both the timing and the topic - not to mention the choice of place!
Yes the question of Palliative Care has arisen - but still theoretically and we will cross that bridge when we come to it. But I still maintain there are ways and ways of articulating things.
Our local Alzheimer's clinic is referred to as the Memory Clinic BTW
Perfectly acceptable.

The letter will have been generated from a computer search so no health professional will have been involved in the process I'm afraid.

If someone has dementia why is the doctor writing to them anyway? It is like writing to a baby to tell them they are due for a vaccination. The letter in each case should be addressed to the appropriate carer.

annsixty you are fortunate that your DH gives the letters to you. My uncle would open things, walk off and put them in a drawer or down the side of the settee to deal with later - and then completely forget about them.

For some reason he wouldn't have his occupational pension transferred directly into his bank account but wanted a cheque each month. When his wife became ill and I became his carer I found a years worth of pension cheques in his sock drawer.

My H thinks his occupational pension which is paid into his bank is sitting in a large box at the local branch. As he said to me "I don't spend any of it so it must be there."
Fortunately I have PoA so the bills do get paid.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such. Reality, in whatever form it hits us is difficult to face.

My mother has dementia. She tells me 'I don't seem to have any memory these days but at least I haven't got dementia.' The memory clinic wrote to tell her the diagnosis but it didn't sink in. Even if it did, she would forget. I don't worry about such letters because I now realise she won't really take it in.

I think 'dementia' is a very poor choice of words. To me, and probably others, it brings to mind someone leaping round all over the place completely out of control. 'mad, insane, deranged'.
I wish the Health authorities would change it.
No wonder you were upset, Ann.

Oh, nanabilly, if it were as easy as this. I hope you never have to deal with a situation such as annsixty does. We all know we should be patient, but reality is not always possible.

Annsixty, I think you should try to have some time to yourself occasionally - again, as I know, not an easy option.