Mother of the bride nerves

Don't be panicky cheesecake. To be honest all eyes will not be on you. The grooms family will only really be looking at him and any related bridesmaids. The friends will only be looking at the bride and themselves (on selfies!) Your family will be mostly looking at the bride and a bit at you, but they love you anyway?
Last year my son got married and as I was the only parent left I had to do the welcome, the speech, the register signing, the waltzing around making sure everyone was happy- everything! I don't suppose hardly anyone now even remembers what I looked like.

Buy an outfit that you love and feel comfortable in and just enjoy this happy day?

I'm going to be the mother of the bride in May. The only 'problem' I have is what outfit to wear on the day ( I have 3 now)
It's not your responsibility to be the host, that is what you are in your own home when you give a party. If there is such a thing as a 'host' at a wedding it is the ushers. There should be no reason for you to help out, that is what you pay people for. I certainly have no intention of 'helping out'
My Son in law has paid a lot of money so that nobody has to do anything except: turn up, eat drink and enjoy yourself.
So, cheesecake. Put your gladrags on, look fabulous and enjoy the day

Do you normally have panic attacks? If not why should you on this lovely day? If you are prone to them,have a chat with your GP. At the end of my dd’s Wedding day I just wanted it to happen all over again - so much joy, love, friendship - the very air was heady with it - what a blessing to experience that

You're right, I know that in my head. But my silly brain goes into overdrive without my permission. I must focus on the joy of the day.
maryeliza I'm not usually prone to panics at all. It seems to have come on quite suddenly. Just after their engagement party actually. I really don't want pre-wedding jitters to spoil the day.
Enjoy your family wedding Petra. I like your style!

When my eldest daughter got married 10 years ago I was on my own and emotionally not in a good place. I was dreading being in the limelight.
It was the most wonderful few days, my youngest daughter and I arrived a few days before the wedding to help out. The day itself was magical and I can honestly say it was one of the best days ever.
cheesecake just go with the flow, try not to worry and I really hope you have the same kind of experience that I did.

I do understand cheesecake and when my DD got married
15 years ago I was asked to manage most of the arrangements.Even on the day itself I did the brides hair, and also two of the adult bridesmaids.After that, all that was left to do was enjoy the day.
Good planning helped so that I didn’t feel panicked.
If you don’t have to sort out all the arrangements though, then just get yourself an outfit and enjoy it all.I didn’t feel that eyes were on me at all, even if they were.If you feel you are dressed appropriately what does it matter?
Have you thought about something like Kalms, and take them for a few days before the wedding? Hopefully as it gets nearer you will feel better about the whole thing, it’s one day, that’s all.Good luck.?

Honestly cheesecake when you read some of the wedding threads on here your DD's day sounds well organised and serene. You really just have to turn up and be yourself, there will be lots of people so just get round as many as you feel comfortable with, it sounds like it is going to be a happy day enjoy it. Why not go and have a massage, try some relaxation, drink loads of Chamomile and take a deep breath as you make your entrance. Good luck

lulu I know that feeling of getting "in a state" for no apparent reason, I do that to myself every now and again.

I would buy over the counter tablets e.g. Kalms and take them as directed e.g. 3 x a day for a day or two before plus on the day and drink one of the calming herbal teas, so many to choose from now. I did just that for my daughter's wedding, plus shared the advice with the groom, who was also overcome by nerves on the day. And it worked.

As an aside, at my son's wedding a few years ago, I did a reading with the bride and groom facing me, and instead of paying attention, my son chortled a bit and then pointedly turned around and looked at his sister, who got the giggles. Afterwards they told me it was because I had come over in a "posh voice"!

Good luck and enjoy the day.

Go to a hypnotist and get some help. It is going to be such a wonderful day.

I felt exactly the same about both my children's weddings but on the day I just went with the flow and just let it happen. I had a wonderful time at both. Just be assured you are not the centre of attention and although it is a big day in your daughters life you are not losing her.

Cheesecake - you may find that if you sit quietly and look inside yourself at the fear of panic (it doesn't sound like panic itself) and just sit there feeling it, it will actually dissolve after a bit; its a bit like digesting something and then its over. Sitting feeling the feeling works if you DROP the thoughts about it all - just distance yourself from them, and if need be, remind yourself that they are only thoughts, they are not The Truth. Have a wonderful day!

I remarried after 7 years widowhood ( horrible word!) we planned our wedding which was quite big and paid for it including hotels for some of the guests ( our choice).I was getting stressed and panicky until a week before the day. I suddenly said to myself - stop it- it’s for us and we want to share it. We can’t do any more. If things go wrong - well not a lot we can do on the day. I really enjoyed it including the additional speech I made to raise a glass to out late partners. It was a wonderful day and I’m sure yours will be as well.

Who would you like to be with on the day? What about having a designated chum and ask them just to be there for you as a no d of home base for the day? Tell them your worries in advance. Someone cheery.

You are not the host nor the centre of attention so get that into your head. buy a gorgeous outfit in which you feel comfortable - probably very few people will even talk to you. Worrying about nothing.

You'll be fine and the day will be outstanding! When you see your whole heart standing up there ready to start her out story, you'll be so proud that you raised her.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and advice. Applegran, that's a really interesting approach. I'm going to give it a go and see. damewithaname, your post has got me quite teary (in a good way!)

All the eyes will be on the bride. Not you so don't worry about it.

Hi Cheesecake you will be fine As other’s have said you will not have to be a host at all At my daughters wedding they had arranged it all themselves I just went with her to choose her dress and have a few tears same with my daughter in law
At daughters wedding I was their to calm her nerves as the bouquet had darker white roses in with the red ones and she had a panic so I got the photographer a friend of the family to take her photo with her holding it and he said it was actually better for the photos as her dress was Ice white She was running late so just her and her new husband just stood in the line of p and us and his parents just went through to the top table as there was plenty of times afterward to talk to guests At my sons wedding it was a shorter ceremony and it made us all laugh when my son was saying his vows and when it came to his middle name he turned to us and stuck his tongue out after he said it as he had never mentioned that he had never been keen on it LOL so that was a talking point afterwards Others are right the day goes too fast so take in every moment and enjoy

My DS and DIL asked me to do a reading during their wedding ceremony. Altho I was used to public speaking with my job, I am such a cry baby at weddings, even more so when it’s my own babies ! So my nerves were on high alert..... However, I felt so privileged that they had asked me, I just took a deep breath and went for it. I did have a contingency plan for DD to take over if I faltered, but luckily just a couple of tears emerged .... then all went fine.

Whatever happens you won't ruin the wedding. Something always goes wrong and usually everyone is very entertained! The band we had arranged went to the wrong hotel-in a different town! It didn't matter at all. It was a lovely day and yours will be too.

My main fear at my DD's wedding was that I would wet myself (I'm a tenalady) and I did while enjoying the Ceilidh dancing. But I had come prepared with a full set of underwear and soon rejoined the party. I also took a migraine, though I hadn't had one for years. Went to reception who produced a couple of soluble aspirin and a glass of water, sat quietly in a dark corner until the worst had passed, then back to business.

No one noticed these absences. Proof that MofB is NOT the centre of attention.

I got into exactly this kind of state about a big family event where I was one of the main players although not the 'star' as it were. A kind friend pointed out that nobody was likely to be looking at me; I had a discreet outfit that I liked and felt comfortable in, and she talked me though it, asking if I particularly noticed anyone at another event a few weeks before and, no, I hadn't. If I had been dressed in glittering lurex or a crinoline it might have been a different matter of course but on the day everything was fine. It's always the anticipation, isn't it, that gets you? Reality is often so much less stressful than we imagine. Breathe deeply cheesecake, concentrate on the young couple and I'm sure you will have a lovely time.

I hate flying and have beta blocker to take in case I feel panicky. Didn't need it on last long haul flight but loved knowing it was there
Try to work out exactly what it is that worries you - if clothes, get them. If social stuff, do a family tree of new family and give one of yours to your d's future m-in-law.

I was at my sons wedding last year and I was a bit nervous for various reasons however on the day it was so quick and busy the nerves just went. You won't centre of attention so get that into your head.nuts about them and their day enjoy and start feeling excited x