Mother of the bride nerves

Best if you talk to your daughter about exactly what role they expect you to play in this.

The more you know about the organisation of the day the less worried you might be. Knowledge is power !

Oh I do feel for you, but try not to let it get blown out of all proportion.
The main people are people you know & love, just be yourself.
Make sure you wear what you like & feel comfortable with.
Everyone else will be focusing on themselves regarding what they wear & worrying just like you. Have a lovely day.

Hi cheesecake, I have just joined Gransnet and find It really helpful and fun. I just wanted to share with you My husband had died so I gave my daughter away a few years back and also read a reading to them,they were so caught up with each other I don't think they noticed me to much. My daughter wanted me to do a speech but I felt that was asking too much of me so I refused because I didn't want to spoil my day either with stress. Her best university friend did the speech and it was really lovely and moving. You have to do what feels right to you, it is your day too. Have a lovely day.

Hi, persistent bridesmaid here.

1. DONT PANIC. It is no longer expected for the brides parent(s) to do active hosting duties regardless of what is written on the invitation.

2. Talk to your daughter!! You will no doubt find she has delegated some of the 'hosting' tasks (moving the crowd around in time for meal, dancing etc) to appropriate members of the wedding party. She will genuinely not be expecting you to do much but smile and enjoy yourself; get her reassurance about that.

3. Don't wear a white dress or an oversized hat. At a formal wedding, no one should remove their hat before YOU do, so your consideration in not wearing it all through the meal will be appreciated by the guests.

4. Nerves and alcohol don't mix. Go very light on the celebrating until after the first course of the meal.

5. Your girl will be nervous about all her arrangements in case something goes wrong. Be a calming presence for her. Offer to run through her checklist and schedule for the day (flower delivery, hair amd make up people etc) with her a few days before so she is confident about when and how everything is happening. Especially what time the wedding cara are turning up!!

6. A chocolate bar before she gets the dress on will be appreciated. Its a long and hungry day for the bride before the meal is served.

7. Keep your happy face on if at all possible - the day will generate enough drama of its own, be the solid and reliable mum.

8. WHATEVER THE DRESS, HAIR, MAKE UP ETC LOOK LIKE, THEY LOOK WONDERFUL AND SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE. Yes, this reminder needs to be in caps.

9. The entire bridal party will be grateful for a big packet of elastoplasts if you can fit them in your bag for the day. Sore feet are the devil's own work.

10. Waterproof mascara if you are a crier. I like Dior's New Look in waterproof, unlikely to budge. If you are a real crier, consider an eyelash tint the week before the wedding.

11. The couple and the photographer will already have decided what posed shots they want to be done. Keep smiling and say nothing about this. Photos are a major flashpoint of a wedding day nine times out of ten - everyone is tired, pissed off and hungry by the time they get done and in the UK they are usually also freezing as well. Smile and don't make last minute requests. If you have a particular photo you want taken, let your daughter know this now.

12. Everything about the day is GREAT. The food, the flowers, the service, everything is GREAT. This is not a day to pick holes in stuff beyond your daughter's control.

Good luck and enjoy yourself!!

Another thing you can do is ask your doc for a small dose of diazepam. It will take the edge off your nerves and you’ll feel good. Despite what it says on the bottle you can still have a celebratory drink.

At least half of the people there will be people you already know so that is fine. At my daughters wedding I went up to tables of the grooms guests and found all I had to say was I am Nicola’s mum and they all made conversation with ME!! It was far easier than I thought it would be. Try to relax and just enjoy it. I was a nervous wreck at my own wedding but enjoyed my daughter’s enormously.
I had an outfit I liked with a huge hat. As I was leaving the church I forgot about the size of the hat and bounced it off the wall. Most inelegant but funny and set the tone for the day. Good luck and let us know afterwards how it all went.

The nerves before anything are always worse than the event itself , visitors, exams, dentist - once it actually starts you always feel better, partly because it's nearly over.

Sometimes I fix in my mind a time after the event - eg next Thursday and think "By then it will all be over, just a question of living through it."

My aunt once said think of the bible, "And it came to pass.......". It will come, and it will pass.

Ask your GP for help. I reckon you just need breathing techniques. Try to enjoy it.

yes I think a bit of mindfulness meditation will do you a power of good. Just let those anxieties pass by. See if there is a course nearby. It is very calming and empowering and proven to be of help. And is the basis of Applegrans advice! When I was MotB I have to admit I was not at all the centre of attention. In fact when I went to sit next to ex (who was disabled) he said oh great can you look after my bag and I can look round. I felt very important - not. And then when I was getting ready a neighbour insisted that I move my car because of a sewage leak in her house...after that I forgot to finish makeup and put on any jewellery. You really just have to laugh at fate and go with the flow. It'll be fine.

All eyes will be on the couple, not you. Enjoy the day, a celebration with a big smile on your face.

My son is getting married next year and I'm so excited. I will, however, be shedding tears of happiness as I'm so happy to see a new chapter in his life he will be sharing with a wonderful woman.

Be the best you can be that makes you feel most confident, whether it's losing weight, getting your hair right and getting the right dress then you will hold your head up high then u will be fine. Fantastic occasion so enjoy by feeling bloody marvellous then the rest will follow. Make em proud x

Ooops! Of course my hat was pink, not prink!!

When my daughter got married three years ago, it was her who was on the verge of panic attacks but for the same reason.
Believe it or not, she works as a university lecturer, standing up in front of groups of critical people every day, yet when I asked her what was wrong, she said "I don't like being the centre of attention"!
When it came to it, she and her now-husband decided to do away with bridesmaids and best man (couldn't choose anyway) and just arrived hand-in-hand, supporting each other and starting as they have continued.
It all went well, though she now wishes she had been able to relax and enjoy it more!
I too am not too happy about having all eyes on me but I felt so joyful about the wedding and so proud of my gorgeous daughter and her lovely choice of husband that I chose to wear a simple but glamorous navy dress with a beautiful, enormous, bright prink hat that made me feel fabulous!
There's lots of good advice here and I do hope you are able to conquer your nerves and enjoy the day.

Rest assured, no-one is bothered about so-called, old-fashioned protocol these days, and Mother of the Bride or not, you will most certainly not be anywhere near the centre of attention on your Daughter's big day. All eyes will rightly be on the happy couple. Just relax and enjoy it.

At my eldest daughters wedding I was fine never gave it a thought until we were in the receiving line for guests and 3 separate people asked me how I was coping with being the second most important lady in the room? I didn’t think of myself as this just DD’s Mother and I put the comments from my mind and just enjoyed the magical day. I would advise you to do the same

I'm sorry you feel this way. We had one such wedding for middle daughter and there was a LOT of work and planning but on the day itself everything had been done so I just sat in my housecoat having my make-up done and my nails painted while bridesmaids drank Buck's Fizz and my sister made scrambled eggs on toast for everyone. It was a lovely, memorable day, as I hope your daughter's will be. Just do as much in advance as you can, then relax and enjoy!

I started to have panic attacks after something happened at work. I didnt want tablets. I knew a girl who was used to travelling a lot by plane till she suddenly started having panic attacks for no apparent reason. She couldnt fly any more and was devastated. A hypnotherapist found the reason and sorted her out. I tried one for mine and while I wasnt cured, I did find they were much less severe and was so glad I went down that route. Just an idea. All the very best.

Are you Mrs. Markle?

I’m sure you will be fine and have a great time. Take the good advice given on here and don’t overthink it.

Avoid alcohol, nothing upsets things quite like alcohol. I didn't drink at either of my dc's weddings and can honestly say I felt better for it. I was in control, was able to solve any problems and I enjoyed it. I did have a drink just before bed when it was all over though.

My daughter married two years ago. The invitations went out in my name as (widowed) mother of the bride. I am not a 'party person' so was quite nervous at the thought of this big occasion. My daughter knew what she wanted so was in charge of arrangements, with her husband and myself supporting and doing what we could. I made sure she approved of what I planned to wear. On the day, the couple were of course centre of attention. I made a point of going to each table to talk to the guests (most of whom I didn't know as they were friends of the couple) to make sure they were enjoying themselves. Thankfully I have the ability of not appearing shy although I am very shy and unsure of myself inside. Many expressed to my daughter afterwards that they were touched that I had taken time to chat to them. It was a lovely day, as I am sure yours will be.

Talk to your GP

I felt much the same for my son's wedding but overcame it by confiding in a couple of good friends who were invited to the wedding and they promised to look after me . On the day all went well and they weren't needed- but just knowing they were there was a big help. I told my son too and he was surprisingly understanding! Also I took Kalms for a few days (which takes the edge off) and got a comfortable dress and jacket combination which covered up the lumps and bumps and looked good on the photos!

I was nervous too with both daughters' weddings but I really enjoyed both days. It is all about meeting and getting to know the families. One wedding was 200 miles away so had nothing to do, the other we were worked off our feet. Ended up with 15 minutes to get ready! Still enjoyed the day though. Don't forget that the day just goes so quickly and relax/breathe!

Dear Cheesecake, do have a lovely time and enjoy yourself. One or two thoughts:

1. I would be VERY wary of taking new drugs, whether bought or prescribed, for the first time on the big occasion. Perhaps try them out a week or two in advance, possibly before a party or similar. I know one friend who took a beta blocker before an exam (don’t know the strength) and was then completely hopeless on the day of the exam!

2. Buy a new dress or whatever, but do wear it around the house beforehand to get the feel of it. I bought a new fairly expensive silk dress before a wedding and in the church it slowly unravelled along one seam! I got my money back afterwards but I needed to slide quietly out of the church, rush home and change!

3. When I was MoB, it was lovely but my work was done in the previous weeks, mainly making sure that my clever but impractical husband was going to get to the wedding in time. So I booked us all into a small hotel immediately by the wedding venue the night before the wedding and for the following night. It certainly calmed my nerves and made sure that everyone in the wedding party was actually there. The MiL did the same, so both sides of the new family met up and had a nice calm meal the night before the big day.

As before, do enjoy the day and the time leading up to it and remember that people are normally concerned with themselves and their immediate relations and won’t notice any nerves from you! ??