IVF clinics

My friend's daughter had several rounds of IVF, which all failed. She was desperately unhappy. Then one of their friends had a huge family crisis, and she jumped in to help and support them. The infertility problems receded into the background. A year later she had a set of naturally conceived twins. It seems that her body didn't want to get pregnant while she was in such a stressed state.

My DD finally met 'Mr Right' when she was 40. They decided to try for a baby, but eventually found that her eggs were not of good quality. Her dear friend offered to be an egg donor, which involved a lot of 'red tape', interviews and intrusive treatments. Luckily the first implant resulted in a lovely baby. The procedure was extra-expensive, (in Australia) as three people were involved, but was worth every penny. The only sad thing is that, at 44, she won't take the risk of using the other two embryos, and they are not allowed to donate them to another IVF patient.

After having one baby, we tried for another for 3 years, before adopting a baby. 4 years later I had a natural child, then 2 more came along!

Everyone has a story to tell about infertility, but if all else fails there are so many children in care, desperate to find a loving family. I know that this doesn't appeal to everyone, but my adopted daughter is just as precious to me as my 'natural' children. It's a path that I would highly recommend.

Really GabriellaG54! As someone who desperately wantrd to be a mum, and underwent many years of infertility treatment I find you equating various cosmetic procedures with the misery of infertility truly offensive.

perhaps start a new thread if you want to discuss the pros/cons of IVF?

Fflaurie
You make a good point. I do have children but, in this day and age, many people think that what they haven't got already, they can buy. Bigger boobs and bums, tighter faces, poutier lips, larger penises, and children too are some of the things that they covet, no matter the cost, financially and emotionally.

Recently in the last couple of weeks or so IVF was covered on a Radio 4 afternoon programme (perhaps the one notspaghetti has highlighted) with a warning to look carefully into add-ons as they were not always any benefit. It might have been the weekend catch up of Woman's Hour.

I should also have mentioned my cousin who, like me, did not get pregnant easily. She and her husband decided to foster with the idea that they may consider adoption as a route to parenthood. They short term fostered, for about 6 months, when she became pregnant. The doctors thought it might have been because they were more relaxed and less focussed on having to make babies as teats did not identify obvious reasons for non-conception! She now has 3 ACs and several DGCs.

Fflaurie. My younger daughter had 14 failed attempts of IVF, she never, ever thought it was her right to have a baby, she like most women who conceive naturally wanted a baby, I assume you didn’t experience this

I am one who had trouble getting pregnant here in the USA. I tried several ways and the Dr told me if this last didn't work then the word was NO. So we considered adoption while we waited. I know nothing of your system in UK, but maybe you would be able to suggest something like that.

No Idea of add ons and costs. My DD2 has been supporting her friend, whose parents are overseas so no mum to talk to easily, through IVF. Her baby is due in April . It was the 3/4th IVF attempt. She has a child, conceived naturally, but the hoped for 2nd baby did not happen without help. It has been a roller coaster time emotionally ..not helped by a house move... DD was there to offer an ear, shoulder and childcare! I think any of us who have had much anted babies can appreciate how much rides on the cycle the couple go through.
When we are living on an emotional tightrope, as anyone undergoing IVF will be, we can behave out of character, get tired, uncommunicative etc etc. So gentle and thoughtful 'being there' is the best thing you can do.

NHS or NICE guidelines may offer some help and are not tying to 'sell' anything.

You asked about add-ons Catlover123 - I have just heard a radio programme that covered this -
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001b91
Good Luck

My daughters friend has just conceived through ivf.As others have said,it is a very difficult,emotional time for the couple going through it.There is a really informative documentary on Netflix,One more shot,a true story following a couples attempts to conceive.It was a hard watch at times but helped us to see what our daughters friend was living through.

The Obama girls were conceived by IVF.

Tips for Gran's - listen, listen, reassure - undergoing IVF makes couples very anxious about every type of pain, discharge, symptom of pregnancy.
Don't offer advice unless you have read up on things just listen and reassure.
If she is worried something is wrong support her in going to pregnancy support (I really hope her journey is successful) - in my experience the mother to be knows best and should never be fobbed off.
Don't tell anyone about the IVF unless DD has given permission.

Two of my grandchildren were conceived by IVF. DGD was from a frozen embryo which technically means she was conceived at the same time as her big brother! Both pregnancies were difficult with bleeding in the first trimester, preterm (31 weeks) birth first time - healthy but small baby, and cervical suture in second which ended up with DD having sepsis but baby was fine. First cycle was NHS, frozen self funded but needed less pre treatment. I think couples get 2 NHS cycles in Scotland. Fertility Friends site was the greatest source of help and support to DD and she still meets up with friends she made on the site. Like here, if you ask a question about anything usually someone has been through the same and can offer advice or suggestions. Good luck to your family.

An unbelievably tense process and the longest nine months ever but so so worthwhile. My daughter and son in law's twins ( boy and girl) will be 12 years old in April. There are no words to explain how much they are loved.

Sorry Fflaurie - whilst I respect your right to have an opinion, I do find your comments rather harsh. I'm assuming that, like me, you were lucky enough to want a child and then to have one, simple as that. I don't know whether you have ever known anyone who has been so desperate to have a baby that they have put themselves through all the upheavals & unpleasantness that IVF entails, only for it to fail. How can you say that some one should just live with that & get over being childless? Do you really think it's that simple? As a mother of a childless daughter who will probably never come to terms with it & whose failed IVF treatments have led to the break up of her marriage, I find your blasè comments rather offensive.

Didn’t see previous message! In both cases, only 2 embryos put back.

Homeopathy offers real solutions to fertility problems. There are a few homeopaths who specialise in this. It is non toxic and better for you and any baby
IVF. can and does lead to breast cancer and children who are not quite right very often

Have they considered clinics abroad? My daughter had IVF treatment in the Czech Republic which was much more affordable than in the UK. As a result, we have two lovely grandchildren.

I went with them and I was very impressed by how clean and modern the clinic was. Daughter and partner said the doctor was excellent.

Used to work with all the UK clinics. Agree that HFEA website is very useful - also Fertility Friends patient group. Bear in mind London clinics very pricey and sometimes impersonal. Think twice about going abroad for treatment-may be cheaper but several disadvantages especially if multiple embryos put back. Often “unexplained infertility” has been down to stress and not enough sex!

IVF is such a wonderful thing - but, of course, only when it’s successful. My son and daughter-in-law have been trying it for years and have, so far, had TEN failed attempts/miscarriages.
The devastation after each failed cycle is terrible. However, all the other therapies - acupuncturist, massage, reflexology etc - is what really upsets me as, to my mind, it is making money from others misery and raising false hopes.

Fflaurie - a great deal of NHS funded health care is based on trying to help someone lead a normal life - e.g. hip replacement so that you can get to the shops. There is not always a life-saving element to treatment.

So......where would you draw the line between an unnecessary treatment that you just have to do without and get on with it, and a necessary treament.

Within my wider family there are adopted children and a couple who cannot have children who decided to give up on IVF and come to terms with their infertility. One of my DDs struggled hugely to get pregnant and IVF would have been the next step if it had not happened naturally.

I do not presume to judge those who go down the IVF route. The imperative to reproduce is hard-wired and atavistic and the thwarting of that is not to be dismissed lightly. You say you understand the "yearning for a child" but I do not think you do.

I am lucky to have had 3 wonderful children who have gone on to produce 7 lovely grandchildren and I would not judge others who have not been so lucky for taking any steps that they wish to.

My daughter and her husband had a bad experience with an NHS fertility clinic in London close to where they lived and worked. Not the medical side of it, but the poor quality of support staff, who mixed up appointment times, failed to send off blood samples etc. all adding to their stress. The whole extended family then chipped in so that they could afford to go to the clinic in Harley Street which had at that time the highest success rate ( 60%).The staff were 100% efficient, discovered the cause of the problem, which the NHS had not, and could not have been kinder and more supportive. As a result, we now have a lovely,healthy 6 year old GC.

The new family moved to Southampton soon afterwards for work reasons. They/we could not afford to go private again in order to try for a second child, and the NHS IVF treatment they had there was unsuccessful (fewer viable eggs three years on did not help, though this not the only problem). They have decided to make the most of what they have and come to terms with this, rather than desperately keep trying for a larger family with ever decreasing chances of success. I have no other grandchildren or expectation of same, and we are all so very grateful for this child's existence.

I do think your comments are a little harsh, Fflaurie. We are, I know, very lucky in Britain to have had this option at all. But, presumably you would not be on Gransnet if you or someone close to you did not have a grandchild ??

My friends daughter has a lovely 2 year old daughter after IVF treatment on the NHS. She recently had their last frozen embryo implanted but sadly miscarried shortly after. Any more treatment will have to be paid for as her authority just offers two free rounds. That is one more round than offered from the authority where I live.

My daughter when through IVF about 4 years ago after many years of trying unsuccessfully to fall naturally. She was having very irregular periods and started seeing a acupuncturist for this who actually helped bring monthly periods but still no pregnancy. Until she started the treatment I never realised what was involved and how many “stages” there were. The treatment is pretty hard, many appointments and injections, and the getting through each stage in the treatment. It was hard, but the hope of a pregnancy at the end kept them and us all going. As a mum I worried for her, the treatment was rough, i worried in case it didnt happen and worried for the disappointment it would cause. She got through to the final stages and the egg was planted - we were all ecstatic until a week later she started to bleed. Devastation as she went for a scan which confirmed she wasnt pregnant.

At the clinic she was at they had to wait 3 months before they could start again. To here that seemed ages away so they decided to go away for a few days to try and get some normally back into their life.

A month after the treatment she was worried that she hadn’t had a period which she had to have before any more treatment could take place, so she went back to her acupuncturist went to work on her but stopped saying that she felt that she could be pregnant. She didnt want to carry on treatment because this would be to bring on a period. She sent her home suggesting she took a pregnancy test and if this was negative to return in 2 weeks.

She took the pregnancy text and it was positive!!!

She now has a beautiful 3 year old boy, and a georgous 8 month old boy.