How do you not feel shame in taking anti-depressants long-term

My Dr once explained depression and the threads of it to me like this: it is actually a physical problem to start with. We have all these tiny hormonal balls in our body.

They gently bounce around as they are supposed too. Life's circumstances mean they may start bouncing a little less. Then life rights it's self. For some they are fine. It also depends on how many things, life etc. happen that can affect you emotionally and out little bouncy hormonal balls.

Like anything the more than happens to the bouncy balls the more out of sorts thet become. This helps drain the brain of the correct amount of balance it needs to function properly. The depression etc then sets in.

I dont know your age or background. Time you were born and how you were brought up also has a way on how we think. It's about acceptance too. I am on anti ds for life. Going on them in 2003 due to PTSD and threads. I have had to with through all this in therapy too

No one else else is ashamed of you. You need to change how you think and feel about this as it only affecting you.

I am open about it with myself and my 2nd son who is bipolar. How do you feel about others being on them? Bet you would say the total opposite to a friend who went on them than the negative rules you place on yourself

I hold my hands up to all those who have pointed out my misconceptions and unreservedly concede that your greater knowledge of illness and medications, due to your having or knowing people who suffer depression/anxiety etc, places you in a far better position to give advice. I'll make sure not to comment about things which have never affected me. I now feel embarrassed about never having been ill or on meds...??

alovelycupoftea I am on exactly the same medication as you and know that I need to be on it. Having suffered 3 major depressive episodes which, let me assure anyone who has not been through it is not just feeling a bit down, I am just thankfull that the wonderful Dr who treated me during my 3rd episode managed to prescribe medication that cured and suited me.

No shame in taking medication for an illness, especially when the meds are doing what they are supposed to do - helping you to cope each day. We all have things that 'prop us up' whether that is friends & family, prescribed medication or something else. I've been taking anti-depressants for 15+ years and, like you, have had moments of doubt or tried to come off them, but I do need them so continue to take them. My partner has also been taking them for about 6 years and has had major depression bouts on the few occasions he has tried reducing his dose or stopping them. Life can be bloody tough and if a daily dose of medication can help make it a little less hard and allow you to live a more 'normal' existence then shame should not enter into it. I just try to be honest with myself and this includes medications I need (over the years I have had lots of meds that I have stopped, changed, reduced etc and have settled for a lot less than I have previously taken, meaning now I just have pain meds, HRT, anti-depressants, and, fairly recently, thyroid pills - the others are all long-term). You know what you need. You are certainly not pathetic and not alone in this - I wish you well for the future.

Well said GabriellaG Now don't you go getting embarrassed about having good health. I sincerely hope that life allows you to continue in this happy state.

My daughter has severe fibromyalgia Paddyann and several other conditions. She also takes a cocktail of drugs none of which alleviate the pain. Each consultant feels the need to change her medication so she spends weeks coming off one tablet before starting a new one - with lots of side effects. She has just come off pregabalin and doubled her dose of topimarate. The pain is no better but she worries that her liver is being compromised by all the drugs. She knows more about all her conditions than most of the medical profession.

Thank you Granny23.

a nice cup of tea please don't feel guilty about taking ADs. You need them just as someone else needs to take medication for high blood pressure for example. My DH has to take a high dose of ADs and accepts he will have to take them for life as he was was diagnosed with PTSD two years ago. Before this his behaviour got to be unbearable and we split up and he returned to England. I had asked him to see the doctor for several years before this as I thought he had depression. When he became suicidal a doctor there put him on ADs and when he was diagnosed with PTSD he had to take a higher dose. He also had counselling which helped him. Now I have my loving husband back and I am so grateful for those ADs.

What a hopeful and encouraging post *DaisyBoots Thank you for sharing.

alovelycupoftea, I have been taking antidepressants for the same amount of time as you and I feel no shame whatsoever. A childhood which was very unstable, a family history of mental health problems and undiagnosed depression from puberty until I was in my 30's made anti-depressants a life saver. I also have a damaged spine from my teens and I don't feel ashamed if I need to pop a pain killer either if they are necessary. A chemical imbalance or nerve pain are something I cannot help so I don't feel ashamed. If you do, maybe that is something you need counselling about?
I have twice tried to come of anti-depressants. Once after the menopause when I wondered whether I needed them as my hormones weren't swinging all over the place. More recently when my libido was through the floor and I wondered if I could change them for something which may not batter it so much. Both times have been a complete disaster despite doing everything the Drs asked. I won't be doing it again in a hurry!
Please don't come off them because of "shame" but because you don't need them, if you choose to do so.

General (and genuine) question - does one/do you experience emotions when taking anti-depressants?

alovelycupoftea I’ve been taking Venlaxafine for about 20 years now, since I went through the menopause. My GP says he has no problem with me taking the dose I’m on (150mg daily) and knowing how quickly I’ve become unstable when I have tried to come off it, I’m happy to keep taking it. There’s no disgrace in needing help to cope with an illness, however long this may be for.

Well of course you do. Still feel sadness (but not hopelessness) and Happiness (which is elusive when depressed) and everything in between - anger, frustration, love, laughter. I think you are thinking about Tranquillisers which are known to dampen down extreme emotions.

Grannyknot , I still experience emotions but I don't have the emotional swings I used to. Now I can take a more considered, less knee-jerk approach to life. The trouble with emotional swings is they affect everyone around you so that causes more problems which then causes more anxiety and depression. It really is a vicious circle. I started taking them initially because of PMT when my 3rd husband coerced me into going to a Dr before I sabotaged that relationship too. It was an amazing change to my life which has resulted in a stability I never thought possible. That was when I realised how badly I had been affected from puberty onwards which makes it sound like it was hormonal but when I started taking HRT, I came of them and found many of the symptoms returned. As my late brother and sister were both diagnosed as bi-polar, I wonder whether I was similarly but less badly afflicted.

Wowee, everyone, thank you so much for all the support & advice. I have been out all day & am shattered but will read them all properly in the morning. I certainly have no intention of going cold turkey or anything like that so no need to worry ! It seems that there are lots of us in the same boat, so I send you all my love and big hugs. Xx

41 years ago I was put on high doses of Valium for anxiety and anorexia nervosa which the doctors said I was suffering from. I took the tablets for 13 long years whilst working full time and bringing up my son. I knew myself when the time was right and stopped them cold turkey against the Doctors advice. Fortunately I did not suffer withdrawal symptoms. Over the years I have had a two relapses lasting only a few months at a time. I went straight for the medication and would do any time I need to. Don’t be ashamed..do what you have to do.

GabriellaG I agree with Granny23 that it wouldn't help me to go over the causes of my anxiety. I had it as a child caused my a father who made his dislike of me very plain and being the family scapegoat. Then I had a series of problems cumulatively serious enough to lead to what verged on PTSD, combined with a difficult menopause at 44 and then illness which caused difficulties in keeping my business going but having to because I had a trainee on a contract which I thought it would be unfair to terminate but continuing when I was no longer coping then led on to financial difficulties so I had to sell my house and rent. I didn't want to go on benefits but by the time I needed to I wasn't well enough to deal with the system and ended up in hospital with malnutrition. It was only after that (about a month after I came out of hospital) that I started to take anti depressants for the first time.
I realise that having said that I didn't want to rake over things I have done it anyway but that is really as much detail as I would want to go into and there is nothing that can be undone and things have changed for the better now (although I could have done without our recent nightmare neighbour problem which the other neighbours asked me to deal with as they are too old/disabled/etc.)
I think this year will be better but I don't expect my anxiety to go away now, just to be kept in check.

Jaycee I think you'd have to have something wrong with you not to have been profoundly upset by the series of rotten things that have happened to you. I hope you get more help than just pills to help you to a better lifestyle. Good luck!

Jane10 Thanks. I am happy enough but prefer to be left alone as much as possible.
I don't think it is possible to have an emotionally abusive childhood and not have some level of depression during your life which is one reason that I think child abuse and child development needs much more attention and action (other than just hyperbolic headlines every so often).

Luckygirl Thank you for that heartfelt description of serious depression on the thread about Hari's book, you could have been inside my head. Thank you.
Mine started with a period of extreme stress and physical ill health at the same time. I started on ADs then and came off them after some months of counselling as my doctor thought I should.
The next bout of depression came like a bolt at a time I should have been happy and knocked me for six. The doctor again prescribed ADs and I am still taking them 6 years later. The doctor has said it would not be wise to reduce them and I don't want to return to that blackness and confusion.
alovelycupoftea I would like to come off my ADs too as I feel ashamed of needing them to be normal. I think it's probably more to do with the fact that mental health has a stigma that physical health doesn't so not needing the tablets would make me "cured". I have got over it by realising that if I didn't have these tablets my life would be utterly miserable again and my family and friends would suffer too (especially DH who has been through it with me). I am glad I am now well enough to appreciate my life!

Granny23 I wasn't thinking of anything, it was just something that I wondered about (whether AD flattened emotions) so thanks for answering my question.

Thank you icanhandthemback.

I spent more than 20yrs yo-yo ing up and down in and out of depressive bouts because I didn't want to believe I had to be constantly on AD's. What a waste of those years, after a caring GP persuaded me to cut myself the slack I would willing give others I have been taking them regularly for about 10 yrs, and they have been the happiest and most contented of my life. I am DEFINITELY not ashamed of this anymore, and am just glad I have seen sense albeit later than sooner.

I haven't been on here very long, and have always enjoyed the comments, and contributing comments. I think that we should all be able to make comments without being made to feel uncomfortable and by the comments some people have made I think GabriellaG has been made to feel just that. I am a CBT therapist but don't think I know it all. Please continue to comment Gabriella G. I found your comments as interesting as everyone else's.

Hello PaddyAnn, am sorry to hear about your daughter. Its serious time to review all medications she is taking with yhe help of professional. 23 pills seems toxic even if illness is comorbid.

Morning everyone, & thank you so much for all your replies. This has been my first post ever on Gransnet, & I am truly overwhelmed by the number of responses and the kind comments. I have printed them all out and will read over them a few times and then whenever I need an extra bit of reassurance. I have had a lot of counselling of different sorts over the years - the death of my mother was then compounded by the sudden & unexpected death of my father in 1999 too when I was 36, which was followed by 2 1/2 years of legal battles as someone challenged his will, so my sister and I, as well as trying to grieve, had to subject ourselves and our young families to years of stress, ending up at the High Court in London, where we successfully upheld his wishes, but only after our legal fees to defend ourselves from all the attacks had topped £100K and made us both ill. There have been many other challenges since then, as we all have in life, & I know that I wouldn't have coped with, say, my daughter coming out to us as bisexual and then being attacked, or my son's girlfriend of 3 weeks accidentally falling pregnant, without the support of the tablets. I think I will try, as many of you have suggested, to just rejoice in living in times where there is this help available as I struggle, and get on with leading my life without shame or guilt. Bless you all and I send you all my very best wishes. As Winston Churchill used to say, what else can we do but "just keep buggering on"!!