The Black Dog Gang

This is a very thought-provoking thread. I can’t even begin to explain how weighed down I feel. So very sorry that there are so many of us in the same boat.

phoenix and * MissA*, I too have very disturbing dreams about my daughter who took her own life,and also my first daughter who died as a baby.At the moment I am gripped with anxiety.I believe this evil thing runs in my family,my son,my GD all on ADs.
I can remember as a child as young as 5 being anxious,and feeling depression as young as 8 when an overwhelming sadness would envelope me.
We had to move to an area and leave all behind for our own real ..not imagined safety,here after 10 years still isolated missing family and close friends.This evil ugly thing has blighted me all my life.My mum also in hindsight suffered this too,so probably hereditary.This has been a bad year for the blackness.I wish all of you some respite today,some golden moments to help you through X

Bizzle & Camelotclub

Just did a longish post and lost it somewhere in the system. Anyway I can really relate to the symptoms being much worse in the morning then easing a bit towards the evening and feeling nearly normal again. Much harder to cope with when I was working. I tell myself to go with the flow - not to fight it, as to do so is exhausting. I ask myself 'what is the worse that can happen if I just stop fighting it and just let it overwhelm me?' But oh the mornings they are just so hard. Like wading through treacle..... I feel the medication just keeps me functioning on some sort of level to enable me to engage with the world and not to go under,

Downtoearth what a sad post. I can relate to what you say about the overwhelming sadness and anxiety enveloping you as I often feel this way too. Sometimes I really can’t see anything to smile about or look forward to. I know I am very lucky to have a close and loving family but it doesn’t change anything. My whole life seems to revolve around doom and gloom, as though something will not allow me to feel even a teensy bit of happiness. I feel like I just get one horrible thing/thought put to bed when another 10 come out and take its place. I’m not sure if what I have is depression (in the clinical term) or just that I’m a miserable cow most of the time.

I wonder if cbt would help those who have anxiety, and intrusive thoughts?(I've seen that term used for thoughts which constantly plague a person)
I think the jury is out on how helpful it is, though it can give you ways and means of coping.

Thanks Gilly,in RL,you wouldnt know I was afflicted this way,a smile ,a joke,supportive of others,while managing to hide that heavy duty beta blockers and ADs are at work,I am good at saying I am fine and quickly reflecting "how are you". back to the other person "fine thanks" tell me about you.....I always identify with the song by Smokey Robinson ....Tears of a clown...my deflection techniques...default setting be a clown make 'em laugh x

I wonder if anybody else struggles with this scenario......I am more or less managing in the day time but I can't face the thought of any social activity in the evening.

If I wake up and have arranged something like a cinema visit in the evening, I feel very negative and miserable at the prospect.

So what you might say? I am worried about the dark evenings coming and filling my time.

I'm in.. I call mine,
' The Crow'..flaps it's big black wings all around my head so I can't see or hear properly. .it's a foul disease and I hate it.. my daughter has it too....

I recognise the desire not to tell GP about the suicidal feelings - I knew he would have no choice but to get me a hospital bed. I also knew that, although the desire was there (I felt so ill that I would have done anything to make it stop) it would not happen as my family were keeping a very watchful eye on me! They were by my side till the meds kicked in.

I am still on the anti-d and they keep me afloat. They are an old-fashioned type and are now hardly ever prescribed, but they suited me; although they can mess up your heart rhythm which has been a problem for me in the past.

I hear a hint on here of folk feeling guilty about their illness as they have "nothing to be sad about" - this is a huge misunderstanding. It is an illness and can afflict those with privileged lives and those with poor lives.

So.....ditch the guilt chaps!!

Has anybody had positive experiences with groups such as the Depression Alliance or Mind please?

I've just caught up with this thread. I knew it was a good idea oldbatty! I'm sure it will help a lot of people.
Luckily, I don't suffer from depression and my heart goes out to all of you who do. I'd like to pop in and out if that's ok?

Hellsgrandad, I help to deliver Carer Information and Support courses for the Alzheimer's Society and I am always in awe of the fabulous carer's that I meet. They are all trying their best to deal with a dreadful situation and are amazing - as I'm sure you are too. Have you contacted the Alzheimer's Society? If you haven't, please please do. There are dementia support workers available on the phone and they can arrange a home visit. Please don't try to cope on your own. There is a brilliant forum on the Alzheimer's website called Talking Point where you can chat to people in a similar situation.

oldbatty count me in. Everyone is surprised when I say I suffer from the "Black Dog" because unless I'm really bad I just smile and say I'm fine. I'm good at giving advice to others on how to deal with it but not so good at taking my own advice.

Am I too late to join in? I've had lots of visits from the black dog, although he isn't with me at the moment.
There are some really sad stories above and I feel deep sympathy for you all. Only those who have had real depression can truly understand it, I think.

So many of us struggling. Mine is more acute anxiety I think. My childhood was horrendous and things that have happened since have added to it. I said once that every day of my childhood was frightening. Drunken violent, abusive father, frightening Catholic nuns and priests. I won't go into it. I recently saw my GP and tried to explain. He was kind but said 'I don't believe in handing out pills. You need to forget the past.' Easy to say. What about this campaign that's going on at the moment - tell someone, ask for help. What help? Where? This thread has given me more help than any GP.

Sure you will be welcome! ? It's amazing and scary how many of us there are out there! Talk about the tip of the iceberg Strength in numbers and keep taking the pills!

Oldbatty I do wonder about the links between introversion and depression. Things like not wanting to go out at night-is this introversion or depression or both? I don't know. I struggle with this myself.

Katy your childhood traumas sound the same as mine.... and we both have anxiety. I had rewind therapy as I had PTSD, stemming from childhood but also with many life events that just added to the pot until I couldn't take anymore and had a breakdown. The past has clearly been put in its place I am glad to say but health anxiety persists, one nurse told me health anxiety is just a really strong desire to live, I can see what she means but it's a bu**er to control.

hopefull It's not easy is it? My brother took his own life due to (I believe) our childhood. I have often wondered if I have PTSD although no one has ever suggested it - maybe because I've never told GPs the full extent of what has happened to me. Believe me, I know people have gone through worse but still it certainly is, as you say, a bu**er to control.

Hasn't this thread had the most amazing response?
We should not forget though, that as wonderful a site as Gransnet is, it is still public. It would be great to have somewhere, where all of us could talk about our depression in a way that it creates a dialogue rather than a monologue which it can be on here at times. A place where what we share stays confidential, but gives us the chance to really connect with each other.
Come on Gransnet, suggest something, there is obviously a dire need.

Great idea.

Yes I agree. Although this thread is helpful, I do worry that it's 'out there'.

Love Winnie the Pooh. Such a wise old bear of very little brain. Thank you for including that quote.

Have posted many times before on my 43yr relationship with the black dog- at least given Dog years I have the pleasure of knowing the buggers much older than me! Am not worried in the least about gransnet being ‘public’ Sourcerer as have, over time, learnt that there is nothing about depression that shouldn’t be out in the open. What I really wish is that, if they are really areconcerned about improving mental health, health officials should really be looking to platforms like Gransnet , all the previous posts show just how valuable our experience would be in helping to deal with depression.

Hello Doris19, I think you posted before when you hadn’t been on your pills long- good to see another post from you and hope they are helping now?

I'm not scared to talk about it but it would be nice to be able to have dialogue.