Stroke

Yes I know that now humptydumpty but we were miles away from home and all he wanted was to get home .

Hi Gilly, my very best wishes for DH's recovery. I did want to say for other posters, the first hour after a stroke is crucial - and an ambulance should be called no matter what the person says..

Give him time, Gilly. Like you he's had a big shock.
Perhaps his mind is still a little confused, the after effects of the stroke.

Waiting room chat again

The thing is that DH and I both try to live very healthy lifestyles ,we don’t smoke , we drink in moderation , we walk , eat sensibly and healthily etc. DH has a very physical job and doesn’t have an inch of fat on him .
The consultant himself said that DH does not “fit the bill” to suffer a stroke which will almost definitely have been caused by the huge stress he is always under with work.
As for a family meeting , I’m not sure what that could achieve . DS and DDiL both work full time and have three little ones. That I help look after . DD works full time (shifts) and is 33+ weeks pregnant . Her partner works shifts too. My dad is 80 and relies on me to do shopping etc. because he’s very unsteady in his feet . I have a sister who’s dog is her priority over everything and that’s about it . That’s all of us .

hear, hear Lucky - perfectly said. Courage

Best wishes for today gilly. Pleased you got some sleep and DH had a good long rest.

I think the argument that he might finish up needing help with his personal care might be one that might help him to sit up and take notice. My OH needs help dressing/undressing/washing/showering and he hates it. It does not bother me particularly, but he feels it is undignified.

I am pretty sure your OH would take the same view by the sound of him!

It is admirable that he does not want to wallow in the sick role and wants to get on with life; but his life (and yours) is a very stressful one and that is not good for him.

I do hope that the consultant will be able to spell things out for him clearly.

Time for a family conference maybe to thrash out a new direction?

My twopenneth for what its worth. Many years ago when trying to persuade DH that eating bread with his butter and many other bad habits were doing him harm I told him that he might not die from it but might be disabled and dependent on me for everything. That made him sit up and think!

Then of course there is that old saying that no one ever said on their death bed that they wished they had spent more time at work.

Somehow he needs to learn that his family need him more than anyone else and he must look after himself for their sake.

Good luck with the docs today.

Good luck today Gilly. MawBroon is right about positive mental attitude. You'll need that and more I'm thinking right now. However, this could just be a turning point for you both and for the business. Maybe this could be the start of a glimmering of potential to pass the business on to others in some form or other ? Not easy. You and DH have done an amazing job just keeping it all going. You deserve a breather or at the very least a chance to rest and recover.

Good luck with the appointment today - and I am glad to hear that OH is having a proper sleep. And that you have got some sleep.

There will be a way through this - neither of you can keep up with the relentless demands for ever.

gilly can your employees afford to buy you and your H out?
I know we are offering solutions to a situation we know nothing about, but you are clearly so stressed ,you need an end to this relentless struggle. Just realise everyone is worried for you both.
Neither of you is going to go on forever even if most of us think we will.
Please tell the Consultant of your concerns today and the very best of luck.

Gillybob, I do so feel for you, not much help really, but you have been so strong through all your troubles, and now this on top. It's just so not fair. Many others have suggested that you lose the busines, by what means I'm not sure, but could it be done? You say "It’s like a mill stone around our necks", that surely will break your spirits if not your backs. I know your DH and you, think of "the boys", but you also say "they are better off than you". You two need all of your strength for you, not for others at this stressful time. I really don't know what to suggest as a solution, but all your GN friends are rooting for you, and wishing and hoping that you can come to a decision regarding your life as it is at this moment. Hugs and prayers to you both, always.

Pleased you slept gilly, sounds a more gentle beginning to the day. Hope the appointments are helpful later. Look after yourself.

I did get a little sleep ( better than normal) funnily enough thank you kitty. DH is still sleeping soundly which is completely unknown on a normal work day . He’s been asleep for over 12 hours now ! I half expected a repeat performance of yesterday but doubt it now . We have more hospital appointments later this morning and I’m picking the DGC up from school to sleep over later as their parents are at a funeral . They will cheer DH up no end !
Thank you everyone for being so kind

I just popped in to say good morning gilly, I hope you got some sleep but somehow doubt it
.
Good posts from merlot and Maw. Look after yourself.

I have hesitated to say this but I do feel tremendous admiration for your DH’s courageous attitude (OK, bloody minded too,) gillybob
It’s hard on you, but I suspect it would not be any easier if he had turned his face to the wall, declared his useful life over and lived as an invalid.
There is of course a happy medium but positive mental attitude is what has kept the great explorers of the past trekking to deepest Africa or the South Pole, what kept our forces going in WW II and keeps many people going today.
So no tantrums from you will help, you will continue to support him in the way you have done up to now, but also respecting the fact that he is a grown up man in possession of his faculties.
If you could bring in some help however, call in some favours or delegate some of the tasks, that need not be an admission of defeat, just common sense.
Good luck to you both!

"He realises it might kill him" you say, but it might make him seriously disabled which could be far worse for you both, and for everyone else.

I'm sorry to sound pessimistic but if he takes reckless risks with his health and recovery, he is being selfish.

Try and get the specialist to talk sense into him.

Thank you merlot your DH and every one else for being there tonight . Your DH is right he really didn’t deserve this. He hasn’t got a selfish bone in his body. Could’ve been on permanent sick over 25 years ago after being “let go” due to ill health and having a massive surgery. But no, He’s a proud man and hasn’t had “owt for nowt” ever. Neither of us were ever cut out for being in business and I totally blame the stress of running the business for what has happened. X

Not much I can add that hasn’t been said already and especially by Merlot who has been through this herself.

I really feel for you and your DH. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

I think knowing that you're the one who has to stay strong will help to keep you strong, gilly You're bound to feel sad and helpless because you're exhausted and there's no magic wand......if only.

You're bound to feel lonely if your DH went to bed early leaving you to worry about it all but sleep is good. The more he can get the better, especially if he's determined to keep going.

Tell the consultant tomorrow what you're up against. I didn't hold back because I wanted them to know that I knew my DH better than anyone and I was in for a bumpy ride.

He sound like a truly dedicated man and doesn't deserve what's happened to him.

As DH has just said....'Poor bugger'

And poor you. Good luck tomorrow.

I’ve just seen this thread gilly, I can’t imagine what you’re going through with all this going on. Sometimes the qualities, e.g. strong minded, dedicated, hard working etc, that we love in someone are the very ones that drive us to distraction in situations like this. x

Gilly, I'm so sad reading this. Your husband is so fortunate, having you as his wife. You obviously love him very much.

Gilly love. hugs
I have been thinking about you since I first read your thread earlier today.
The doer in the family sums up most of us grans I'm afraid.
We truly are the sandwich generation

I wish you the strength to carry on and hope you will get some sleep tonight to recharge your batteries.
xxx

Just wanted to add that I am the doer in the family . The one who sorts out the oldies and the young ones. I have to stay strong. There really is no one else.

I just want to say tonight that my DH is the most unselfish man you could ever meet. He has brought my children up as his own and he loves them dearly. He works non stop despite previous ill health and has never ever complained. The business eats away at our lives. It’s like a mill stone around our necks and yet he thinks of “the lads wages” (despite the fact that they are all (except maybe the apprentice) much better off than we are. He has been asleep since 7pm , physically and mentally shattered and yet I know he will be at work again tomorrow (even though he has to be at the hospital again at noon) .what can I really do ?
He’s a proud hard working man. Okay so it might kill him. I really think he gets that. Feeling so sad and lonely tonight .

Thank you all for being there. Xx