Feeling fat, ugly and old

Why do most of you think we can’t?
because it's flippin' miserable sticking to 500 cals or even 800 cals a day - or perhaps others don't find that so.

jellybeanjean, I too am a size 18 and a have a big stomach since the menopause, just over 12 stone and used to weigh on average 9 stone. I wish I could get rid of the stomach but when I see the sight of some, especially in the summer, walking around, I think I'm not that bad. You say that before the wedding that you were very happy, don't let that one day make you feel any less of yourself. Beauty is only skin deep, for all the dedicated, loving work you do as a carer, wife and mum you are the most beautiful person inside and that's all that matters.

why should you conform to their arbitrary standards
Absolutely - and I bet you looked much smarter than someone in a dress more suited to a 15 year old.

If you are looking for ‘there, there, size 18 isn’t that fat’ you’re not going to hear that from me.

I don’t know how tall you are but you are certainly overweight and possibly obese. It’s not all about how you look but how healthy you are. What’s all this nonsense about slim people feeling being miserable and ‘chubby’ people being happy?

This might just be the kick up the backside you need and you could easily celebrate your 70th in February in a nice size 14 outfit.

Go for it!

Is it really what your DH said that has upset you? Ignore the unhappy mutton dressed as lamb people, you wouldn't want to be like them.

It's true what someone said earlier. If you are upset, men will usually make a practical suggestion to try sort the problem, when sometimes you really don't need that. You just need to offload and have some empathy, and maybe a hug and some kind words. So you have done the right thing coming here instead! Men are not good at just sympathising, they always want to fix things.

You know that, if you choose, you can do a few little things to give yourself a boost, but that's your choice. I hope you feel a bit better now.

Hi jellybeanjean and I expect most of us kno exactly how you feel when you compare yourself to others. I am my biggest critic yet I wish I could be perfectly content in my skin.

Certainly with age has come the wisdom and relief that I can say "This is me". However, I know I have weight to lose and still compare myself with women of my age who are slimmer and can wear well the sort of clothes I'd love to look nice on me. With age has come my own style too, but that is a sort of smart cover up for the flabby bits. I don't think my body will ever be taut again, no matter how much exercise I do but I do get sick of looking at loose tops and blouses. I'd feel even worse if every bulge was encases in tight clothes!

So, it's up to me. I can carry on as I am or decide what brings me down and do something about it. For the most part I am happy, lucky and count my blessings often - my wise old Mum used to say that if you have your health and strength then you are rich indeed, and although my health isn't 100% I am still independent - and long may it last.

Only you can decide if the way you felt that day is likely to happen again - are you likely to be in groups where you compare yourself unfavourably with others - or are you strong enough not to care? Comparisons are odious as you say. One of the slimmest, smartest women I know isn't a very nice person at all and all her family seem to give her wide berth if her tales are to be believed.

We have many facets and our shape is only one of them. I want to carry on eating healthily but still enjoy the odd feast and celebration where worrying about calories doesn't matter - and G&T and wine I am unlikely to give up, ever.

You sound active and a lovely, caring person. I am sure you have a lot going for you. Decide if that one occasion will play on your mind. As your husband says, if you are unhappy, do something about it, and it is good advice. It's a conundrum but I think as we get older, having happy days, good times and being content is also very important...priceless almost, because we have less in front of us to live than is behind us. Size isn't everything unless it is seriously causing health problems.

Do what makes you happy and try not to compare yourself with others. (I really do have to take my own advice as well! )

Oh I do sympathise. I’m not too fat but have a midriff bulge and fat tummy. Because I’m small 5ft 1 it really shows up. But I do have an ugly face. If you are happy with your face get a young hair style, a little make up and carry on enjoying your life.

Jalima, actually I do find eating 500cals a day hard but 800 is doable and it’s only 2 days a week. At that rate I will lose about 2lbs a month so only about 3and a half months for me. Then I can eat normally again which means about 2,000 a day. The pay back is that I will feel much better and fit into all my clothes with a bit of wriggle room.
I feel really uncomfortable when I’m a bit too fat. I will still weigh about 9 3/4 st. so not a skinny neurotic dieter. I just don’t want to be fat. As I’ve said if any of you want to be fluffier(!) than me and are happy about it then carry on. Just let us less fluffy folk be happy too.

Just returned from holiday so only just seen this thread.*jellybeanjean*, you say in your OP I was feeling really comfortable and happy with life, but now I feel quite miserable. also I was busy enjoying life and being married (it was our first wedding anniversary last month).
Lets remove most of the first sentence and add the second just say you were ^I was busy enjoying life and being married (it was our first wedding anniversary last month).
feeling really comfortable and happy with life^.

Frankly, what more could you want? So you could be thinner, smarter, so what? You have got the things that matter in life and since you did not like your ex's family and they are obsessed with size and outward appearances, presumably to the exclusion of all the better things in life like ^ feeling really comfortable and happy with life^, what is there to envy or feel upset about?

You undoubtedly have the better life, so enjoy it and be happy, a lovely husband a content life. You have been married a year, so your DH clearly married you regardless of size and looks for your lovely personality. Many people would give their life's possessions to be in your shoes, regardless of your size and looks.

You sound lovely and I am glad you had a great time at the wedding, bit slow just realised you were MOB. Totally disregard all photos taken by your ex, he's the last person to get a good photo of you, or not a good photographer. If you do feel you want to lose some weight why not join a group and have a bit of fun with it.

Agree with OldMeg.

I am 67 and so glad I managed to wake up this morning. I just watched The Real Marigold Hotel and Selina Scott and Susan George are the same age. When I bought reading glasses from Boots this year the manager rang me up to accuse me of cheating them about my age! He put me at 55. He apologised when I offered to show my passport. I am a little overweight having broken 3 bones and spending time in a wheelchair but now weigh 11 stone 5 and my medics are happy with that. I stopped dieting about 15 years ago after reading Paul McKennas book and now my family worry as I eat very little. I hate porridge but have it most mornings to reduce cholesterol and have a Fitbit to encourage movement. I love swimming but only in a warm climate. Went to the local government pool last month and the floor was so slippery I am reluctant to go back. Just look after your lovely husband and enjoy life. Don't diet as you will have no energy. Good luck.

Firstly, I’m a size 18, and good luck with trying to get me to believe I’m ‘obese’ oldmeg and 123kitty ‘cos it ain’t going to happen! I make a reasonable effort to look stylish and knock a few years off, but this year I have lost a lot of good friends, mostly to cancer, so now I think ok you aren’t a stunner, but you’re alive and those friends would swap your appearance worries for life in a heartbeat.

You could be 6’ for all I know Nanna58 ? but I was addressing my remarks to the OP so don’t take it personally.

Sometimes medication can cause weight gain.

Precisely oldmeg you cannot judge on dress size alone , but that was what you did with the OP . Wish I was 6’ , started as an adult as 5’9” and am now ‘only’ 5’8” - so can add shrinkage to my list of things that go wonky as I get older!?

I too feel good - until I see myself in a photograph! So I have every sympathy. BUT remember you had a good time. If you want to make a change there's been some very good advice from posters eg hair style, makeup. Note I don't mention weight loss - that can make you miserable just trying. Take a look at some new clothes websites with modern style clothing - and buy a good bra. I've found a decent bra alone can make a difference. And as others have said: just be you!

You certainly can't judge on dress size because they vary so widely from shop to shop - and even within the same shop.

No, indeed. In my wardrobe I have everything from size 10 to size 22.

And they all fit.

That sounds a bit odd!!

Nana58 I think the OP judged herself.

The size 10 is from Jaeger and the size 22 a cardigan from Asda.

And a whole range of stuff in between!

Eglantine can't quite match you, but until last winter my wardrobe of regularly worn clothes went from size 8 to 18.

In fact last summer I went into Sainbury's and bought three tops - in sizes 8, 10 & 12. All had been tried on and were the sizes that fitted me best. When a store cannot manage to have consistency in its sizing, how can we expect it across stores?

Last week I finally got to the new leisure centre. I used a disabled changing room with a large full length mirror. As I wriggled into my swimsuit I glanced up. To my horror I saw Little Britain's Bubbles DeVere looking back at me. Aargh!

I'm going again tomorrow and even if the disabled changing rooms are empty I'll use the cublicles ...