Feeling fat, ugly and old

jellybeanjean, my Granny used to say that a woman of a certain age needs a bit of weight about her. She was probably right. I'm heavier now than I've ever been. I know I don't over eat, but I also know that I'm not as active as I was. I'm not worrying about it and neither should you. Unless it impacts on your health. If you are happy and healthy, then don't worry about what you think other people are thinking about you.

Jellybeanjean. Console yourself with the thought that your ex-SiLs couldn't smile because of the Botox treatments that made them look younger!

jellybeanjean You started your post with "I'm 70 next February. I'm my DH's carer (he's ten years older than me, disabled with spinal stenosis and in a wheelchair) and we are very happy". I think you were fine and focusing on the important things in your life and enjoying them. Don't let what you saw on one day make you change. If he hadn't mentioned it before I don't think DH was criticising you just trying to encourage you if that's what you wanted. It probably would help if you managed to lose a bit of weight but I know it's not easy. I have put on a wee bit weight since husband started using wheelchair mainly because I get tired and think I need something to give me a boost and of course reach out for some comfort food!!

That is exactly the sort of thing my husband would come out with. Blunt isn't the word for it, but he means no harm! If YOU want to drop some weight exercise more and eat less if you can. Half a pound a week is sustainable and soon mounts up. Before someone shoots me down in flames, I had increased a bit a year or so ago and did exactly that, painless once you get used to it. I'm now down to where I want to be. But it was my decision and tightening waistbands that did it. X

I agree with Eglantine about his comment. Sounds like my H. If I tell him something Im worried ablut he eitger offers a solution ('do somethi g about it') or says 'well there's nothing you can do so stop worrying.' Men have a different mind set and think a problem is something to solve, not to offer sympathy for!.

If I ask my DH what I look like in something he always, and I mean always, says ‘it’s alright” . It could be a sack, a pair of jeans or a designer frock (not that I own a designer frock).

I think weddings are always a bit of a minefield, fashion-wise. You say that your daughter helped you choose your outfit, so she must have thought you looked lovely in it. Women in some families are very competitive re slimness, and it seems that this is what is at play here. At 70 you know you are not old, and there are some fun things you can do if you really want to get your mojo back. I belong to a zumba class and also a pilates class which both happen during the day, they're only an hour each, and nearly all of the ladies are aged between 50 to 75. It is great fun, can be as energetic or not, as you prefer. I always end up a ball of perspiration after zumba, but some ladies end up as immaculate as when they started. Weight does creep on as we get older, I speak from experience here. My weight gain turned out to be from an underactive thyroid, and while I have lost some, am still a size 14. I second those who suggest limiting carbs, that certainly works and just gentle tweaks in your diet. More protein also helps you feel fuller for longer. Maybe get a friend to sit with your husband for a day and get yourself out and go to a makeup counter and have a makeover - it will give you new ideas. Also a browse on the internet, I have bought most of my clothes from T K Maxx, they're amazing. You can get designer stuff amazingly cheap, and their other ranges are great too. Returns are so easy, you can afford to try some different styles to experiment. I think dresses are great for ladies of our age, and the shirt dresses that are in the shops at present are so flattering. Don't worry about your husband's photos of you, we've all been there with awful photos. Sorry you're feeling down about it, but just remember you live a very full life that you're happy with. That's the main thing - it's your decision totally whether you just want to tweak your appearance, but it could be fun to experiment. I think just being open to changes makes one feel better. Good luck OP.

Run or fast walk round the park pushing your husband in his wheelchair a few times a week ! Tweak your diet and you will find the pounds fall off... good luck...

You were happy with yourself before the wedding, don't let that one day make you feel negative about yourself. But if you decide to change your eating/exercise levels I wish you the best of luck

I had a makeover for a national newspaper. I’m in my late sixties. They took me to a top hairdresser and a modern cut and colour took years off me. The makeup artist showed me what colours to use to flatter my face and make me look good. Treat yourself to a new hairdo and get some makeup advise. Low carb really works. You will feel so proud of yourself even if you only lose a few pounds. I’m sure you looked great at the wedding, but a few crafty tweaks make a big difference at our age. I go kickboxing three times a week, but Zumba or Pilates is great fun too. Perhaps your husband’s remark will motivate you to try a few things to make you feel great about yourself.

I had a friend who was exceptionally obsessive about what she ate. She was always quoting things about weight and healthy eating. She weighed herself twice every day. She was also very waspish about other people’s looks and size.

At a party, someone commented on how little she was eating and she trotted out the old adage, “you know what they say, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”.

To which someone else replied , “if it feels so good, how come you always look so miserable?” Not a very nice response but absolutely true.

If you want to lose weight because you think it is better for your health, or change your appearance because it is what you want then do it. Don’t do it to please other people.

The way you describe your ex family, it seems to me that they were trying too hard. Off the shoulder dresses, loads of make-up, were just to give them confidence. They had miserable faces, most likely, because they were constantly checking their appearance and envying those that were slimmer, better dressed, younger and happier.

Don’t let people like them define how you see yourself. They most likely were envious of your contentment.

jellybeanjean Repeat after me:
"Off-the-shoulder gypsy dresses are not a good look for anyone over the age of 18 - unless they are on holiday in the Mediterranean. Even then ...".
I am surprised that a woman of 70ish would think that is suitable attire for a wedding, however slim or tummy-tucked she may be!

I'm sure you looked lovely in your wedding outfit, but, like you, I always have the same reaction when I see photos of myself (is that what I really look like ?).

As for your DH's reaction - that is a 'man thing' and just the type of thing my DH would say, or 'well there's nothing you can do so stop worrying.' as polly's DH would say.

Your DD helped you to choose your outfit and I am sure you looked lovely - I wonder what she really thought of her aunties on the other side of the family?

Cheer up - you sound as if you are normally happy whereas they sound like a miserable lot

The official photos will probably be lovely

I look at women who try to stay slim,dress well and use makeup a wee bit differently ...bcause I am one .I have always had self esteem issues,so I felt I needed to go the extra mile to look if not great then at least presentable .I wont put the bin out without my "face" on .Does that make me a bad person? From some of the comments on here it does ,but try seeing it from a different angle.My late mother always called my sister the beautiful one ,my little sister was her wee doll and I was the one who always had her head stuck in a book .
I have never in my entire life thought I was attractive even though I always had boyfriends lined up and married young ...my husband does tell me I'm beautiful but he's biased .To be honest the makeup and clothes just give me the confidence I need to go about my daily life its not "trying too hard" its therapy .

Don't be so harsh with yourself if you feel you want to make changes go ahead and do it but don't compare yourself to anyone else .I hate looking at photographs of myself now but then I look at them and think how I love looking at photographs of my mother and yes she was a bit plump with wrinkles and hopefully in years to come my family will treasure photographs of me in the same way

Chinese: ‘only 2 stone’ ‘not a lot’
Are you serious?

I think I'd need to lose more than 2 stone to go down two dress sizes.

I used to be too skinny when I was a child and was always being encouraged to 'eat up' - which becomes a habit in the end.

paddyann - no it doesn't at all.
I haven't worn much makeup in the summer as I just melt! but generally I wear some even just to go down the road, but not a lot as too much makes me look worse. However, if I'm at home all day I don't bother
I've never been lovely and photos tell me I'm not improving as I get older

Surely we all want to be as fit and as active as possible as we get older? I watched a programme last night 'How to live well for longer' on channel 4. They suggested that there a strong link between weight and cancer and other diseases. So its all very well saying just be happy and don't worry about your weight but if you want to be happy and healthy then maybe now its a good idea to look at making small lifestyle changes which could make a huge difference. And you never know in a years time you may have another wedding to attend and you can look at the photos and say 'Yay I look great but more importantly, I feel great'!!

paddyann Me too. I could have written (most of) your post.

And I bet you had a much nicer day than they did!
You saw your lovely daughter marry a nice man & she was happy to have you there.
Who cares if you have a bit of a tum!
If you want to lose a bit of weight for YOU- then do it but not for what anyone else thinks ( except maybe your doctor but you are not at that stage).
Remember the day for the happiness not the miserable people & anyway everyone hates how they look in photos!

I would say 'happy' is king jbj. However, I confess to being even happier now that I have lost some weight. That's not why I tried. I simply thought it seemed like a good idea for various practical reasons. The very fact that these thoughts are crossing your mind is good. The ultimate action and decision is yours, thank goodness. My only suggestion, from personal experience, is to take it easy. I aimed for a loss of a simple 1lb a week and, honestly, not a bit of stress and total success was the result. Good luck with whatever you decide. I say again 'happy' is paramount.

"Lose 2 stones", I lost over 2 stones last year after coming off my medication for Diabetes. I was still a size 22, no change there, gained some of my waist back but not much.

I looked in the mirror one day & I looked haggard, no I don't like carrying too much weight & I know it's not good for my health but I'd rather look happy than snacking on a lettuce leaf & looking miserable.

I look awful in photos but I have never looked good unless someone took a photo without me knowing.

As long as you're happy with your body ignore what others think & only ever lose weight, get fit etc for yourself

Oh paddy thank goodness for you.
I’m size 12 and do smile occasionally, I watch what I eat but not obsessively. I’m doing the 5/2 at the moment because I’ve put on about half a stone over the past year and it needs to come off. If it continues at this pace I will be huge in a few years! I’m not doing it ‘properly’ because I don’t need to lose the weight quickly so I’m eating 800 calories a day instead of 500.
It seems to me that I, and others, can be slim and happy. Why do most of you think we can’t?
If the OP is unhappy with her size then as her DH says - she can do something about it. If she’s happy then what does it matter?

and I was the one who always had her head stuck in a book .
me too, it's not much fun, though, being called 'the clever one' when you're a teenager and you want to be pretty - however hard I tried it never seemed to work. I could never be as lovely as my cousins.

Oh sod-em-all! Honestly, why should you conform to their arbitrary standards? Just be you!