Stroke

I have a very stubborn DH too, although he is not as bad as he used to be.

You have to be quietly firm and make him see reason without causing him more stress.
You are going to have a lot on your plate and you will have to decide what are your priorities at the moment. If you take the DGC to school can you find an alternative - do they have a breakfast club?
Ask his opinion on what needs to be done at work - he will want to feel involved, but try to make sure that he rests at home and doesn't fret (easier said than done I know). Assure him that all is in hand (even if it isn't) without making him feel he is dispensable.

gilly I do feel for you, it is not going to be easy but you have to concentrate on yourself, getting your DH better, the business and remember that the family are capable of sorting themselves out without relying on you as they have done. So many have to work out what to do without the help of grandparents or wider family, they will manage.

It's not only men that do stupid things . The day I had my first stroke which happened during the night I got up in the morning and went to work where I had another mild one in the managers meeting and I was promptly taken to hospital on blue lights and then I had a heart attack but it's what you do when you have responsibilities to other people. Stupid I know and I would not make that choice again .
Hope he is back home now and the new meds helping him without too many side effects.

My husband is a bit like yours, Gilly.
I've found the best thing is to say nowt and in time he comes round.
I hope yours is the same.

Gilly your DH will get the help he needs.
But will you?
Can you get your family to have a private discussion with your DH supposedly with out your knowledge.
They can ask (or plead if necessary) him to please take your health and wellbeing in to account.
And also remind him that he is going to be a grandfather in the very near future!

There will be no business if your husband has another strike or worse

My best wishes to both you and your DH

Gillybob, I’m sorry that you have this to deal with, but your husband is obviously fiercely independent.
It’s what makes him tick and you have to let him do what he wants, I know it’s scary but maybe he thinks that the alternative is sitting down and waiting for another stroke to happen.
I’m sure that he doesn’t want you to think of him as a sick old chap.
We all know that’s daft but I don’t think he’ll change now. Maybe the consultants will help him to find a half way place so that he can still keep actively working but have some scheduled rest days?

Only just seen this as been to physio and docs. Oh my, oh my- I am so so sorry and what a stubborn so and so. Yes, I throw a wobbler too and say he is not the only one in this predicament, you are right in it with him- all the way.

It is good he has a fighting spirit - but ... I feel for you and send hugs and xxx

Don't be too harsh peeps. We're all keen to offer gilly support but her DH's stroke will have impeded logical thought. It's no good her threatening to refuse to help him or ranting and weeping. He is unlikely to respond to that and will feel even more wretched even if he doesn't say so.

I once found DH in tears in the hospital car park after a nurse upset him with some rather blunt comments.

It's a tricky balance. Love and support on one hand and plain speaking on the other.

Tell him he will make you ill too if he does not listen to what he has been told. Throw a wobbly - weep and rant.

I'd go for this option. Then refuse to help him in his stupidity.

He has been lucky. Does he want to be immobile and unable to speak at all? That's very likely to happen if he doesn't follow medical advice.

His stubbornness in Glasgow endangered his recovery by delaying treatment. He could completely wreck both your lives if he continues in this way!

I sympathise with you so much and your DH's behaviour makes me so angry on your behalf.

Men are impossible! Mine went to work years ago the day after his vasectomy - the car broke down 2 miles from work and he had to walk the rest of the way! Yours needs some serious talking to by the consultant tomorrow - make sure you tell him how stubborn he's being. He will be in denial and has had a fright so putting on a show of invincibility probably more for himself than anyone else. I hope he's got to work ok and not made himself feel ill. Maybe once he's there and seen that the place hasn't fallen apart without him he might take heed and listen to the doctors instructions to rest. Good luck.

Gillybob, so very, very sorry.
Tell the consultant immediately about your husband's dangerously stupid behaviour, and hopefully he terrify him into obedience.

Ah gilly. You have your work cut out for you, it seems, with your husband being so independent.
Sending very best wishes to both of you. X

Wish I could offer a solution, gilly, stubborn man syndrome causes such problems for people around them. I can only hope for common sense to arrive. If he’d only realise it being sensible now makes a positive future all the more likely. You both care about your workforce but without care for you both you can’t care for them. Would he understand that? Keep off loading to us, it’s little enough but listening ears are always here. Sending hugs if they help.

Best wishes to you both gilly

I'm so sorry to read this, especially as I know how much you and your DH care about the people that you employ [which is part of why he insists on going into work I would imagine]. To say that what has happened is unfair is a massive understatement. My thoughts go out to you.

I had a similar time with DH when he had his stroke, gilly. In his case it was the realisation he would no longer be able to drive that caused outbursts of temper, stubbornness, refusal to co-operate with medical advice etc., etc.

Although I tried my hardest to be patient and understanding I still had to hold my ground and be firm, even though it led to more than a few shouting matches.

Your DH will be finding it hard to accept that his recovery is going to take time so he is taking all his frustration out on you which is so bloody unfair but they don't see it that way. Business worries will be swirling around in his mind and he can't deal with them in a logical way.

Stand your ground if you can and keep telling him it's not YOUR fault this has happened so it's pointless him making you anxious and stressed because he needs you now more than ever.

Not easy so I wish you luck. His health will improve if he gives it the necessary time.

Late to this thread, sorry, sent you pm.

gilly - just checked again and can only offer you a (((hug))) and a listened ear! And a go with Ann's leg of lamb!

Gilly I ve only just caught up and I m really really sorry to hear this PLEASE don’t make yourself ill worrying about him though as you simply cannot do anything with someone so stubborn and headstrong except pick the bloodily pieces up
I d make sure the hospital know when you go tomorrow that he’s not resting unfortunately he’s making a rod for your back by not taking any advice
Good luck on this one but do think of you as well as him and do what you knows best with a sensible head sometimes these stubborn people’s outcome are good whereas others who follow the rules aren’t he may be a lucky one
?

Let us hope it does not spit back gilly - what a worrying time for you.

Exactly lucky he is on 3 sets of new tablets having barely taken a paracetamol for donkeys years and under instructions to relax and take it easy until his follow up appointment . Imagine what the consultant would say? He’s back at the hospital tomorrow for bloods etc. as one of his tablets is apparently quite new and doesn’t suit everyone so they need to keep a close eye. He was very ill many years ago (almost died) and had major surgery etc. But since then I really think that he thinks he’s invincible and it’s like he spits in the eye of illness !

Lord above! This man is his own worst enemy; and not making your life easier either - maybe that is the way to go. Tell him he will make you ill too if he does not listen to what he has been told. Throw a wobbly - weep and rant. I do not envy you this task of getting him to take this seriously.

Has he taken the medication before he went out? Has he got it with him?

Having him ill is worry enough without his reckless behaviour.

I can only send [flowers[ and lots of good wishes.

DD tried last night kitty She was in tears saying “ you need to do as your told because I need you better to help with the baby when it arrives ( early May) “. He said he would be fine and she just shrugged because she knows what he’s like . I knew he was stubborn and very worried about work but this is beyond a joke and will just end up knocking him back .

What can you do with these stubborn men?

Gillybob, you must be worried sick about your husband. I have no words to make you feel better, but you know that everyone on here will listen to your worries and try to support you.
Your poor husband will be in denial and probably quite frightened if he has never really been ill before. On top of that, he will be worrying about your business and your employees. That doesn't help you at all and you need all the support you can get. Is there no family member who can help?
Please speak to your GP for advice.
Take care.

Oh, gilly - I'd murder him too!!

You are going to have your work cut out. Can your daughter try emotional blackmail along the lines of 'dont you want to live long enough......'

He's probably in denial right now but, even after 10 years, DS gets really tired so hopefully your Dh will get tired and realise the seriousness of the event.

Oh dear gilly like me you have a tough job.
I will share my frozen leg of lamb with you, my H was up and dressed at 3:30am. I persuaded him to go back to bed, which he did until 6:30am, we have carers coming in at 11 to wash and dress him, they are obviously redundant now.
Seriously your H is being very foolish and risking being ill again, you must get your GP to point out the perils to him.