Low and a bit stuck

Hi there. My first time to post. I’m with you fully on the low mood. My first bout was aged 51 and started when 2 of my kids went away to Uni. Was on and off antidepressants for past 5 years. Been to a gynaecologist and she told me it wasn’t clinical depression but the menopause and I should have been given HRT. Fuming as tablets didn’t work very well and I even ended up in a psych ward!

Sorry just feel so sorry for you. That awful feeling that you’re left behind and it’s easier to hide inside. I’d go to bed convincing myself I was tired.

I’m in the process of coming off antidepressants and hopefully now I know via blood test I’m through the menopause I have the motivation to reassess where I am.

You will be fine. Be gentle with yourself and use this time to see what you want to do. Personally I’d think about a dog. My two got me out of the house and people love to stop and chat to you

Here if you ever need a pm

I’m thinking about ending my marriage and people tell me it’s a mistake as lonely on your own. I’m lonely in a 26 year old marriage.

Interesting topic for me. I am very much alone but, hand on heart, have never once felt aware of being lonely. Oh sure, I regularly have a silly wish that fate could have been kinder but am totally aware it could also have been so much worse. Don't know where I get my positive attitude from but certainly attribute much of it to faith. I have some disappointing family relationships but I put that down to pressure of modern life combined with perhaps my expectations were too high. Don't think I was a particularly bad Mother. Today I've had a walk up the High Street for a paper and done a bit in the garden as well as dipping into the wedding pleasantries from time to time. All good and such a lovely day as an additional bonus.

I married late, so I know the feeling of being single and surrounded by family and friends who all are busy with their lives, that are not subject to loneliness.

It always does feel worse at a holiday weekend, doesn't it?.

If you don't have a pet and don't want one, what about a hobby or interest that could fill the hours where you feel alone and down? I am keeping the idea of a dolls' house in the back of my mind for the future, if life throws me the curve ball called widowhood!

It doesn't matter whether you collect stamps, glass ornaments, play with a dolls' house or knit teddies for charity, as long as it makes you happy.

cazzab56: I’m thinking about ending my marriage and people tell me it’s a mistake as lonely on your own. I’m lonely in a 26 year old marriage.

IKWYM. On your own you can make friends you like, do things you like, read and watch what you like.
It took me 30 years to make the break

I volunteered with Age UK as a befriender.

I visit a lovely lady who needs some company whenever I wish.

It’s up to me and her when I visit, so if you feel low, go and have a chat with an elderly person.
It really does take you out of yourself and out of the house.

tillysussex So sorry to hear you feel down. It is well known that depression is worse around Christmas and in the Summer when people are enjoying time out with family. If you can't motivate yourself to do anything you might need some help and a visit to your GP might be a good idea. If you can push yourself, getting out and doing something might help. It is shown that exercise helps, so walking, jogging or if you like the gym try that. I used to swim and regularly met people with whom I became friends. This may not be the right suggestion, but if you are an animal lover and have the life style and facilities to give a pet a home, then having a pet really can boost you. I have rescued dogs, small ones as I am disabled but fortunately have a good garden. They most certainly keep me from getting too depressed, which I do have a tendency to do otherwise.
I wish you lots of good things, and don't be worried about being alone. Go to a cafe for coffee or even a meal. Take a magazine or book. You might find yourself chatting to someone. Try to keep going and doing things and remember, feeling low does not last for ever, but do get help from your Doctor if you can't manage. Lots of love L

Dear TillySussex suggest you set yourself a routine of upand breakfast by 8 or 9am. Walk to shops, head up & smiling!
Go out for lunch with a friend or two on a regular basis. Join an adult education class - many are held daytime. Go to the theatre / concert hall / cinema. Your local library has lots of books, computers and info on stuff happening in the area. Join U3A or the local walking group. Gardening is terrific. Good luck

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I'm widowed too and although I call myself a survivor I get down in the dumps sometimes. It's often a collection of little things that depress me - as though it's 'one more thing' which could tip me over the edge. I often feel like I'm waiting for other people to get their backsides into gear iyswim. Let's try to be grateful for the little things - a sunny day etc. Easier said than done sometimes.

Chocolatenoodle8 has excellent advice I think. I didn't expect to get divorced either but there we go. I, too, feel low from time to time, but I immerse myself in work as much as possible and when, like today, I find myself with a whole day off and everyone planning to watch the royal wedding (I'd rather watch paint dry tbh) I took myself off to a local country show and just mooched about amongst the stalls, watched a bit of this and that in the show rings and got some sun.
The problem is, no-one can help you, you have to help yourself and I really don't mean that to sound harsh, I'm sorry you're feeling down.

It is very easy to feel like this. I found myself with a free day at the last minute and no one I could ring and say would you like to watch the tv with me? DH was at work.
I do have to make a definite effort to arrange things. Yes you can feel lonely when married.
It takes a bit of effort.

Good advice about getting out there and finding thi gs to occupy yourself.
I am really impressed with my neighbour, widowed, just under three months ago, and she has taken herself off to the north of Scotland for three weeks to stay in a country cottage.

I really do place great store by fresh air - listening to the birds, smelling the new life of early summer. But I do also understand the dead hand of depression - please get all the help you can.

Cazzab56 I ended my marriage after 22 years. I was extremely lonely most of the time while married. I don't know you and it would be unwise to imagine why you are lonely, but I wonder if there is more to how you feel and more to your loneliness than meets the eye. Is your H difficult?

It took me a long time to realise just how cruel mine was. I was so much under his control and so frightened to have a mind of my own that I could not see just how cruel he was. Then he threatened our eldest daughter in the way he usually spoke to me. I saw with clarity that this could not be allowed. I started Legal Separation proceedings.

That was 25 years ago. I have grown so much since, studied, changed career. I now know he was a Covert Narcissist, the worst kind of narcissist so they say.

Are you suffering in an impossible relationship with someone who is completely unreasonable and oblivious to your human needs? Yes? Then leave.

If this is not your situation, yet you are so lonely, then something is wrong. Can you get some counselling? Are there any books or websites that give you insight into your situation?

Being single doesn't make you lonely. Being married and unhappy definitely does.

Good luck.

I too have battled depression most of my adult life.
When I felt it happening again I trotted off to the GP,who ordered a battery of blood tests.It turns out I have low vitamin D. He gave me mega doses for 7 weeks and now maintainance dose daily.I can't believe how much better I feel.May be worth a check for you too?

My first post too, Cazzab56. I have periods of feeling very low, and as I approach 70 life seems to be rushing past at an alarming rate. I have a wonderful dh but he is happiest when pottering in his shed whereas I always think there is something else I should be seeing or experiencing. I volunteered for Age UK as a befriender but the volunteering role I really enjoy is working for my local library delivering books to people who are housebound. They always cheer me up and help me to get things into perspective. Being on a fairly restrictive budget means I have to look for things that don’t cost a fortune and walking groups can be the answer. Most areas run some sort of health walks which you can sign up for. I really hope these messages make you feel less lonely.

When you're feeling more positive than this weekend, please make a list of what could be good distraction activities if you feel like this again. As I think I've posted before I will only buy cat food for 1 day at a time, so I have to go out and shop, speak to the person in the little shop (never big impersonal supermarkets), then I have to get up, washed and dressed. Physically leaving the house makes me feel less down. If you're mobile, an ice cream at a beauty spot? A trip just to look at the sea? A trip to the library, find a good book, DVD.

I am sorry to hear you're feeling so low, Tilly, it can be really difficult. I would echo others' suggestions to try and get out every day, perhaps planning a treat for yourself. There is also the U3A (university of the third age) which offers meetings and days out as well as many interest groups such as photography, painting, dancing, languages that you could join if you're interested. I agree that it may be helpful to talk things over with your GP. Can I also suggest that you can talk to Samaritans at any time and you don't have to be suicidal to contact them! They offer telephone and face-to-face contact as well as via email and text. I wish you well, Tilly. Please take good care of yourself!