Why are men reluctant to seek medical advice when they feel they may have problems developing?

gilly you need to insist, despite your own cold, that your DH gets a GP appointment ASAP.

I posted earlier about my son. His wife said ‘he won’t listen to me’ well he bloody well listened to me. I made sure he did.. His arm was indeed infected and had he not gone to A&E where they gave him antibiotics (which is something they don’t do with good cause these days) ut could have been so much worse.

Put your foot down and insist.

I don’t know what to do
Gillybob; Sorry to hear that, but don't mess about; off to the doc. ASAP
Good Luck!.

It was Rufus said something about peeing blood
Kathyd; Yes! That was me! Although some cruel people said at the time that it was "Shiraz of the Overflow"! We laughed; hollow, though.
Anyway what's a PKR if not an arthroscopy? Never heard of it.

My DH has been ill since Thursday. Struggling to wee, blood in urine etc. He looks poorly and I am at my wits end. I have a heavy cold that I can’t seem to shake off and we’ve both had little sleep for days . He up and went to work before 6am (to avoid me) and I don’t know what to do. He has been very ill in the past and had a stroke earlier this year . It’s as though he can’t face any more bad news. Mind you he has a point .

My DH is the opposite in that he is a ‘doctor botherer’ He has so many pills he rattles and he is in the surgery every minute with a new complaint. However, this served him well,as his doctor picked up in an abnormal test reading and sent him an essential prostate cancer test, a condition which is being monitored. He does not discuss his health with other men. I think he just wants to live forever.

Please please please - if any of your male relatives have any possible prostate problems get them to go to gp.
Caught early prostate cancer is very treatable.
Sadly as I know only too closely once it spreads it becomes incurable

Doodle, of course she would be allowed time off for doctors or dentist appointments if she is in the office working. However, as described her job means her travelling all over the country often on short notice of the trip and not knowing what time or often what day of the week she will be back.

Therefore again as I laid out above booking appointments for medical screening or anything else can be difficult especially when those services are not available at weekends.

I'm sure most workplaces should allow 2 hours or so for doctors appointments.
Whether that actually happens remains to be seen.

Grandad I used to work at a Doctor's surgery. The surgery I worked at used to have two nights a week when they had late night appointments till 8pm and they also had Saturday morning appointments available. Although all the appointments were booked, on an average week half the patients didn't turn up!
Is your female Assignment Controller not allowed time off work for Doctor's appointments?
What would you do if you broke a tooth? Would you take time off work for an emergency dentist appointment?
It is not all the Doctors fault. They are not a convenience service, people have to take responsibility for their lives and health. Don't get me wrong, I know the NHS is far from perfect but it's not all their fault.

I would certainly agree with the posts on this thread emphasising the importance of preventative medical screening. However, for very many these days their working life prevents booking those examinations with any guarantee that they will be able to keep those appointments.

By example to the above, the Assignment Controllers and handlers in our company are continuously travelling all over the country on what can be on very short notice. It is difficult to book any medium or long-term appointments when living in the the above circumstances and that situation exists for people working in many industries at present.

When trying to book appointments for a Saturday or Sunday people often get the response that their GPs practice does not carry out such screenings at weekends. Private medicine would seem to be similar in that also.

The days of the Monday to Friday, nine to five work life practise for very many is long gone, but that is not reflected in the medical profession it would seem. Therefore even where you may find a male who is prepared to present himself for screening the opportunity to do so can be very restricted.

The above can also affect women. We now have in the company our first female Assignment Controller who has worked extremely hard over the last eighteen months to gain the qualifications necessary for that position. However, that has now coincided with the start of her menopause, and she does seem to be having "a very rough time of it".

Steph (her name) has been getting great support from all in the office, but obtaining medical appointments that are compatible with her work-life balance is proving impossible.

In the above, it has to be said that until we have in this country a medical profession that fits around peoples everyday lives, such things as preventative screening or even symptom analysis by GPs and hospitals will fall far short of what is required.

Round here you’ve gotta be ill to get a GP appointment.

I’d rather our NHS was not the national illness service.

Ooops! Sorry Granddad1943 It was Rufus said something about peeing blood not you.

OldMeg yes, it is possible to have PKRs.

Granddad1943 intermittent blood in the pee can be a sign of bladder cancer. It affects men more than women.

My husband, at 59, was advised by a friend who had just had his prostate removed, to go to his GP to ask for a PSA blood test. My husband did not have any symptoms and appeared to be very fit and well. He went to his GP and said as he was peeing a lot (he wasn't) he would like a PSA test. It was a 10.5 reading. This was followed by an internal examination, then a following biopsy which showed an aggressive tumour 9 on the Gleason scale. Two weeks ago he had his prostate, the surrounding tissue and lymph nodes removed and is making a good recovery although we still have to wait for the results of the biopsies on the lymph nodes. He has been told if he had not taken the initiative to ask for a PSA test, he would have been dead within the next two years. We feel he has been saved by a miracle as without taking his friend's advice and with no symptoms, he would not have asked for that blood test. PLEASE get your males to go for the blood test; I know there is much discussion on whether PSA tests are right but if this saves just one life, it is worth it!

It’s not just them refusing to see a doctor I find baffling, it’s their reluctance to ask for directions from someone when they/we are lost, or their reluctance to ask a shop assistant ‘do you have/do you know’. My hubby has been looking for some of those ‘trainer’ socks now we have moved to Spain as he can’t wear his trainers without socks and I refuse to walk next to him with his trainers and longish black socks and shorts. He said to me today whilst in another shop looking for some ‘I know where I can get them from’, ‘oh, where?’ says I, ‘our local supermarket ‘. Cutting to the chase , he didn’t buy them because he didn’t know what size he took in Spanish! He couldn’t possibly demean himself to ask one of the staff, he would need to research it for himself. In the meantime, he has to wear sandals that he says are not very comfy??

I have only a layman's knowledge of psychology, Granddad1943, but I have always assumed, as you do, that the usual male reluctance to go to a doctor, dentist or any other health professional is basically psychological.

I was born in 1951 and in my childhood we were told "big girls don't cry!" once we reached school age, but the boys I played with had been told that "boys don't cry" practically from the day they stopped wearing nappies. In other words when they were somewhere between 18 months and 2!

No doubt, you too remember the long list of things that were "cissy" or only things a mollycoddle did, when we were children. Complaining that something hurt was one of them.

"Give me a child until he is seven; after that you can do what you like with him, but he will never forget his early upbringing" This statement (or one like it) is usually said to have been made by the Jesuits. As far as I know, neither Ignatius himself, nor any other member of the Society of Jesus actually made it, but as far as upbringing and formation of character in young children goes, it is a fairly sound principle.

We may not realise it, but the inner voice we call conscience usually sounds remarkably like one of the women who influenced our early childhood.

This being said, can we really expect those who were told from early childhood not to complain of aches and pains and never to cry tó rush to the doctor at the first sign of something being wrong?

How much are we responsible for perpetuating this situation? A lot of the issues stem from the society we live in ........boys shouldn’t cry, demonstrate weakness etc. I think I have been guilty of contributing to this attitude and I must try not to carry on this way with my grandchildren.

Who know whether the Greek chaps discuss their prostates smile
Depends on how long they've been sitting there playing backgammon.

Forgot, there is a male gardening group and a male group st the volunteer bureau, they fix things for people, like the Mens Shed you spoke of Elegran . All retired men can’t be Victor Meldrews ?

In this town there are male choirs, golf club, bowling club, U3A, male church group, fsnily history group, local history group, much where men are members .

Is not going to the doctors a generation thing? My son in law who isn’t and My two sons in law have no problem

There are "Men's sheds" in most towns now, where men gather to use the tools and workbenches or sit like Greeks in the taverna, but drinking tea or coffee.

" . . community spaces for men to connect, converse and create. The activities are often similar to those of garden sheds, but for groups of men to enjoy together. They help reduce loneliness and isolation, but most importantly, they’re fun . . " menssheds.org.uk/

Interactive Map of sheds - Find a shed

All good reasons - but in some men it's just a case of "can't be arsed"

Oh yes! Also may I recommend 'Killing Eve'.... sorry I digress from the point of this thread

Yes, it is down to be keyhole Rufus but with a warning it might not always be possible depending on something or other...at this point BiL got a bit vague. Think he’d probably switched off to the surgeon’s spiel when I got technical.

He’s suffered ‘agonies’ on and off during the years with gall stones. I think a TKR is on the cards sometime in the future too.

I won’t mention your gherkin ?

Women have always had ways of coping with "retirement syndrome" because most of them have had spells of being at home with no companionable chats or stimulating conversations except the loud complaints of a squalling infant. Those "conversations" are usually about being hungry, tired, wet or dirty, and lead to mother obeying the demand and sorting it out. They cure the cabin fever by going out to meet other mothers in the same position (taking the baby and the demands with them)

Most men have escaped that confinement (in both senses of the word) and had company provided as a side-effect of working beside others.

When women retire, they too feel the loss of the easy chats, but they know that they have to go out of the front door and find someone to chat to.

The answer is to pick up again on a hobby that was abandoned under pressure of earning a living, or start a new one. If you look for them, there are opportunities everywhere to engage in leisure activities.